Awesome Advice
by PrussianAwesomeness
Summary: Prussia decides to put up an anonymous advice column purely so he can screw around with the other nations' lives. Thank you to everyone who helped make this story a success!
1. Awesome Advice

**Awesome Advice**

Prussia hummed happily to himself as he posted a rather large and colourful poster on the wall of the meeting room. Even though he [technically] wasn't a nation anymore, he still had access to the room. So instead of taking the opportunity of sleeping in without Germany harassing him to get up for 'training', Prussia decided to set forth on his newest, awesomest idea.

Checking his watch, Gilbert realized that the nations would soon be filing in for the start of the meeting, England being the first one. He needed to make his escape before he was caught. He ran out of the exit, just as Arthur Kirkland came walking in.

"Early as usual," he said to himself in amusement. He rather liked coming in early – gave him a chance to think without Sealand running around with his damn Power Rangers [it was his turn to take care of the boy while Finland and Sweden were off going to the sauna]. And besides, he was never really alone.

"Oooh Arthur what's that?" a little violet fairy, named Scarlett [it seemed appropriate to Arthur at the time ok?] said above the nation's head. Arthur looked in the direction she was pointing in. A large poster had been taped to the wall.

"This looks like something America would do," Arthur said, walking over to the brightly coloured poster.

"What seems like something I would do?" America asked, joining his former father-figure by the poster. Arthur glared at him in greeting. "This thing? Nah, not my style at all – is it yours?"

"If it was mine do you think I would be wondering who created it in the first place?" Arthur asked. Alfred shrugged.

"Maybe. Never do know what's going on in your head," Alfred replied, walking away to sit in his seat at the head of the table [apparently that's where the heroes sit].

"But dear America, who does?" France said, prancing [yes you read that right] into the room. Arthur glowered at the newcomer. "Qu'est-ce que c'est?" he asked, joining the Englishman at the poster.

"Some blasphemous thing I found when coming here today," Arthur replied briskly.

Alfred laughed. "Blasphemous? Who actually says that?" he teased. Arthur flushed and stomped towards his seat.

"I do," he muttered, sinking into the faux-leather chair.

As other nations came walking in, they too all noticed the odd poster hanging on the wall. Nobody seemed to know who created it – not China, nor Denmark, nor Russia – nobody!

When the meeting adjourned for the day [with England strangling France and America complaining about how hungry he was], the poster's words lingered in the brains of all the nations.

AWESOME ADVICE!

Email me at: ..

* * *

**A/N: HEY YOU PEOPLE READING THIS. GUESS WHAT? THIS IS KINDA AN INTERACTIVE STORY. _How?_? YOU MAY ASK? Well, I'm about to tell you so listen up!**

**So you see that email at the end of the story right? Well guess what! It's an actual email! Yup that's right, you can actually email it.**

**And why would you want to do that?**

**Because I need ideas for chapters ._. and that's where you come in!**

**So basically all I want you to do is email Prussia while posing as a nation [via ..], asking for advice! Sorry, only canon characters since I can't write OCs **

**Still confused? [yea i know, i can't explain for shit] here's an example!**

**Subject: Sealand**

**Dear Awesome Advice, **

**No one seems to recognize me as the super cool nation that I am! It's all jerk England's fault! What do I do to get recognized as a country?**

**Sincerely, **

**Super Cool Power Ranger**

***sends***

**A few minutes/hours later...**

**Me: *reads email* *thinks of best Prussia-like response* *writes chapter about it* *posts on ***

**AND VOILA. A CHAPTER HAS BEEN MADE. [you know, if you don't want to do it through email, you can always send your 'problems' via reviews!]**

**Make sense now? Since I'm not actually sure if any of y'all actually do this [though i really really really would love you right down to the end of the world if you do], I've written two chapters already. Hopefully that inspires you to send me some emails! :)**

**Hope to hear from y'all soon~~~~**


	2. Confused Wife

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_I need your help. My husband doesn't pay attention to me enough – he's always playing on his damn piano! How do I get him to pay attention to me?_

_Sincerely, _

_Confused Wife_

Gilbert nearly snorted his coffee out through his nose when he saw _this_ lovely email in his inbox the next morning.

It was so obvious that it was Hungary emailing him – and about _him_ to boot! This was too perfect. Gilbert knew already exactly what to say.

_Dear CW, _

_Just use a regular, everyday kitchen tool on him – preferably a frying pan. Just hit him over the head with it until he gets the point. Then he'll start paying attention to you. _

_Always yours, _

_Awesome. _

Gilbert whistled as he walked through the corridors, coming to pick up Ludwig from his meeting about environmental problems or whatever. He winked at the receptionist, practically _skipping_ [but not really because skipping is gay and totally not for awesome guys like Gilbert] through the hallways.

"Hello dear brother of mine!" he said cheerily to Ludwig as his exited the meeting room, whose eyes narrowed at the sight of his very cheery brother. As the other nations passed, Gilbert waved at them or said hello.

"Ve~ Gilbert hi!" the happy Italian said, running up to the German brothers. Gilbert, who normally couldn't stand Feliciano's antics so early in the morning, grinned.

"Italy! Hi!" he replied as he scanned the faces of the other nations until he found the one he was looking for. Slinking up to the very annoyed looking nation, Gilbert threw his arm around the poor guy's shoulders. "Hey Austria! What's with the bandage? You hit yourself?" Gilbert simpered, attempting to look concerned. Roderich glared at him.

"Kindly take your arm off of me Gilbert." When Gilbert did not, Roderich continued, "And I did not hit myself… I am not as idiotic as you are. Elizaveta and I… just happened to bump into each other in the kitchen this morning and I ended up getting hurt."

Gilbert burst out laughing, glancing at the very embarrassed looking woman beside him. "What did you do Lizzie? Did you 'accidently' hit him with your frying pan?" If it was possible, Hungary turned even redder.

"Yes," she muttered, looking away. Austria cleared his throat and shook Gilbert's arm off of him.

"If you'll excuse us," he said, pushing Gilbert out of the way and grabbing the hand of a very surprised looking Hungary, "Elizaveta and I have are going to have lunch at the Adara and we do not want to be late." And with that they walked away.

Gilbert stared at their retreating backs, slightly surprised. Sure, he had only told Lizzie to hit Roddy on the head with the frying pan multiple times until he got the point she was being ignored… but he hadn't really expected it to work. For anything, he really just wanted Roderich to get hurt in some sort of way. But hey, at least it was bringing his cred up. Soon enough, other nations would hear about how Lizzie got such awesome advice and will send him emails too. And soon he'd be able to mess with the minds of every single nation. This would be fun.

"This is fun," Elizaveta said happily, holding hands with Roderich as they walked to their table. Roderich nodded, wincing slightly at the horrible violin music they were playing.

"If only the music was better here… maybe I could just give them a pointer – o-or not," he said quickly, as Elizaveta glared at him.

"Good," she said beaming. "You know, the idea to hit you with my frying pan wasn't even mine to begin with – you know that poster in the meeting room? About advice? Whoever created that is a genius!" she said as they passed a furious looking Romano and a confused looking Antonio. "I'd love to meet him to thank him personally."

Roderich's head throbbed in agony. "Yes," he said through gritted teeth. "I would like to thank him personally too."

* * *

**A/N: Reviews and ideas for chapters make Roddy's poor headache go away. :)**


	3. Passion

_Hola Awesome Advice! _

_I have a small problem… I have a very good friend who is very lazy and very adorable. Whenever he gets mad [which is a lot] he looks like a tomato but whenever I tell him that he gets mad! How do I prove him right?_

_-Passion_

Gilbert sighed as he leaned back on his bed. He had just come home from picking Ludwig and Feliciano up from their Big Important Green Meeting or whatever and after having a delicious Italian lunch and decided to check his email for any new messages.

It wasn't like this plea for help was very surprising. After all, whenever he, Antonio and Francis went out for drinks it always ended up with Antonio complaining about how Romano is always mad at him [and with Francis raping the entire damn bar].

Since Gilbert's "Friendy-senses" were tingling, he felt like he had an obligation as one of Antonio's best friends to actually help him out. But of course, Gilbert's natural sense and need of wanting to screw up the lives of everyone he knows came into play and Gilbert proceeded to send this email:

_Dear Passion, _

_Next time you're at a world meeting and he's sleeping, paint his face red and stick a leaf on top. Then there's no way he can deny he looks like a tomato. _

_Peace out, _

_Awesome Advice_

It wasn't until a week when Gilbert saw the results of the last email. Because Ludwig, under the impression that Gilbert was on his best behaviour [he has a tendency to treat Gilbert like his three Dobermans], decided that Gilbert was good enough to be able to accompany him _into_ the meeting room for the next meeting – given he didn't start a ruckus like he did last time in '97.

Gilbert took his seat next to Ludwig, casually making conversation with Francis and Antonio and taking part in harassing Arthur, Roderich and any other stuck-up ass who thought they were acting immature. As usual, the Italian brothers were late and as they ran to their seats so Canada could start his speech about how the world economy would be better. Gilbert noticed that Spain smiled at a small bag hidden under the table as Romano sat beside him, swearing about Feliciano's lack of sense the entire time.

"S-so… b-because the world's e-economy is l-low… I mean very b-bad… I mean… herearethewayst omakeitgoodagai n!" Canada stuttered, blushing a deep red and reading the rest of his speech without making eye contact of anyone in the room. Prussia felt a bit sympathetic for the younger nation. They had met one faithful April Fool's day, when the Canadian had caught the Prussian in a bad mood and offered some of his maple syrup to cheer him up. Ever since then they've been friends and Gilbert never mistook him for his brother or ignored him ever again.

Sadly though, the other nations still did.

"Why isn't anybody making their speeches?"

"Why is America acting all shy?"

"Doesn't it feel like there's someone extra here who isn't supposed to be here?"

This went on for quite a while. As Canada hopelessly continued on with his speech, the only person listening to him now being Germany, Prussia turned his attention to the other nations.

The meeting seemed to have divided in specific groups – the East Asians, the South Asians, the Europeans plus America, Russia, and South America.

"But Aniikiiiiiiiii! Why do you keep moving awayyyy? Your breasts are minnnee!" South Korea whined as China inched away from him.

"No! Why can you not understand that aru! They are nobody's breasts aru!" he yelled back.

"Why can't you just get along?" Tamil Sri Lanka [Parvati] said in annoyance as India and Pakistan eyed each other with animosity.

"Go solve your own problems Pari," India replied huffily. Parvati groaned.

"My problems won't get solved unless a certain _sister_ lets me have my own land!" she exclaimed to the bored looking girl beside her, who yawned.

"We've been there sister, the answer is no," Singhalese Sri Lanka [Ushma] said lazily. Parvati growled threateningly.

"¡Dios mío! This meeting is taking so long – I want to go back to the beaches don't you?" Columbia said, shaking her curly dark brown hair out of her face. Mexico rolled her eyes.

"You just want to wear your G-string bikini don't you?" she teased. Columbia shrugged.

"Of course. But I bet Brazil doesn't have to worry about that do you?" she added winking at the woman sitting nearby, who chuckled. "You need to take me to one of your topless beaches!" she called out, making the other South American nations laugh.

"Marry me brother…" Belarus said darkly, inching up to her brother. Russia paled, walking over to the Baltic Nations, who shivered at the sight of him.

"H-hello Mr Russia!" Lithuania said, attempting to look cheerful.

"Like why do you even bother being so nice to him Liet? It's so totes not _rad_," Poland said lazily, filing his nails while resting his feet on the conference table. Toris paled.

"Poland! Don't say such things near Mr Russia!" Toris hissed to Feliks, who merely laughed in response.

"That is a sunflower you are holding, da?" Ivan said to Latvia, who was shivering in fear. Estonia stood behind Latvia, almost hiding himself behind the younger boy. Latvia looked from the sunflower up at Russia.

"Y-y-yes i-it i-is…" he mumbled, before falling to the ground in a faint.

"LATVIAAA!" Estonia howled, picking up the unconscious nation and fanning him.

Confused, Russia walked away as Belarus tried to catch up to him.

"Russia's always scaring Estonia and his brothers isn't he?" Finland said thoughtfully, watching the whole scene with concern. Sweden grunted in response. "I bet they wish Russia was a nicer master – kinda like you," he said, beaming. Finland always found that being nice to Sweden [no matter how scary he might seem] was always the best thing to do.

"'m not yer master. Yer m'wife," Sweden mumbled, surprised. Finland blushed a light pink.

"I-I'm not your wife! I'm a boy!" he protested.

"Get off me you disgusting frog!" England yelled, pushing France off of him.

"Only if you stop cooking such horrendous food! I can smell your scones from here!" France howled, attempting to shovel a croissant into England's mouth. "Just open your mouth some more so I can push it in!"

"That's what she said," America said, smirking.

"Nii-chan~ why is Greece sleeping on the ground like that?" Italy fretted, trying to get France's attention.

"Not now Feliciano, just wait until I finish with Arthur," Francis said, turning to the Englishman, holding his croissant up like a sword, a demonic glint in eye.

The Grecian snored on happily, dreaming of what it'd be like to be a cat, unaware that Feliciano was now trying to get Kiku to help him get Heracles to wake up.

And right across from him lay Lovino Vargas, fast asleep. Gilbert blinked in surprise, startled. Beside Lovino, sat Spain, cheerfully painting the sleeping Italian's face a bright red.

"Now all we need is a green leaf~" Antonio sang quietly as he placed a little green leaf on his friend's head.

Just as Spain had finished, almost as though the exact scene was being written about in a fan fiction by a very bored fifteen year old, Romano woke up.

"Why's everyone so fucking loud… why are you looking at me like that bastard?" Romano said uneasily as Spain grinned at him.

"See! You _do_ look like a tomato!" he cried out. Gilbert tried his best to hold his laughter in – this was all _too_ good.

Romano looked up to see the big window on the other side of the room. He was angled to it so that he could see his reflection in it. And of course, once he caught a glimpse of his face, he screamed.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Romano yelled. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"What?" Spain said, perplexed. "But I'm right! You _do_ look like a tomato!" As Romano made a move to charge at him, Spain stood up and ran out of the room, the other nations now watching with interest. Spain ran passed a rather annoyed looking Germany, who was glaring at his brother, who was crying tears of laughter.

"I think it's safe to say the meeting is adjourned," Germany said, standing up as Romano's yells ricocheted down the hallway. The other nations exchanged looks and shrugged, pleased that they were let out so early.

"Finally we can go to the beach!" Columbia said dramatically, dragging her sisters with her.

Prussia, still laughing his ass off, was one of the last nations to leave the room.

"God, I never thought he'd actually _listen_ to me! That was fucking _epic_!" Gilbert said, wiping tears off his face. He said it quietly, so that no one would be able to hear him.

What he didn't realize however, was that someone _did_ hear him and smiled, an idea forming in their mind.

* * *

**A/N:** **Yea ok I know, a bunch of OC!Nations appear here because really, it's a world meeting and there aren't enough Hetalia characters to represent them all... **

**About India, Pakistan, and the Sri Lankan twins - no offense intended about any of the three nations. I've heard from friends that are from India or Pakistan and the two countries have always had a pretty hostile relationship so if I'm wrong... don't hesitate to correct me! I decided to make Sri Lanka two twin girls because a) there needs to be more girls in Hetalia b) I'm Sri Lankan [Tamil] and I'm fully aware of the Civil War going on there and kinda wanted to Hetalia-ize it. c) I've always wanted my nation to have a role in Hetalia [I'm a first generation Canadian too, and sadly Canada doesn't have that big of a role either .]**

**About the South American nations: Yea, I always pictured them as these wild, crazy, flirtatious bunch of hispanic women. And just as a fun fact - I base Columbia after Sofia Vergara/Gloria Delgado-Pritchett from Modern Family [if you don't watch it you totally should - it's amazing 3]**

**Reviews make Romano spare Spain, despite his wrath. **

**And please guys, if you haven't - email me your chapter ideas at .. or through reviews :) **


	4. Russia

The next few weeks flew by for Prussia. He was receiving more and more emails, and responding to them with glee. He was having fun walking down the street, seeing various nations making total fools of themselves, thinking they were doing the right thing and getting ridiculed by the public.

Of course, he had to deal with incredibly stupid emails.

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_You will become one with Russia, da?_

Gilbert rolled his eyes. This was the seventh email Ivan had sent him – all about the same topic.

_Hey Ivan, _

_Fuck no._

He closed the internet browser [Google Chrome because only awesome people use it] and got up from his chair, sighing. As fun as screwing with the lives of the other nations was, there hadn't been any really good emails for him. No nation had sent him a plea for some major big problem that he could have fun with making even bigger. So far, all he had done was convince South Korea that everybody's breasts except Prussia's were his to grope, Brazil could come to meetings topless [because damn that would be hot], and that only way for men to stop befriending Ukraine for just her boob size was to befriend Brazil and do anything she did [ooh a double whammy!]. Of course, Ukraine, being the shy girl she is, refused to do that. On the bright side however, Brazil and Columbia had convinced her to wear less clothing to meetings and that was still good right? Gilbert hoped to God that Ivan would never discover that he was behind Awesome Advice or he might as well say goodbye to Gilbird.

Just as Prussia was planning to go call up Canada and beg for more maple syrup [his pancakes didn't taste the same without it] because he and Germany had used it all [turns out Ludwig really likes the stuff too], his computer beeped again.

"A new email already? Damn if it's Russia again…" Prussia swore, walking back to the computer [which is a MacBook in case you were wondering] and checking his email.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

_I need your help. There is a boy I admire who rarely ever talks to me. We are friends yet we do not hang out together very much. I've had a crush on him for quite some time and I really want to tell him but don't know how. How do you think I should let him know how I feel?_

_Loveless Friend_

Gilbert chewed on the inside of his cheek. This was a tough one. Unlike most of the emails, even though this was anonymous, the Prussian had no idea who the hell the person might be. He decided to just go with his gut.

_Dear LF,_

_Depends on who the guy you like is. If he's a dick like Austria, then you're a loser and have no taste in guys. But if he's awesome like Prussia you should leave him some maple syrup because he's probably running low and craving for some. And if he isn't, the moment he gets a taste of it, he definitely will be. Ask Canada to help you on that – he's the dude who looks like America but is quieter and much nicer._

_Peace,_

_Awesome _

Just as he sent the email, another beeping sound alerted him that he had received another email. Sighing in annoyance he opened it, fully expecting it to be from Russia.

And for once, he was right.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

_Even if you will not become one with Russia, will you help me get my sister away from me? I cannot sleep for fear she will find me hiding in the closet and try to get me to marry her again. I am going crazy!_

Gilbert burst out laughing. Finally, something big enough that he can screw up even more. Prussia knew which sister Russia was talking about. Belarus, the pretty yet crazy-as-fuck little sister of Russia's. According to Feliks [back when they were roommates – not a fun experience], Lithuania had a crush on her. Why he would, Gilbert had no idea. The chick was absolutely insane and obsessed with her brother! This was going to be fun.

_Dear Russia, _

_Just annex some random country or form an alliance with a country you really like. She'll be so pissed off and heartbroken that she'll hate you forever and never want to see you again. Voila! Problem solved. Oh, and get Germany to get off of Prussia's case – he's a cool guy and Germany treats him like a kid. _

_Cheers, _

_Awesome_

Now all he had to do was keep on his best behaviour until Germany thought he deserved to accompany him to the next meeting and he can watch this mess in person.

"You've been awfully quiet," Germany remarked as the brothers walked towards the building where the conference was going to be held. Prussia shrugged.

"Maybe you just underestimate me," Prussia replied. Germany shook his head.

"The moment I try to do that, you end up doing something stupid. Not this time. Before we go in – do you have some sort of weapon on you?" the German asked sternly. Gilbert looked horrified.

"Why the fuck would I be hiding a weapon? Do you honestly think that an ex-nation will be able to fight an entire room of countries?" When Ludwig still insisted on patting him down to make sure Gilbert wasn't lying, he exclaimed, "For God's fucking sake! _Vash_ is in there – you should be more worried about him than me!"

Ludwig sighed. "Fine," he said, grabbing onto Gilbert's arm and leading him down the hallway towards the conference room.

"West! Let go of me! I'm your older brother!" Gilbert protested, sounding oddly like a 6 year old.

"You don't act like one," came the response.

"You don't treat me like one!" Gilbert replied heatedly back. Germany did not answer and the brothers entered the conference room and sat in their seats in silence, refusing to look each other in the eye.

Today was Austria's turn to present his ideas about the economy to the rest of the countries. Prussia prepared himself to be intensely bored. Wishing he had somehow managed to sneak his iPod in, he rested his head on his right hand and stared off into space.

"Before Austria can present, may I please make an announcement?" a child-like voice said. Prussia blinked and looked up. To his immense pleasure, Russia had stood up and was making his way to the front of the table.

"Sure!" America said cheerily. Since the meeting was held in his country, he was leading it. Prussia noticed with disgust at the numerous Big Mac wrappers scattered all around the exuberant nation. How _he_, the awesome nation of Prussia could cease to be a country while Alfred still managed to be the most powerful of them all did not make sense to Prussia.

Russia cleared his throat and surveyed the audience, taking a few steps back as he saw Belarus wheeling her chair closer to him. "Firstly, Germany, I believe that you should not treat Prussia like a child. He is your older brother, da? It is not nice to treat your brothers badly."

Prussia could hardly believe his ears. He shot Germany a triumphant look and congratulated himself mentally for his intelligence.

As Belarus slowly made her way closer and closer to Russia he quickly added, "And I have been talking to my boss, and he believes that it will be smart for my economy if… I make an alliance with China."

"What do you mean?" England said in confusion, his very large eyebrows furrowing.

"I mean, me and China are getting married!" Russia exclaimed.

China looked up from attacking South Korea with horror. "WHAT?" he and Belarus howled at the same time.

"YOU," Belarus shrieked, standing up and pointing at the Asian country, who was still trying to figure out what happened. "YOU HAVE STOLEN BROTHER FROM ME. YOU WILL _DIE_." With that she leaped onto the table, pulling out a dagger from her dress, intent on driving it into China's throat.

"But I didn't do anything aru!" China yelled, getting out of his chair and backing away from the girl. "My boss didn't tell me about this at all aru!"

"YOU LIE," Belarus yelled back, advancing on China menacingly.

"Hey that's not fair!" South Korea said. "Aniki loves me! Love originated from Korea!"

"You say that again and I'll stab you with my rose," France said idly, twirling said weapon with his fingertips.

"YOU MUST DIE," Belarus shrieked, oblivious to everyone else. China's eyes widened and he turned and ran as fast as he could. Belarus chased after him, still on the table. Papers and coffee mugs went flying.

"AIEE MY PANTS," Peru howled, standing up his coffee spilled onto him. As he stood he slipped on the split coffee and fell onto Brazil, who [as you probably know] was topless.

"LET GO OF MY BREASTS," she yelled, pushing him off. He tumbled into yet another nation as China and Belarus ran around the conference room.

"This wasn't supposed to happen!" Russia said in distress as Belarus let out a battle cry and chased China even faster, her knife glinting evilly in the sunlight.

There was a stampede as nations moved away from Belarus's knife and tried to find a safe spot.

"Get away from me this is my spot!" Taiwan said furiously to Japan.

"Brother let Spain sit here – he'll get hurt!" Belgium said to Netherlands, who shrugged.

"As if I care," he muttered through his pipe.

"Hungary darling put down your frying pan – we don't need two girls attacking people in here," Austria said calmly to his wife as she growled at Moldova as he ran by, nearly pushing Austria into a bookshelf.

"EVERYONE STOP – I'LL SAVE YOU I'M THE HERO!" America bellowed. For the first time ever, no one seemed to pay attention to him. "Is this how Canada feels like?" he said in horror.

"Move over you idiot before that girl's knife goes through me!" England said harshly, brutally knocking America over to get out of the way of Belarus's knife as China passed them both.

"If anyone hurts my sister I'll shoot them!" Switzerland said fiercely, pulling out his gun while keeping Liechtenstein out of harm's way.

And of course, during this state of confusion and horror, Prussia was laughing his ass off. His plan worked better than planned. He really was an awesomely devious fellow.

"You're enjoying yourself aren't you?" a voice said at Prussia's side. Prussia wiped the tears out of his eyes to see Canada sitting beside him. Prussia nodded.

"Isn't this epic? Everyone's going crazy all thanks to me- er Russia!" Prussia said quickly, hoping Canada didn't notice his mess-up.

"It's a bit loud though," Canada remarked. Prussia shrugged.

"You aren't worried that Psycho-Sis is going to accidently stab you?" he asked curiously. Canada shook his head.

"She can't stab what she can't see," he joked. Prussia laughed. For someone who was constantly ignored by most of the world, he was surprisingly chill about it.

By this time, China was hopelessly cornered by Belarus and the other nations were cheering Belarus on for pure entertainment, convinced she wouldn't actually _kill_ China [how wrong they were]. At this, Germany decided to take a stand.

"WILL EVERYBODY PLEASE GO BACK TO THEIR SEATS?" Germany yelled his voice louder than anyone else's. Everyone froze and turned to stare at him. A rather large vein was in danger of popping as Germany gave them his fiercest glare. Everybody quietly went back to their seats, Belarus still hovering over China with a knife in her hand. "Russia, I will arrange a meeting with my boss and your boss about whether or not an alliance with China would be… _intelligent_."

With a final glare at China, Belarus stomped back to her seat, sitting incredibly close to Russia, who looked terrified.

Germany sighed, sitting down. "Austria you may now begin your presentation," he said, motioning to the very ruffled looking man.

"Actually, I think it would smarter if we reschedule this meeting to when we are all less agitated and more likely to pay attention," he said calmly.

"ALRIGHT!" Alfred exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "LET'S GO TO MACDONALD'S FOR LUNCH – ARTIE WILL PAY."

Rolling his eyes Gilbert decided to take up on Alfred's offer. After all, it gave him a chance to annoy Arthur some more and Antonio and Francis were probably going to go anyways [Antonio because he liked going with groups to lunch because it was more fun that way, Francis to criticise the food with distaste].

As the group exited the conference room, Arthur arguing with Alfred about how he had to pay for 15 nations and trying to shrug off Francis's arm [which was trying to wrap around his waist], an intern ran up to them.

"Is Gilbert Beilschmidt here?" she asked breathlessly, pushing her red hair out of eyes.

"Right here!" he exclaimed, disappointed that she didn't recognize him from his mere awesomeness.

"Someone sent this to us saying that it was for you," she said, shoving a package into his hands. He thanked her and opened it, confused.

In it lay a bottle of maple syrup.

* * *

**A/N: Dun dun dunnnn~ **

**Hehe I have a bit of an idea of a plot, so yay for me! More motivation to write this whole story out! And please, if you want Prussia to screw up the lives of any nation, dont hesistate to msg me with the idea via [since i doubt the email is going to work ._.] **

**Reviews make Alfred pay instead of Arthur. **


	5. Hero 1

When Gilbert got home that day, he was deep in thought. And for the first time, he wasn't plotting something devious.

He was actually trying to figure out who the hell might've sent him the maple syrup. It had to most definitely be the same person who sent him the email – Loveless Friend? Was that the name?

A beeping broke through his thoughts, making Gilbert sigh. Another email so soon? Who could _this_ be from?

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_I have an older brother but he does not act like one at all. He is not a bad brother, not at all. He is just a little bit annoying and lacking of common sense. He is very untidy and I'm sick of cleaning messes for him. I have tried every single thing that was written in every book but to no avail. Lately I feel that my brother is working on something, which might be even worse than the idea about making a blog and posting candid, inappropriate photos of me in it. I would like to get some advice about how to deal with my brother and make him clean up his own messes!_

_Most Sincerely, _

_Dog Lover_

Gilbert choked on the biscuit he was eating. Gilbird twittered at him as Gilbert tried to dislodge the piece stuck in his throat. The piece finally flew out and Gilbert could breathe again. He reread the email again.

This was most definitely from Germany – Prussia was sure of it. It almost felt like the apocalypse was coming – if Ludwig had _any_ idea that he was asking Gilbert for advice…

_Dear DL, _

_You're probably underestimating the poor guy. You should stop treating him like a goddamn six year old and let him be awesome. Oh and he's not untidy. You just have OCD. Go get that checked – it'll help the both of you A LOT. _

_Later, _

_Awesome. _

_P.S. You think your older brother's plotting something? He's probably just thinking about porn. Don't sweat it – he's not doing anything diabolical. _

As Gilbert clicked 'send' he noticed that he received yet another email.

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_Thanks! I sent the guy I like the maple syrup and I think he was pleased with it. But… what should I do now? _

_Hope to hear from you soon!_

_Loveless Friend _

It was his secret admirer again! As flattering as it was to have someone who finally appreciated him for his awesomeness… it was frustrating not knowing who it was. Gilbert contemplated on telling the person it was smarter to tell him themselves who they are… but the thought of getting more free stuff appealed to him more. He could always find out later who the hell his secret admirer was… or ask Canada which nation had asked for some of his maple syrup.

_Hey LF,_

_Yea I bet he really liked that maple syrup. You should get him a present – that'll definitely get you into his heart. Something you know he'll like. _

_Good Luck, _

_Awesome_

Gilbert pressed 'send' for a second time as his brother banged on his bedroom door. He quickly 'alt-tab'ed to another open window as Ludwig walked into his room.

"Why didn't you answer me when I knocked? What are you doing in here?" Ludwig said suspiciously. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"I was looking for some good girl on girl porn to masturbate to," he said sarcastically. When Ludwig's eyes widened in horror he quickly added, "I'm being sarcastic West – chill out!"

"I am chill," Ludwig muttered. He took a deep breath, sitting down on Gilbert's bed, facing his older brother, who had swivelled his chair to face him. "I was thinking about our argument earlier today and… I have decided that you had a point. I _do_ treat you like a child. I apologize." He waited for Gilbert's apology for being a douche to Ludwig.

"You're forgiven," Gilbert said, not understanding what Ludwig wanted. Ludwig sighed, massaging his head with his fingers.

"I've decided that you deserve some responsibility in the house," Ludwig continued. Gilbert could hardly believe his ears. Gilbert had only sent the email a few minutes ago – had Ludwig already read it and decided to act upon it?

"Cool. First things first – your dogs keep away from Gilbird. The next time they try to use him as their chew toy they will _not_ be sent outside for being 'bad doggies' – they're going to the effing kennel – got it?" Ludwig looked pained, but nodded in agreement. "Also – no more nagging for me to clean up my shit – my shit is _my_ shit and my shit is already organized – being all over the house makes it easier for me to find. Touch it and Feliciano never gets to 'sleep over' ever again. I'm not done yet!" he exclaimed as Ludwig opened his mouth furiously to interject. "Last thing – you let me come to every world meeting and when we're there you call me 'sir'." Since Ludwig was in this new I-must-listen-to-my-awesome-brother mood, Gilbert decided that it wouldn't be worth it if he didn't get to have some fun with it.

Ludwig turned purple as he fought to keep his composition. After breathing in and out a few times. He nodded. "Very well brother," he said, standing up. "I am going out on some errands… I will be back before dinner." It was a struggle not to add a 'don't burn down the house while I'm gone'.

"What errands?"

"It had recently come to my attention that I display symptoms for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I would like to get that checked as soon as possible so I am going right now." Gilbert smirked but didn't say anything. He waited until Ludwig was out of the room and out of ear shot before bursting out into laughter.

"Oh Gilbert you _are_ a genius," he said to himself, turning back to his computer and checked his email again. Surprisingly, he had received a new email and the computer hadn't even informed him of this by beeping like it usually did. Thinking that his laptop might be so high-tech to even realize not to blow Gilbert's cover while Ludwig was in the room, he opened the email.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

I know awesome when I see it and you, sir (ma'am?) are awesome. So I've come to you for some pointers, I got a friend, goes by Felix, and he's a cool guy and all but not awesome and that's a shame cause I think he'd be the most awesomest thing in the world if he had a nudge in the right direction. Is there a way I can make him awesome? Like motorcycle-riding, leather-wearing, I-wear-my-sunglasses-at-nighting awesome?

_From, Hero #1_

Gilbert grinned. Another obvious email. This was most definitely from America but… was he talking about Feliks [those Americans, always anglicizing names]? As in, girly, pink-wearing, _cross-dressing_ Poland? And he wanted advice on how to make Poland manlier? Finally, the hamburger brained country gained some sense! Gilbert was surprised that he hadn't thought of the idea himself.

_Dear Hero # 1, _

_First of all – no one can even come close to being as awesome as Prussia. He's so awesome, even _I_ envy him. Now that that's out of the way – you want Feliks to be awesome? Normally I'd say that the only way to do that is be like Prussia – but that's impossible. He's a cross-dresser right? Just tell him that the most popular thing in America right now is the Biker Chick style and tell him to dress and act like a Biker Chick. Those Biker Chicks act like dudes anyways so Feliks's gonna end up acting manly... and that's kinda like awesome._

_Awesome, over and out. _

Gilbert _really_ couldn't wait for the next world meeting.

As Gilbert walked into the conference room in England for the next world meeting, he was greeted by Francis and Antonio, who had been harassing Arthur for his sweater vest.

"Ludwig let you come to this meeting too?" Antonio asked cheerfully, walking away from Arthur to fist bump Gilbert.

"Nah I let myself come – I _am_ the awesome older brother after all," Gilbert replied, smirking.

"You're older but not more responsible – does Ludwig even know you're here?" Arthur demanded, looking up from trying to punch his way out of Francis's arms.

"Cher you are hurting me," Francis said, snuggling into Arthur's shoulder. Arthur blushed a bright red and began punching harder.

"That's the bloody point!" he yelled, finally managing to escape Francis and stomping away from them.

"He doesn't get it does he?" Francis said, joining his friends, who were both busy laughing at him.

"Nope," they said in unison. Francis sighed dramatically.

"C'est la vie I guess," he said. "Oh well, Antonio let's go make fun of him more about his sweater vest," Francis said, eyes twinkling. Even after getting beaten up by the grumpy nation, France still seemed to want to go back for more.

"Alright!" Antonio said cheerfully. "You coming?" he asked Gilbert, who had just seen Canada come walking in.

"In a bit," he promised. "I just need to talk to someone."

Francis and Antonio exchanged an amused look before walking towards Arthur, much to the Englishman's horror.

"Hey Matt!" Gilbert called out, going up to the younger man. Matthew looked up, grinning.

"Hey Gilbert," he said cheerfully, pulling his ear buds out.

"What were you listening to?" Gilbert asked curiously. Matthew shrugged.

"Hedley," came the reply. Gilbert had no idea what that was. "It's a Canadian band," Matthew added quickly.

"Awesome. Hey Matt, can I ask you a question?" Gilbert asked.

"Sure," Matthew said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. Although Matthew preferred to walk around in an oversized sweatshirt and baggy jeans, he always dressed professionally for world meetings. Gilbert smiled slightly at the action. Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, Gilbert had just a _little_ crush on Canada. Not a really big one… he just thought the guy was cute [not saying he was _gay_ or anything – Matthew's a pretty feminine looking dude]. He quickly got over it after realizing Matthew was probably not into that sorta thing.

"Did any of the nations ask you for some of your maple syrup?" Gilbert asked. Matthew laughed.

"Of course they did. Let's see… Belgium and Netherlands asked me for some, my brother asked for some… so did Cuba, England… France… Hungary asked for some so she could surprise Austria with breakfast in bed… and that's it. Why?" Canada asked. Prussia sighed. That was a total of 6 people who could be his secret admirer.

"Just curious – wanted to know if I was the only person other than you who loved maple syrup," he fibbed quickly.

Just then Lithuania came running up to them. "Mr America!" he exclaimed. "Have you seen Poland? I've been so worried about him ever since that day he said that it was a waste being nice to Mr Russia – I haven't heard from him in ages, what if Mr Russia's hurt him or something? Estonia said that he was staying in your house and-"

"Lithuania you're not talking to America," Prussia interrupted, as Canada blushed deeply. Lithuania paused, confused.

"What?" he asked.

"That's Canada… you know… America's _brother_?" Prussia said.

"Oh! I'm terribly sorry I was just worried about Poland…" Lithuania said, flustered. Canada nodded, too shy to reply back. It always surprised Prussia – the two of them were such good friends that Canada was always outgoing with Prussia – he always forgot that Matthew was a shy boy in reality.

"Come _on_ you look great!" a voice said loudly from the door. Canada rolled his eyes.

"T-that's probably A-America…" he said quietly. Lithuania let out a sigh of relief. He began to walk towards the other nation.

"Mr America, have you seen-" Lithuania froze mid-step.

Standing beside America was a rather intimidating man. The man had piercing green eyes and a rather condescending look to him. But his attire was what made him so menacing-looking. Adorn in a leather jacket, a pair of sunglasses hanging from the neck of a plain white shirt, tight, ripped, denim jeans with chains hanging from the belt line to the pockets, and large, heavy looking black leather boots, the man's entrance had brought the room to silence as they surveyed this foreigner.

"Alfred, who is this? You know you aren't supposed to have guests here," England said, using America's human name for fear they were in the presence of a human [humans have no idea that their countries are personified as people].

"Like, I'm not a guest Arthur," the man said, glaring at the Englishman. Arthur sputtered, caught completely off-guard by the man's dialect, turning a bright red.

Gilbert however let out a whoop. "Feliks!" he exclaimed, unable to believe his eyes, "Is that you?"

"Like duh of course it's me," Feliks replied, rolling his eyes. "I thought I'd try a new look – according to America it's the latest style here!"

Alfred grinned at the man beside him. "You should see him riding a motorcycle – the man's a speed demon!" he exclaimed. The two men fist bumped.

"P-P-Poland…?" Lithuania said, staring at his best friend in horror.

"That's my name," Poland replied. "What d'you think of my new look Liet?" he asked.

Lithuania paled. "U-uh it l-looks… it looks…" His eyes glazed over and he collapsed onto the ground in a dead faint.

"Lithuania!" Estonia cried out, running towards his brother with Latvia.

"I guess he must've fainted from shock because he's not used to seeing you look this awesome!" America said cheerily. Prussia growled at him. Only Gilbert's allowed to look awesome – no one else.

After a brief silence Austria cleared his throat. "May we all take our seats so I can present my ideas to you all about how to solve current world issues?" he asked. The other nations grudgingly agreed.

Prussia pulled out his iPod, fully intending to ignore Austria's crappy speech with loud music. Germany shot his brother a look, then remembered his vow to cut his brother some more slack and turned his attention back to Austria.

"Oh hey Gil – the receptionist said another package came for you again," Alfred said, tossing Gilbert a small box. Gilbert glared at Alfred. He intensely disliked being called "Gil". Matthew _definitely_ was his favourite of the North American brothers. Gilbert couldn't understand how Arthur managed to ignore him like that, especially when Alfred was such a brat.

"Oooh Gilbert d'you have a secret admirer?" Feliciano said eagerly, leaning over Germany to get a better view of the present, not noticing how red Germany's face had gotten.

Gilbert shrugged. "Guess so… about time someone accepted how awesome I was," he said as he opened the box.

"It's… it's a stuffed animal," Francis said, leaning across the conference table to get a better view. "It's not very romantic," he sniffed.

"Can we please start the meeting-"

"I think it's cute that someone sent Gilbert a stuffed animal!" Elizaveta cooed, not realizing she had just interrupted her own husband's attempts to start the meeting. Elizaveta giggled. She really hoped it was a boy who liked Gilbert. Would Gilbert be willing to take pictures of his new boyfriend kissing for her? Elizaveta really hoped he would. It had been ages since she had seen any boy on boy action and it made her kind of sad.

"Heh… it's something a girl would do," Matthew teased, aware that nobody else could probably hear him. "D'you like it?"

Gilbert stared at the stuffed animal. "It's… a chick," he said finally. He stared at the fluffy, squishy yellow bird. "It's… so… _cute_," he said, holding the chick up to eye-level, staring at it with awe.

"I'm guessing he likes it," Antonio teased. "That's so cute – almost as cute as you Lovino!" he added to the Italian beside him, who scowled in response.

"Can we _please_ get started with the meeting?" Roderich broke through stiffly. Gilbert, Elizaveta, Antonio, Feliciano, Francis and Matthew all glared at him.

"Austria's right – we should start," Germany said and Prussia groaned. Holding the toy chick close to him Prussia put his earphones in to tune out the meeting.

Who would've guessed his secret admirer would actually get him something he really liked? Prussia really wanted to meet this person now. It was time to start doing detective work.

* * *

**A/N: Hello my lovely readers~~ thanks so much for the reviews! You make this gal verrry happy :D **

**Just a note - I'll be pretty busy in the next few days so there won't be any chapters up for a while and I just wanted to say this: **

**There have been quite a few emails that I'll be writing chapters for. To make sure that people don't send "advice problems" from nations that I'll already be writing about I've put together a very small list of the countries I'll be writing about soon [I'm not going to say whether or not someone sent me the idea or if it was my idea ;D]**

**I'll be writing about: **

**Romano**

**Denmark **

**Canada**

**England **

**So sorry guys! No sending me "advice problems" for those nations! The rest are allowed though x] Just remember - only canon characters - no OCs. **

**If any of y'all are curious about pairings [because I just changed the second genre from drama to romance] sorry I'm not saying anything! It'll spoil some of the planned chapters I have in my mind. **

**I'll just say this... if you look at some of my other stories [yes I'm shamelessly promoting myself right now] you'll see that I mention in another Author's Note what my OTP is. And I do use it in this story. Take that as you will. **

**Keep on reading! Thanks so much for all your support - I love y'all :'D**

**BikerChick!Poland like totes wants you to review. Like to the max. **


	6. Note Gilbert Is Def Not A Love Guru

As Gilbert stumbled back to his bedroom after throwing up in the washroom [the after product from going to the bar with Denmark and England the night before] he cursed the moment he ever decided to take up Denmark's challenge to see who could drink the most shots. Damn the Danish people and their ability to hold liquor! His headache wasn't going to go away for a long time.

A loud beeping rang in his room. It felt as though it had rammed itself into Gilbert's right ear, kicked his brain around a few times, stepped on it and then left through Gilbert's left ear. Gilbert moaned, flopping onto the bed. He _really_ did not want to answer that. Another beep followed, with another shortly afterwards. Gilbert swore.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he muttered as he walked to his computer, cursing Denmark to all eternity for his hangover.

_Dear Awesome Advice__,_

_Ok well I have been getting on Norway's bad side and he keeps on ignoring me and I can't take it anymore because I love him how can I make him not angry and like me a little more._

_Sincerely,__  
AxeWop_

Gilbert cackled, despite his raging headache. It was almost as if God pitied him and decided to help him get revenge on Denmark, who the email was most definitely from. Trying to think of the perfect reply, Gilbert decided to look at the other emails.

_Awesome Advice,_

_I live a sad life. I forced this guy I really love to be my wife. I can see he is very scared of me. At night, he would always hesitate before crawling next to me. But I really do love my wife. How could I make him feel comfortable with me?_

_Help me,__  
__ILoveTV_

Gilbert's jaw dropped. He and Sweden had never interacted much, but the Prussian always found the other man extremely intimidating and scary. The fact that the guy could even have a _heart_… Shaking his head he turned to the last email.

_Dear Awesome (my ass) Advice,_

_So, there is this __bastard I know, and a few weeks ago he painted my face to look like a tomato. I like him, but he is a dumbfuck, so whenever I show my affection, he doesn't understand. On top of that, he is a manwhore. Last week he was hitting on my BROTHER. My fucking brother! What can I do to get his attention?_

_-L.V. Tomatoes._

_P.S. Go fuck yourself, you asshat._

Gilbert smirked. So Romano liked Antonio back. Of course, as one of Antonio's best friends he should help the two unite so his friend could be happy… but Romano was such a pissy little shit that it was more appealing to Gilbert to mess with Romano.

_Dear Little Shit, _

_He was hitting on your brother you say? Your brother? Obviously your brother's doing something that your man likes. You should be more like your brother. Maybe then your man'll like you. _

_-Awesome _

_P.S. You're just jealous of my awesomeness. I'd like to see people come grovelling at your feet for advice. _

After sending he turned back to Denmark's email.

_Dear AxeWop, _

_The reason Norway doesn't like you is because you try to tell him in stupidly subtle ways. This is a dude we're talking about here – not a chick. If Norge was a chick you could do the most subtle thing and "she'd" know automatically that you love her. But this is a dude. We guys are idiots. You need to tell him in the most obvious way possible, like yelling it out during a world meeting. That would definitely show Norway you really care. I mean, if you're brave enough to say it in front of everyone that's gotta mean something right? _

_-Awesome_

_P.S. You should let Prussia win some of your drinking challenges. Assholes who always win lose awesome friends… if you get what I mean. _

On a roll now, Gilbert turned to Sweden's email with malicious glee, before he remembered who he was dealing with. This was _Sweden_ – as in, scary-tall-blonde-dude-with-really-scary-stare. This was the man who had made Prussia realize that there was someone scarier than his brother when on a rampage to find out who left the dishes unwashed in the sink [usually it was Prussia's fault – that's when he'd leave to hang out with "Lizzie" and "Roddy" – much to their expense]. There was _no_ way he wanted to be on Sweden's bad side.

So he decided to go the sincere route and actually attempt at advice.

_Dear ILoveTV, _

_Gee, it's hard for someone like you to seem all gentle and stuff right? So it's going to be a bit of a long process. Start by smiling more and staring less. Smiling = nice guy, happy guy, NON-SCARY GUY. Staring = creeper, stalker, Russia. After realizing that you're not a creep and not scary and actually kinda awesome, he'll definitely fall for you. _

_Good luck with that, _

_Awesome_

As Gilbert pressed 'send', he sighed, his headache starting to ebb away. "Oh Prussia you are _such_ a sincere and kind nation," he cooed to himself, imagining dozens of beautiful women saying that to him. And of course he'd say, "Fuck yes I am."

Right as Gilbert was about to log off and go sleep off his hangover, a loud beeping alerted him for another email. Resolving to change the alarm as soon as possible, he opened the email, wondering who it could possibly be this time.

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_I've given him maple syrup and I've given him a present but he still doesn't realize how I feel about him! What should I do? I really would like to tell him, but I'm too nervous to. _

_Sincerely, _

_Loveless Friend_

Gilbert frowned. He had almost forgotten about the mysterious person who had been giving him presents. Who could it be? Who were the people Matthew said that asked him for some of his maple syrup? Belgium, Netherlands, Cuba, America, England, France, Hungary… none of these people seemed like they would harbour a secret crush on the awesome ex-nation.

Gilbert hardly knew Belgium so she was out [LF implied that they each other pretty well], Netherlands would only like Prussia if he was a pretty little girl, Cuba probably didn't know who the hell Prussia was [because Prussia sure as hell didn't know who Cuba was until a few weeks ago], Gilbert had this odd feeling Alfred was into a certain Russian [I mean you can't blame the guy – the Cold War? Hell_o_ sexual tension much?], Gilbert was sure Arthur secretly was fucking Francis behind everyone's back so he was out, Francis was secretly fucking everyone else behind Arthur's back and would never go for one of his best friends so he was out, and Hungary… well, Matthew _had_ said she wanted some for Roderich [of all people to waste such awesome maple syrup on!]…maybe she wants a threesome between Prussia, her and Austria? Gilbert frowned slightly. That wouldn't be half bad. All he'd have to do was push Roderich off the bed and he'd have Elizaveta all to himself.

But whoever LF might've been, they certainly weren't going to tell him anytime soon. Gilbert sighed. He actually had no idea what to tell him. Even a guy as maliciously deviously awesome as Gilbert tends to get guilty when they ask an anonymous person to buy them presents.

_Dear LF,_

_I actually have no idea. Play a song for them or something? I don't know. _

_Peace, _

_Awesome_

_

* * *

_

"Germany your brother is behaving inappropriately and immaturely," England said heatedly to Germany as Prussia pushed him away, trying to win the rolling chair race between him, Spain and France.

"Would you stop doing that please?" Germany said, rubbing his temples. It was too early to be dealing with _this_ – the meeting hadn't even officially started! Prussia paused in his racing to give his younger brother a look. Germany hastily added, "… sir."

England stared at him. "Did you just refer to _him_ as sir?" he asked incredulously. "The thought of you calling him that is blasphemous Germany!"

"Really England, who the fuck says that anymore?" Prussia retorted, zooming past the stormy British man, sending papers flying.

As Alfred and Feliks [still decked out in biker clothing] walked into the room, Gilbert thought it'd be funny if he tried running them over. Ditching his race just as he was winning, he spun around and tried to get them by surprise.

"Hey watch out!" a voice cried out. Gilbert froze.

"Oh – Matt. Sorry," he said apologetically, stopping to help the Canadian back to his feet, an earphone dangling out of his ear and moving out of the way as Spain zoomed by. "Didn't see you there."

"Most people don't," Matthew teased, laughing as Gilbert blushed and opened his mouth to apologize again. "Don't sweat it I'm not hurt," he said, motioning to himself and taking his earphones out completely to put them away.

"What were you listening to?" Gilbert asked curiously. He always found songs from other nations fascinating, being a bit of an amateur musician himself [sadly thanks to Austria back when he was living with Prussia and Germany].

"Oh some song," Matthew said casually, shrugging.

"Lemme hear!" Gilbert demanded, grabbing the earphones out of Matthew's hands before the other man can say anything and jamming them into his ears.

It's a peaceful melody, a soft piano playing in the background.

_Falling a thousand feet per second__, __you still take me by surprise__, __I just know we can't be over__, __I can see it in your eyes__…_

Gilbert pulled the earphones out only to see Matthew watching expectantly. "Well?" he asked nervously.

"It's not something I thought you'd listen to," he admitted. "I thought you listened to… songs about hockey I guess."

Matthew laughed. "I have those on there too," he said, motioning to the iPod.

"Hey Matt! Come here I need to talk to you about my new Health Care system!" Alfred shouted his voice louder than anyone else's. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"I guess I'll talk to you later," Matthew said, turning away. "I need to go tell Alfred how stupid his new Health Care system is and how mine is better."

Gilbert nodded as Matthew walked away. Bored now that Matthew was busy and the race was over [Spain won by default after France slunk off to harass England], he decided to go bother a certain stuffy Austrian.

"Hey Roddy," Gilbert drawled, throwing an arm around Austria, who frowned.

"Hello Gilbert," Roderich said, obviously irritated.

"How were those pancakes?" Gilbert asked. If LF really was Elizaveta, then she would've told Matthew that she was planning to surprise Roderich with breakfast in bed as an excuse and Roderich would have no idea what he was talking about.

"How did you know Elizaveta and I had breakfast in bed this morning?" Roderich said suspiciously. Gilbert blinked.

"You mean you guys did?" Gilbert sputtered. Roderich nodded seriously, shaking the Prussian's arm off of him.

"Now if you excuse me I'll be leaving to converse with literate, intelligent nations now," Roderich said snobbishly, strolling away. Gilbert stuck his tongue out at Roderich behind his back, not caring how immature he seemed. Austria really was a big pain in the ass, the stuck up jerk. And people say _he_ was vain.

"Why are you sticking out your tongue at Roderich?" a voice said behind Gilbert. Gilbert turned around to see Elizaveta staring suspiciously at him. It was hard to believe that the two of them were even _friends_ a long, long time ago back when Gilbert thought Elizaveta was a dude [come to think of it, Elizaveta wasn't a very manly sounding name – it was weird that he ever thought she was a guy].

"Because your husband is an ass."

"And you aren't?"

"Honey 'awesome' isn't a synonym for 'snotty asshole' – Roderich's the synonym for that."

"You're just jealous of him."

"Of _him_? Liz, don't make me laugh! What's there to be jealous of? The fact that he'd rather spend his days playing the _piano_ than screw you all day? The fact that he's _so_ boring? Honestly I don't get what you see in him."

Elizaveta sniffed, flipping her hair back. "Of course _you_ wouldn't understand – you've never been in love."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "If falling in love is like that than I don't want to ever fall in love!"

"Still just as obnoxious as you were back when you were part of the Teutonic Knights I see," Elizaveta said coolly. An evil smile pulled at her lips. "Considering the fact I know who your secret admirer is, do you really not want to ever fall in love?"

"I was never obnoxious!" Gilbert protested before pausing. "Wait, you know who my secret admirer is?"

Elizaveta nodded, amused at Gilbert's sudden politeness. "I saw him emailing Awesome Advice on how to deal with you and confronted him about it."

"So it's a dude then?" Gilbert asked. So that took out Belgium and Hungary. Pity, Belgium was pretty hot. Elizaveta nodded. "So are you gonna tell me who it is or not?" he asked. Elizaveta's eyes widened in mock horror.

"And spoil the surprise? I would never! Unless…" she added, smiling sweetly at Gilbert. A little _too_ sweetly.

"Unless what?" Gilbert asked, suspicious. Out of all the nations he had known Hungary the longest and he knew by now what Elizaveta was like when she wanted something [pity that never happened to be sex]. "Because if you're just going to ask me again to install a little camera in West's room the next time Feliciano comes for a sleepover the answer is no. I'm not ready to burn my eyes out for the sake of your perverted fetishes."

Elizaveta laughed. "Oh no don't worry about that – I got Kiku to help me with that. What I want from you is the promise that if I tell you who your secret admirer is, you'll give me pictures of the two of you together once you two finally hook up."

Gilbert sputtered. It was one thing for Elizaveta to even suggest a thing – but the fact that she was implying he was _gay_? "Whoa back up. Who the fuck said I'd be getting together with the dude once I find out?" he demanded. Elizaveta beamed at him.

"Because the moment you'd find out, you'd want to date him," she replied cryptically.

"You're been watching gay porn for too long Liz – you're making no sense."

"I don't watch gay porn! And if you don't get it… too bad for you," Elizaveta answered, winking at the Prussian. "So what d'you say?"

"The answer is no – never!" Gilbert replied, fuming. There was no way he would fuel Elizaveta's Boys Love fetish. Never in his life. If she wanted boy-on-boy action well then she should just get her stupid pussy husband to make-out with some dude. Gilbert would not take part in any of it.

Elizaveta shrugged. She knew that Gilbert would crack sooner or later. "We'll see about that," she said, walking away.

"I bet you don't even know who it is either!" Gilbert shouted at her retreating back. Elizaveta just laughed in response, sitting beside her husband and planting a chaste kiss on his cheek, completely ignoring Prussia. Gilbert shot daggers at her with his eyes.

"Why are you glaring at Hungary?" a voice said behind his back. Gilbert turned to see Arthur standing behind him. "The meeting's been postponed by the way. The moron decided to leave the conference that _he _was holding to get a hamburger and nobody knows where he is," he added, rolling his eyes. It was then that Gilbert noticed the lone earphone in Arthur's left ear.

"What're you listening to?" Gilbert demanded. Arthur moved away from Gilbert.

"None of your business," Arthur grumbled, blushing slightly. This was Gilbert's cue.

"Oh Arthur if it's the Spice Girls you're listening to you don't have to hide it from me – those chicks were pretty hot back in the day," Gilbert said, trying to grab the right earphone so he could listen. Arthur tugged it away from Gilbert's grip. Gilbert poked Arthur in the stomach and used Arthur's gasp of pain and clutching of his stomach to pull back the earphone and stick it into his ear.

_Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head. Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes, and she's gone…_

"The Beatles? Why are you embarrassed about listening to the Beatles?" Gilbert demanded. In his opinion, the Beatles were one of the awesomest bands ever. Back when Gilbert and Arthur were going through their awkward teen years, they used to go to Beatles concerts. Arthur used to even have a similar hairstyle – that is, until Francis told him he looked like a gay choir boy.

"I'm not," Arthur muttered. "I just don't like sharing earphones."

Gilbert winked. "Or maybe you _just_ quickly changed the song from 'Wannabe' to 'Lucy in the sky with diamonds'," he teased. Arthur blushed harder.

"Of course not," he muttered, stomping away. "Why I bother talking to you when I'm not drunk is a wonder."

"Why I bother listening to your drunken rants about the American Revolution is a wonder too!" Gilbert called out, laughing as Arthur made a growling noise.

"Cher, why are you yelling at _Angleterre_?" Francis purred behind Gilbert, resting his head on the Prussian's shoulder. Even though he totally wasn't gay, Gilbert didn't say anything about the action. The two had known each other back when they were both harassing Austria and Maria Theresa during the War of Austrian Succession. After knowing each other for so long, Gilbert was used to Francis.

"When am I _not_ yelling at him?" Gilbert replied. "I was just harassing him about his taste in music."

The Frenchman nodded in agreement. "_Oui,_ Arthur's taste in music is… strange. I much prefer the music created in my own country by my beautiful people!" he replied. Gilbert's eyebrow rose.

"Oh really?" he asked. "Like what?"

"_La Marseillaise_ of course!" Francis replied. Gilbert rolled his eyes, laughing. Of course France's favourite song would be his own national anthem – he was the only nation vainer than Prussia himself.

"But _my_ national anthem is better!" a rather obnoxious voice said behind them. Gilbert groaned; obviously Alfred had returned and decided to listen in to Gilbert and Francis's conversation. "Oh say! Can't you seee~~"

"Please for the love of God stop singing," Gilbert muttered as Alfred continued to sing, his right hand over his heart, voice echoing through the room. Gilbert used this as is opportunity to flee.

"Now that America is here may we _please _start the conference?" Germany said. His voice was not as loud as America's but somehow everyone managed to hear him. Noise dying down, the countries all sat down in their seats. Prussia noticed that the Italian brothers had not arrived yet.

"Alright!" America said, running to the front. "Because I'm the hero and I'm running this conference I'm gonna decide who gets to talk first about our global economy!"

"And how you're ruining it?" England taunted. America glared at him.

"I'm not ruining it," America said, pouting. "But anyways – who wants to go first?"

"Actually, can I go first? I… I don't have anything to say about the global economy because I don't give a shit about it but… I have something to say," Denmark said, standing up. Prussia's eyes widened. Could it be…?

"Ok Denmark, go ahead!" America said, sitting down in his seat and noisily pulling out the Big Mac he bought at MacDonald's, completely ignoring the death glare England was giving him.

Denmark took a deep breath in before turning to Norway, who was staring at him coolly. "This is kinda for you, Erik," he said, using Norway's human name. Norway blinked, his expression blank. "I know that in these past few weeks I've pissed you off a whole fuckin' lot but… I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to, man. I… I fuckin' love you. THAT'S RIGHT," Denmark roared, turning to the rest of the nations, who were staring at him in slight horror, "I FUCKIN' LOVE NORWAY. Do you love me back?"

All eyes turned to the Norwegian, who was still staring at the Dane with the same blank expression. There was an awkward silence as everyone tried to not look at either man yet not miss Norway's reply.

"VE~~ SORRY WE'RE LATEE!" a voice cried out, almost giving Gilbert a fucking _heart attack_ as they ran into the room, colliding into Germany, who had stood up to give said person a stern lecture on punctuality.

"You're late Italy," Germany said to the Italian, who was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet before throwing his arms around the German.

"Ve~ Hello Potato Bastard!" Italy said cheerfully. Prussia's eyes widened as his younger brother sputtered.

"W-what did you just call me?" Germany demanded.

"Potato bastard!" Italy cheerfully replied. Come to think of it, in the years Prussia had known the Italian, this was the first time ever his eyes were wide open. And his hair was a lot darker… and… _his curl was in the wrong place!_

"Romano!" Prussia blurted out before bursting into laughter.

"That's… that's _Romano_?" Germany yelped, pushing the Italian off of him and staring into his eyes.

"That's me!" Romano said cheerfully. Germany's eye twitched slightly.

"If you're here then where's your brother?" Germany demanded.

"Ve~ Germany I'm right here!" Italy said, walking into the room and beaming at everyone. "We took a really long siesta and forgot that there was a meeting today," he said apologetically, shuffling his feet before brightening up. "And when I woke up Lovi was all happy like me – isn't this great?"

"I don't even know what to think of this right now," Germany muttered, looking at both of the Italian brothers with almost horror, not catching his older brother's look of malicious glee while holding in his laughter.

"I… I think it would be wise if we just continued on with the conference," England said hastily, still staring at the two boys, trying to figure out what the hell had happened to the arrogant, short-tempered older Italian brother. Germany nodded, looking away from the boys.

"Yes I agree. Um – Finland you may go up now," Germany said, motioning to the smaller nation. Finland stood up, nodding. He glanced at Sweden for a brief second and to Prussia's surprise the very intimidating nation smiled at Finland, making the man blush and walk to the front, a small smile at his lips. Prussia smirked. Pity Sweden didn't know who Awesome Advice was, because he'd totally want to thank Prussia for giving such… _awesome_ advice.

"Is it just me or anyone else hoping that the meeting ends early?" Columbia whispered to her sisters.

"I want to play soccer – I need to practice since I'm going to be facing those _cheaters_ soon," Brazil said, motioning to the Italian brothers. After an encounter with Switzerland [who had threatened to shoot her for being indecent in front of his little innocent sister], she had opted to wearing shirts, not really having a death wish.

"Will everyone quiet down now?" Germany said, imposing his death stare on the South American girls. "You may begin," he said, nodding at Finland.

"Thank you. Good afternoon fellow nations. We have gathered here today to talk about…" Gilbert really didn't pay much attention to the rest of the presentation. The only ones really paying attention to the presentation [the only ones who usually ever paid attention to any presentation] were Germany, England, Sweden, Russia, Canada and the Baltic Nations. Everyone else was attempting to seem like they were paying attention by pretending to take notes or whispering to each other whenever Germany wasn't looking. It was during times like these when Prussia liked to eavesdrop, preferring to stay silent. You never know what useful things you might learn that could benefit you at a later time. He decided to focus on his two latest victims – Romano and Denmark.

"Erik! Please talk to me," Denmark whispered urgently, shaking the Norwegian. "You're freaking me out!"

"You know Matthias; you're the biggest idiot I've ever met," Norway said quietly, surprising Denmark [and Prussia] by using his human name. Typically countries only used their human names whenever in the presence of a human, or if they were close friends [or lovers]. Norway didn't seem like he considered Denmark a close friend but hey – if _England_ could secretly be in love with France then perhaps Norway could secretly think of Denmark as a friend too.

Denmark grinned hopefully, looking rather childlike. "Is that a good thing?" he asked. Norway turned to stare at Denmark, his expression unreadable. Denmark's grin faltered, almost grimacing.

To his surprise [and Prussia's], Norway smiled softly. "Maybe," he teased, turning back to Finland's presentation, resting his head on his left hand. Denmark looked delighted. Prussia was pissed off. He had intended to embarrass Denmark in front of everyone – not help him! Dammit, sometimes Prussia was a little _too_ awesome at dishing out advice. Oh well, maybe next time.

"Isn't that really you Lovino?" Antonio said amazed, poking the scarily cheerful Italian man.

"Yupp! Aren't you happy? Now you have your very own Feliciano!" Lovino replied, beaming. Prussia could still see the arrogance hiding underneath though, just waiting to burst free.

"But… I liked you better back when you were you," Antonio said softly. Lovino stared at him in horror.

"What do you mean you bastard? If you liked me better why would you flirt with my brother?" he demanded, reverting back to his normal self and dropping his voice before Germany could give him the look of death.

Antonio looked surprised. "_Mi amor,_ calling someone cute isn't flirting! Feli's as cute as a kitty! But I think you're cuter!" he added, smiling at the younger man, who blushed.

"Oh…" Romano said quietly. A silence lingered between them as Antonio put his hand on Romano's own. Prussia mentally cursed Cupid, stupid fucking baby, floating around and helping people with their love problems – even when Prussia was trying to screw them up. It wasn't very awesome. Neither of his revenge plots worked! Bored and annoyed now, Prussia decided to annoy his brother by humming a German song [that he knew for a fact Ludwig hated].

"That song sucks," a voice muttered beside him. Prussia glanced at Netherlands, who was calming puffing on his pipe even though Germany told him countless times he wasn't allowed to smoke in the conference room.

"What are you talking about – my music's awesome!" Gilbert replied. Well technically it wasn't _his_ music because it was from Germany, not Prussia, but Gilbert always ignored that.

"Well you should listen to this," Netherlands said gruffly, tossing Gilbert his earphones. Mystified at Netherlands's actions [I mean, the guy _hates_ Antonio and Gilbert's Antonio's BFFL, so wouldn't that automatically mean Netherlands hates Gilbert too? Unless…]

"You listen to… electronic?" Gilbert asked. It was kind of surprising – but then again, Gilbert never thought that Netherlands even _listened_ to music.

"So?" Netherlands asked, taking the earphones back from Gilbert and inserting them back in.

"Nothing," Gilbert muttered, aware that Netherlands couldn't hear him. "It's just surprising – that's it."

The meeting dragged on. Gilbert's eyes were drooping as various nations droned on about stupid issues like the Global Economy and environmental shit. Maybe it was a _good_ thing that Gilbert wasn't a nation anymore.

When the meeting finally ended [a fairly productive meeting – America kept himself busy with his McDonald's, England and France didn't attempt to kill each other, and the vein in Germany's forehead didn't burst], Prussia nearly flew out of his seat to the door, only pausing when Germany called him back ["Hold it!" "Hmmm?" "Hold it… _sir_." "Thank you."].

"I thought this was a really good meeting – didn't you Su-san?" Finland said cheerfully as he and Sweden exited the conference room, Sweden uncharacteristically holding the door open for Finland.

"You w're teh b'st p'rt," Sweden mumbled, blushing as Finland beamed at him.

"Thank you!" he exclaimed, turning a little pink too. Prussia grinned slightly as the two exited.

He may have failed in his revenge tactics but he sure as hell could give out sincere, good advice when he wanted to.

_Gosh damn Prussia why are you so fucking awesome? _Prussia imagined countless women saying. _Well ladies, I just am,_ he replied in his mind.

* * *

**A/N: Fuck yes Gilbert envisions beautiful women telling him how awesome he is. **

**Ooooh thank you all for sending me reviews! You have no idea how happy it makes me ^^ and plus, writing chapters keeps me busy. So keep sending! Hopefully I'll be posting my own self-made chapter right after this one :D **

**Oh just a question - how many chapters d'you think I should have? Because I don't want to have _too_ much but I don't want too little or else the plot will move too fast and won't be good ._. **

**Btw just in case people are wondering - the song Matthew shows Gilbert is _Perfect_ by Hedley [yes the band Matthew listens to earlier in the story - it's also my favourite band] and the one Netherlands shows Gilbert is _Feels Like Falling_ by 16 Bit Lolita's. I chose that song because the artists have "Lolita" in their name and Himaruya mentioned in earlier sketches that Netherlands has a Lolita complex ^^ Aren't I just ingenious? **

**Reviews let you be one of those beautiful ladies cooing at Gilbert in his imagination [and really, who DOESN'T want that?].**


	7. Because Nobody Says Blasphemous Anymore

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_I am requesting your help on a certain issue that has been on my mind for quite some time. There is a fellow that I quite like – but I absolutely despise him at the same time! He is flirtatious and vain and is always groping some poor chap, but I cannot get him out of my mind. I have already accepted the fact that I may harbour feelings for him [even though the thought is blasphemous in my mind] but I do not know how to convey them to him – the guy's a bloody _romantic_ for Pete's sake! But mind you, it is not like we're just friends or just enemies. We've been… engaging in carnal activities for a quite substantial amount of time but I do not think he realizes how much I care about him. How should I convey this to him?_

_Most sincerely, _

_Anonymous _

Gilbert rolled his eyes. _Finally_.

_Hey England, _

_Make out with him on the table. In front of everyone. Then, tell him you love him. You saw how it worked for Denmark – guys just _love_ public declarations of love._

_Peace out, _

_Awesome._

Only a few minutes after Gilbert pressed send, he heard a chiming sound [yes, he actually _did_ get around to changing the noise to something more pleasing to the ears than that godforsaken beeping].

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_How did you know who I am?_

Gilbert rolled his eyes again.

_Hey England, _

_No one says 'blasphemous' anymore. No one. _

_~ Awesome _

Gilbert munched on his cookie, leaning back. It was bound to come sooner or later – it had always been painfully obvious to Prussia and Spain, Canada, Australia, the South Asian girls, and basically every single country that had been a part of the British Commonwealth that England really liked France. And that they were secretly having sex [how do you think Canada was created?]. It was a bit of a relief to Gilbert that Arthur finally decided to act upon his feelings – now he could finally get that 10 bucks from Antonio for their bet.

A chiming broke through his thoughts. Gilbert grinned – he could get used to this notification sound. It was much better than that stupid beeping.

_Dear Awesome Advice-san,_

__

I would like to ask for some advice. I have an acquaintance who is a bit...trigger-happy. He also has a tendency to randomly pop in and scold me to state my honest opinion. To tell the truth, it started scaring me a little. What should I do?

Hope you have a great day.

_From: RisingSun_

Definitely from Japan… but about who? Gilbert re-read the email. Oh. Trigger-happy. Must be Switzerland. Figures.

_Dear RisingSun,_

_You want to make Switzerland less trigger-happy? That's gonna be hard. Harder than Netherlands when around little girls. You'll need to get help – ask Switzerland's sister Liechtenstein to distract him as you steal his guns. The moment you steal them – HIDE THEM IN A PLACE SWITZERLAND WILL NEVER FIND THEM. Or better yet, destroy them. It's not like he'll care much – his country is practically made of guns and shit and besides, if he's pissed it's not like he can _shoot_ you or anything. _

_Good luck with that,_

_Awesome_

Gilbert leaned back into his chair again as he pressed 'send'. It would be interesting to see Vash's reaction to when he realized his guns were missing. That is, if he even notices it. If nothing goes wrong in the next meeting, Vash won't have a reason to pull out his guns [and fire at everyone in the vicinity like a nerd playing COD4]. That wouldn't be good – Gilbert wanted to be there to see Vash's reaction to when he found out his guns were gone. Gilbert sighed. He'd just have to cause a commotion to give Vash a reason to pull out his guns. Shouldn't be too hard – he was good at that sort of thing.

Gilbird chirped happily at him from his little cage [which was more like a posh mansion for birds than a birdcage]. Gilbert scooped the little bird out of his cage/bird mansion and placed him on his head, smiling as Gilbird made himself home on the Prussian's head.

"_Bruder_ – are you busy?" a voice said in the doorway.

"For you – yes," Gilbert replied. Ludwig walked in anyways, giving Gilbert a stern look. "What?" Gilbert said innocently.

"You didn't walk Blackie yesterday," Ludwig said.

"So?" Gilbert asked. It's not like the stupid dog was Gilbert's pet or anything. It wasn't his responsibility.

"So? You promised you would walk him! You neglected your promise!" Ludwig fumed at him. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Don't get your panties in a knot West – I'll just walk him today," Gilbert said, standing up.

"No! That'll go against Blackie's schedule!" Ludwig replied. Gilbert froze, staring at his younger brother with a mix of horror and amusement.

"You… you have a schedule… for a _dog_?" Gilbert asked incredulously. Before Ludwig could respond, Feliciano came running into the room.

"Ve~ hello Gilbert!" Feliciano said, waving enthusiastically at the Prussian.

"Hello Feliciano…" Gilbert said, checking the time. It was only 10 AM – that must've meant Feliciano stayed over. "You slept over didn't you?" he asked.

Feliciano nodded enthusiastically. "Yup! It was _really_ fun too!" he added, not noticing Ludwig turn a faint pink. Gilbert glanced at his brother and remembered what Elizaveta said.

"Err West – did you notice anything in your room that shouldn't have been in there?" Gilbert asked casually. Knowing Ludwig he probably had a record of every single thing that was in his room, the man was so obsessive.

Ludwig's eyes narrowed. "No. Why?" he asked. Gilbert shrugged.

"No reason," came the reply. Ludwig faced his older brother with a death stare and Gilbert contemplated on whether or not he should warn his brother about what Elizaveta and Kiku did.

A soft chiming filled the air at the moment, filling the silence.

"Oooh what's that?" Feliciano asked eagerly. Gilbert felt his stomach drop in horror.

"Err nothing! Just an email from…" Gilbert pretended to look something up. "… Francis! Yea, Francis just wants to know if I want to go drinking with him and 'Toni after the next world meeting – you should go so I can reply to him in peace," he lied, beaming at the Italian.

"Ok! Come on Ludwig – let's go walk Blackie~" Feliciano exclaimed, dragging Ludwig out of Gilbert's room. Gilbert noted with amusement how Ludwig didn't protest or inform Feliciano that walking Blackie would ruin the dog's 'schedule' before turning back to the email.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

I've liked someone for a very long time but I'm not sure whether to tell him or not. He and my brother play hockey together often so lately I've realized that he might be in love with someone else. I never want to hurt him by making him choose between me and whoever he likes but I want him to realize that I love him too. What should I do?

_PitchforkesInLove_

Gilbert stared at the email. Hockey? Only Matthew played hockey – usually with Ivan [it always made Gilbert feel as though Matthew was secretly emo or something – because really, who would play hockey with a psycho like Russia?]… so who was this from? Ukraine? From what Prussia knew, Ukraine and Canada _did_ have very good ties – but nothing ever romantic. He always thought Matthew considered the _older_ woman like an older sister. And she had a _crush_ on Mattie? And Matthew liked someone else? Something flared up in Gilbert. Maybe it was just him being a good friend, but he felt as thought he should tell Ukraine off.

_Hey Pitchforks, _

_I know this is gonna sound pretty bitchy but… I think you need to get over your crush on Matthew. Because really, it's probably not even a crush or 'love'. Think about it – Matthew's younger, quiet and pretty passive. You've been taking care of him and he's been helping you out for a while. Doesn't he go to you for advice? Doesn't he ask you for help? Doesn't that sound familiar? Oh wait, it shouldn't – I doubt Ivan's like that. Anyways – he considers you like the older sister he's never had – and most likely you think of him as the younger brother you wished you had [but unfortunately was stuck with Ivan]. You've just deluded yourself into thinking you're in love with him or whatever. Your love for him is familial – nothing more. Just keep being a good sister figure to him and move on. I hear a bunch of England's brothers have the hots for you. They'd be a better match for you – plus they're around your age. I suggest spending time with them. _

_Have fun getting to know the UK brothers, _

_Awesome_

Matthew would thank Gilbert for successfully diverting a potential problem/awkward moment. He was _such_ a good friend. Such a good friend in fact, that Matthew should tell Gilbert who it was that he had a crush on. After all, Gilbert was good at giving out advice – maybe he could help Matthew.

"Hey Antonio are you coming drinking with me and Francis or not?"

"I don't know, Lovino and I were planning to do something together…" Gilbert groaned. The more and more he saw Antonio and his little pissy boyfriend, the more he wished he had told Lovino to jump off a cliff instead of acting like his brother.

"It's ok if you can't though – we won't mind," Gilbert lied. Antonio should very well know by now that Francis and Gilbert _would_ mind – and probably spend the entire time at the bar trashing the Spaniard if he didn't come along. Antonio beamed at his friend.

"Great! I hope you guys have fun!" And with that, Antonio walked away. Gilbert glared at the retreating back.

"I take it that _notre ami _will not be coming with us to the bar," Francis remarked, joining the Prussian at his side. Gilbert sighed.

"Love sucks," he remarked. Francis clutched his chest, gasping.

"_Mon ami_ love does not suck!" he exclaimed. "Love is one of the most amazing things to happen to a person! I am lucky to have fallen in love many times…"

"But if you've fallen in love lots of times – that's not really love is it?" Gilbert replied. Francis blinked.

"You _are_ right…" he murmured, perturbed. Disappointed in himself, and rather furious at Gilbert for making him realize this, Francis decided to talk to someone else. "_Mathieu!_" he called out, making the Canadian jump in surprise. "How is _mon fils_?"

"Oh hello papa," Matthew said meekly as the French nation threw his arms the boy. "I'm alright."

"Your life is so simple, cher. Do you not have any love problems that papa can help with?" Francis pleaded. Matthew blushed.

"N-not you too! Katyusha was just talking to me about that!" Matthew protested. Gilbert decided to use this as an opportunity to join the conversation.

"Talking to you about what Matt?" Gilbert asked curiously, helping Matthew pry his former father figure off of him.

"She was telling me how confusing love is and how you can never tell which type of love you have for a person and stuff… made no sense. She told me to call her сестра from now on too. Weird isn't it?" Matthew said. Gilbert nodded.

"Yea… completely weird." Gilbert hoped he didn't sound _too_ guilty. Francis glanced at his friend but didn't say anything.

"Hey Matthew!" Alfred's voice boomed. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"Yes dear brother of mine, whatever is it that you could want?" Matthew simpered. Alfred, completely oblivious to Matthew's tone, grinned.

"Have ya seen Arthur yet? The man's finally gone completely insane!" Alfred said through laughter. Gilbert and Francis exchanged a look as Matthew frowned.

"… insane? What are you talking about Alfred?" Matthew asked. Alfred pointed.

The three other men turned to the direction Alfred was pointing in. There, nearby Scotland, Ireland and Wales [with a very flattered and blushing Ukraine] was England, pacing and muttering under his breath, occasionally brightening up before cursing and going back to his pacing.

"What d'you think is up with him?" Gilbert asked. Francis laughed.

"He is _probablement _just realizing now how disgusting his food is," the Frenchman joked.

"Papa his food isn't_ that_ bad…" Matthew tried to defend weakly but the other men didn't hear him over their laughter.

Somehow, in a unlikely circumstance [that almost seemed to be concocted by a fifteen year old girl who really should've been doing her history essay rather than writing a fan fiction], Arthur heard the group laughing and looked up, a shadow passing on his face.

"What are you buggers laughing for?" Arthur said hotly, stomping over to Francis, Alfred, Matthew and Gilbert.

"Err – nothing," Matthew said innocently. Unfortunately, Arthur ignored him.

"Come on, out with it!" he said. Arthur seemed grumpier than usual. Gilbert decided that he would just quietly back away… "Where d'you think _you're_ going Gilbert?" Dammit.

"Was gonna go talk to someone less annoying."

"What is that implying?"

"I wasn't implying anything."

"Yes you were. You were implying that I'm annoying."

"No. I was full out saying you're annoying."

"_Cher_ I think maybe you need to calm down, _oui_?" Francis said smoothly before Arthur could interject, wrapping his arm around the Englishman's waist and giving Gilbert a warning look. Arthur blushed a deep red and pushed Francis off of him, practically stumbling to keep away from Francis.

"D-don't touch me frog!" Arthur sputtered. Matthew and Alfred exchanged a tired look.

"Hey Matt – still think you're gonna win the bet?" Alfred whispered to his brother.

"Yes. Now shut up," Matthew whispered back, turning his attention to the argument that was threatening to happen.

"_Cher_ why can't you just calm down?" Francis said, slightly irritated now.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" Arthur yelled.

"Because I care-"

"No you don't! You're just hoping that I'll shag you later!" Arthur yelled. The entire meeting room went silent. Francis's eyes widened as everyone around them began whispering. Silently Alfred handed Matthew a 20 dollar bill. Matthew rolled his eyes – he'd have to get that changed to the Canadian dollar.

"Arthur I think we should have this conversation later," Francis said quietly, taking a step towards Arthur.

"No! I refuse to have this conversation later! We're having this conversation right here right now Francis – in front of everyone!" Arthur exclaimed. Gilbert pulled up a nearby chair and sat down. This was going to get good.

"Talk about what?" Francis said in exasperation.

"I'm sick and tired of you expecting me to be ready to have sex with you whenever you like it and not mind whenever you decide to go fuck some other nation! Yes I knew – I knew whenever you went on your 'blood sprees! Did you honestly think that I didn't care? Did you honestly think that I wanted to be treated the way you treated every other single fucking nation that you had sex with? Because if you did then by Jove Francis Bonnefoy you are stupider than even Alfred!" Arthur shouted in the silent meeting room.

"But Arthur… then what _do_ you want?" Francis whispered, shocked from the outburst. Nobody seemed to have noticed Alfred, who was pouting at the indirect insult Arthur had flung at him. Matthew was patting his brother's back reassuringly.

The question caught Arthur off-guard. "What do I _want?_ What do _I_ want?" Arthur stared at the Frenchman in front of him. "I… I want…" and with that he walked up to Francis, grabbed him by the collar, and gave him the deepest kiss he could.

Pushing the shocked man against the meeting table, Arthur furiously wrapped his arms around Francis, running his right hand through Francis's long blonde hair. After a moments shock Francis responded, kissing back [although not as fiercely] and putting both arms around Arthur, allowing the younger man to push him onto the table itself.

"Hey Gilbert?" a voice said quietly in Gilbert's ear. Gilbert opened his eyes [he had closed them because really, nobody wants to see their two friends fucking on a table in front of them] and turned to the newcomer.

"What d'you want Antonio?" he whispered back rather harshly, still irked from their previous conversation.

"I think I'll come with you to the bar today… I don't think Francis will be accompanying you anymore," the Spaniard whispered apologetically, slipping a bill into Gilbert's hand. Gilbert grinned – he knew he would win the bet.

"Elizaveta darling please take this before you embarrass yourself," Roderich said quietly, handing his Hungarian wife a tissue. Elizaveta reached out for the tissue, her eyes never leaving the action that was occurring on the table.

"Why do I need a tissue?" she asked, staring ravenously at the action on the table, fervently hoping that Kiku was videotaping this as he promised.

"Your nose is bleeding."

"Brother, do men always kiss like that?" Liechtenstein whispered to her brother, trying to hold in her giggles. It was fun riling her brother up. Vash's eyes widened.

"No Heidi they don't! This is unacceptable!" Vash exclaimed, reaching for his gun. But… where was it? Heidi clasped her hand to her mouth, glancing at Kiku as she did. This was all too much fun!

"What's wrong brother?" Heidi said innocently, her eyes wide. Heidi was very good at acting innocent – she had to be or else her brother would find out what she did in her spare time [most of it involving helping out Kiku and Elizaveta in their escapades]

"My gun is gone!" Switzerland fumed, looking around. Liechtenstein kept up her charade, hoping that he wouldn't ask her where he had put his gun. "Do you remember where I put it?" Whoops too late.

Heidi bit back a giggle. "No brother I don't. I thought you had it with you." Wide, innocent eyes. Keep that in mind Heidi, if you want to convince your brother you had nothing to do with this, keep your eyes wide and innocent.

Vash frowned. "Then I must stop this another way," he said, stomping out of the room in search of something that could be used as a weapon.

Arthur pulled his lips from Francis's at this very moment, leaving the Frenchman gasping. "What was that for?" Francis said through gasps. Arthur stared into Francis's blue eyes.

"I love you Francis," Arthur whispered. Suddenly all the other nations felt awkward and looked away [about time too, those dirty perverts]. Gilbert turned to see Alfred staring out of the window, Matthew nowhere in sight.

"Where did Matt go?" the Prussian asked the American.

"He said something about not wanting to relieve his childhood and walked out of the room," Alfred replied, never turning away from the window. Alfred did not want to see his former father figure making out with the dude who groped everyone. That was scarring, even for Alfred. Gilbert shrugged and decided to go find the Canadian.

"Y-you love me?" Francis said, still on the table, his eyes never leaving Arthur's. Arthur nodded, uncharacteristically burying his face into Francis's chest.

"I want your love Francis. I don't want to see you with anyone other than me," the Brit murmured. Francis smiled softly, stroking Arthur's hair.

"_Mon cher,_ you already have my love," Francis replied, kissing the top of Arthur's head. Arthur looked up in shock, staring at Francis for what seemed like an eternity. "Now, how about we skip this meeting?" Francis suggested. "I don't think I want to sit and listen to global issues anymore." Arthur smiled.

"Me neither," he whispered and together the two left the room.

"Are they gone yet?" Alfred called from his place at the window.

"Yes Alfred they're gone," Ludwig said, shaking his head at the antics of the nations. Yet another meeting ruined. It was a wonder they ever got anything done in meetings. Sighing, the German turned to the rest of the nations, who were all whispering amongst each other and handing each other what looked like to Ludwig as money. "Because… because of what has just occurred… I think it would be smartest to postpone this meeting to tomorrow. And tomorrow," Germany added, giving each nation the sternest look he could muster, "we'll have an actual meeting."

"Ve~ of course Germany!" Italy exclaimed, running over to the other country and throwing his arms around him. "Wasn't it cute when Nii-chan and England kissed?"

Germany cleared his throat, ignoring the blush creeping on his face. "Er – yes Italy they were." That was a lie of course – Germany never found two people making out on a table cute. But it was Italy, and Germany never really liked to disagree with the smaller nation.

"You're going to have to throw out that dress when we get home, dear," Austria said to Hungary as they left. Hungary's dress was covered in blood. Hungary blushed, patting at her nose with a large amount of tissues.

"Hey Matt – you ok?" Gilbert said, finally finding the Canadian. He noticed that Matthew wasn't alone – he was with Cuba and Ukraine, sitting on the sidewalk outside. He sat down beside Canada.

Matthew gave him a look. "Why does everyone automatically think that something's wrong with me? Maybe I just wanted to go outside for some fresh air – did you consider that?" he shot at the Prussian.

"I would've… but your bro said something about not wanting to relieve your childhood so naturally, I got concerned."

"Well, you wouldn't want to be reminded of the fact that the two men who always made you call them 'father' were making out on a table in front of you, jogging memories of walking into papa's room and seeing them naked together and…" Matthew broke off, shuddering. Gilbert shuddered too – that wasn't a visual he wanted – and looked around. To his surprise, most of the British Commonwealth countries were loitering outside, either comforting each other or still looking horrified.

"Pari! Speak to me!" Ushma said in horror, shaking her twin sister by the shoulders. Sure, the two of them practically hated each other [after all, they _were_ having a civil war in their country and stuff] but they were still sisters and to be frank, Ushma was getting scared.

"They… they were making out…" Parvati said, her eyes wide. A small smile creeped up on her face. "It was fun to watch."

"Pari! What the hell? You're not supposed to be thinking about stuff like that – it's wrong!" Ushma exclaimed. She turned to their cousin. "Are you going to help me or not?"

"I always knew he was gay," India said, shaking her head. "And don't be so surprised Ushma – the two of you are friends with Hungary. I was wondering which one of you would be affected by her."

"Crikey I never thought Arthur would get the guts and do that, eh mate?" Australia said to New Zealand, who nodded fervently.

Shaking his head at the dysfunctional…_ness_ of the British Commonwealth family, Prussia turned back to Canada, noting that Cuba had gone to comfort some cousins of his and that Russia had called Ukraine over so they could go home.

"Oh hey Matthew – I heard you like someone, is that true?" possibly not the smartest thing he could've said, given the moment but Gilbert was curious.

Matthew turned to stare at Gilbert. "… _what_?" he said incredulously.

"I heard you like someone."

"Did Alfred tell you that? Because Alfred lies. A lot. He once told Arthur I liked eating his food and Arthur believed him. Worst five months of my life."

"No it wasn't Alfred – I just heard it in passing."

"Oh." Matthew shrugged. "I don't like anyone in that way. Weird isn't it considering I was raised by Francis of all people… but no. I don't like anyone. Do you?" Gilbert blinked at the questions.

"Where there _are_ a few countries I'd like to screw… but apart from that no. There aren't that many countries awesome enough for me," Gilbert boasted. Matthew burst out laughing.

"Of course there aren't," the Canadian teased. Spotting his brother nearby waving at them he stood up. "Well I guess I ought to go – help my brother recover. He's not used to this sorta stuff – he escaped at the right time."

"Alright. See you," Gilbert said, standing up as well, intending to find Antonio. Might as well get insanely wasted and spend time making fun of Francis and Arthur with Antonio. That was the only way to deal with yet another one of his best friends falling in [stupid fucking] love.

As he passed other nations to get to Spain, he noticed Netherlands give him a friendly smile before walking away with Belgium. Prussia frowned – what the fuck was that about? Shaking his head Prussia spotted his friend and ran over to him. He couldn't wait to get drunk.

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry if this chapter seems a bit rushed [it does for me] - I kinda wanted to get this chapter finished with so I could get started with some other writing projects/studying for exams before another story idea comes to mind. **

**Yes, you have finally read about my OTP - FrUk! Sorry if it's a bit fail - I've never tried writing it despite the fact I love it so. **

**It's my belief that little Liechtenstein is not as innocent as she appears. She's not a little kid anymore after all. She just keeps up the charade for her brother's sake, and just because it's so darn funny! Elizaveta was the older sister figure of Heidi's, and the two are good friends to this day. **

**I read that Sri Lanka and Hungary have like ambassadors in each other's countries, so I kinda supposed that maybe Lizzie's BL fandom would've affected one of the twins. Obviously it would be Pari though - Ushma's too sane for that sort of thing. I really should write a story about them. *adds to list of ideas for next writing project* **

**I've said this before and I'll say it now - thank you everyone who has been sending ideas, favouriting and adding to story alerts! Every time I see an email about one of the three it just makes my day! **

**How's about a challenge for you? Right now, as you can see _Awesome Advice _has only 18 reviews. Let's get to the 100 mark eh? Send this story to your friends and family people! Oh and don't worry - you don't have to have a chapter idea to review - I wouldn't mind if all you said was 'LOL I LOVED THIS 3' or something. I'd honestly love it. **

**And finally - yes I know, my name is different. I created CVM when I was much younger and rather stupid [I found out what Vamp meant and was like WHOA]. So I decided to change it to something more _me_. Because ya know, I'm Prussian and pure awesomeness. **

**Reviews make Francis and Arthur have sex on a table. Oh hot damn that would be yummy [*Austria hands tissues to stop nosebleed*]. **


	8. Pedophiles! They're EVERWHERE!

"What the fuck Arthur? It smells like something had sex in here and then _died_," Gilbert said gagging as he walked into the Brit's kitchen. Truth be told, of all places to wake up in, Arthur's house was not where he'd like to be, but what can a man do?

"My food does _not_ smell that bad!" Arthur protested, attempting to stir a pot of… something? The handle of the _metal_ spoon broke off, the curved part still embedded in the pot. Gilbert didn't know whether he should laugh, throw up, hold his breath, or a mix of the three.

"Actually Arthur, it does," Gilbert said, pulling up a chair and grabbing the newspaper that was lying nearby.

"Why can't you go home yet?" Arthur fumed. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Feliciano decided to invite Feliks over to surprise West with a house makeover and I need a place to stay while they're painting over the rooms and shit."

"And you couldn't have gone to Spain or Denmark?"

"Antonio's busy with his pissy little boyfriend and Matthias is with his Norwegian boy toy."

"Well I'm in a relationship too you know!"

"Yea but you don't count. Your idea of romance is beating the crap outta the poor guy and then stealing all his resources."

"It is not!"

"_Mon dieu,_ it is too early in the morning to listen to you two bicker," Francis said lazily as he entered the room. "Here _cher_, let me," he said to Arthur, pushing the Englishman out of the way so he could make breakfast.

"Maybe now we can eat something that won't guarantee us a trip to the emergency room!"

"My cooking doesn't suck!" Arthur retorted vehemently.

"Actually Arthur, it does."

"Francis!" Arthur fumed, rounding on his boyfriend. "Back me up here!"

Francis backed away from England, his hands raised. "_Mon amour_ do not make me lie to you," he admitted.

"Bloody wankers, the both of you," Arthur muttered, stomping out of the kitchen.

"A keeper, ain't he?" Gilbert remarked airily, putting both feet on Arthur's kitchen table.

"You haven't been in love Gilbert, you don't know what its like," Francis replied, not even looking up from his cooking. They've had this conversation before.

"Don't know, don't care, never want to know," Gilbert replied, looking around. "Hey, where'd your girlfriend put my laptop?"

"I'm a BOY!" Arthur's voice rang from the living room.

"Says the man who wears an apron while cooking and housecleans with a feather duster!" Gilbert shot back. Francis sighed, rolling his eyes. He now knew what Austria must go through everyday with Hungary and Prussia. The man was truly a saint for coping with it for so long.

"It's in the dining room on the table where you left it last Gilbert," Francis replied. Would either man notice if he slunk off back to bed? Probably would. Francis sighed. The things you do for friendship and love…

"Thanks bro," Gilbert replied, flashing the Frenchman a grin before walking to the dining room and grabbing his laptop then returning back to the kitchen.

"Anything new?" Francis asked.

"Uh… that Miley chick from Alfredland's in London performing _Britain's Got Talent_… Hey Arthur! Did you see that episode?"

"No. I refused to support anymore of the trashy stars from America," Arthur grumbled, walking into the kitchen. Francis blew him a light kiss from his place at the stove and Arthur blushed.

"Yea well apparently she made out with some chick during her song."

"Which one? The Party in the USA shit?"

"No… 'Can't Be Tamed'."

"Sounds slutty," Francis remarked.

"Sounds like her," Gilbert agreed.

"Oddly reminds me of Alfred's revolutionary days," Arthur mused. "I wouldn't be surprised if the boy's got a crush on her… he always did have bad taste."

"Which he probably got from eating your cooking for at least 19 years," Gilbert teased. Opening Gmail, Gilbert noticed he had two new emails.

"What're you looking at?" Arthur asked curiously.

"Just celebrity news from Alfredland – me and Matthew have this ongoing gag where we make fun of Alfred and all his celebrities."

"I still don't get how the two of you manage to be friends… Matthew's always been the smart one."

"Shocker – didn't think you noticed the kid."

"I did so notice him!"

"No you didn't."

"Ok I'm stopping this fight before it starts," Francis said, setting food on the table, feeling oddly like a mother. He really was a sacrificial lover.

"Thank you Francis," Arthur said, glaring at the Prussian intruder. Francis pulled his lover into his lap, ignoring the Brit's cry of shock and enveloping him in a loving hug. This was Gilbert's cue to start ignoring them.

_Dear Awesome,_

_I want to thank you for the advice you gave me. I'm almost sure he didn't understand what I was trying to say but it makes me feel like I can move on like you said. Once again, thank you, I hope I can return the __favour__ someday._

_Ukraine_

Gilbert grinned when he read this. Katyusha was such a nice girl. If she were a bit bolder maybe Gilbert would find her sexy enough for himself. But oh well.

_Hey Katy,_

_Good to hear that – have fun with the UK brothers k? But not too much fun, they're pretty alright guys and the last thing we need is your brother massacring them. _

_~Awesome_

As Gilbert pressed 'send' he noticed another email.

_Hey Awesome... My brother's pedo-ness is starting to scare me. Well it has for a while now but I'm getting the idea that he's gonna start hitting on Switzerland's little sister, what's-her-name. Vash'll probably kill him for this even if he can't find his gun. Should I do something?_

_xoxChocolate3_

Definitely about Netherlands. Must be from Belgium. Poor chick – must suck having a pedophile for an older brother.

Now… for the perfect advice. Gilbert toyed with the idea of letting Netherlands go out with little Heidi and then calling Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator go and bust him… nah, to risky. Last thing he needed was for Netherlands to come out on bail and hunt him down. No, he had a better idea.

First, a quick email.

_Hey RisingSun,_

_Just a question – where did you hide Switzerland's guns?_

_~Awesome_

The reply came almost a minute later.

_Dear Awesome Advice-san, _

_I hid them in Austria-san's house because I knew Switzerland-san wouldn't find them there._

_Most Sincerely, _

_RisingSun_

Crap. This was going to be difficult. Time for another email.

_Hey Confused Wife,_

_Remember me? You came to me for help about your husband – how's that going by the way? _

_Anyways, I need _your_ help now. A friend happened to stash Switzerland's guns at your house. If you could find them and give them back I'll email you pictures of France and England making out in a kitchen. How about it?_

_-Awesome_

Like Japan, the reply became soon after.

_Dear Awesome,_

_You've got yourself a deal._

Gilbert grinned deviously, going back to Belgium's email.

_Dear xoxChocolate3, _

_Don't sweat it; let your brother have his fun. He'll learn his lesson the hard way. Don't worry your pretty little head about it. Besides, it's not like Vash has his guns with him._

_Peace out,_

_Awesome_

Ok, time to email Elizaveta her pictures. Gilbert wondered if Francis and Arthur would notice if he started taking pictures of them making out with his webcam.

"Hey Arthur – I actually kinda like your cooking." No response.

"Hey Francis can I join in for a threesome?" No response.

"SOMETHING IS BURNING. CALL 911." No response. Ok, obviously they wouldn't notice if he took some pictures of them.

Turning his webcam on, Gilbert turned around his webcam and snapped a few pictures. Would 7 be enough? Whatever, the sooner he emailed them to Elizaveta and deleted all evidence from his laptop, the better.

_Hey CW, _

_Here are your pictures. You better keep your part of the deal._

_~Awesome_

Gilbert attached the pictures onto the email. His reply came a few minutes later.

_DEAR AWESOME ADVICE, _

_THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUU! And don't worry, I'll be going to Vash's house in a few minutes ;D_

_Sincerely, _

_Elizaveta H._

Gilbert grinned. Knowing Elizaveta and her obsessive Boys Love fetish, she wouldn't back down from her end of the deal. Sometimes Gilbert was just so amazingly _ingenious._

_To Mr. Self-Proclaimed Awesome, _

_I have a problem I need to solve as soon as possible. For some reason, I lost all my guns, which I consider as my most valuable thing after money. I'm almost certain that someone stole them; someone who is pretty high-tech and have a background of either spying or assassination considering all the safety systems I placed on my weaponry store. I have some suspects in mind, but unfortunately no proof...yet. What should I do to find out the culprit and make that person eat my bullet?_

_From: SaveMoney!_

Gilbert snorted.

_Dear SaveMoney [have you realized how much like Austria you are?],_

_No worries, I have arranged for someone to give you back your guns. But a paranoid, trigger-happy man like you wouldn't be just pleased with that, am I right? You'd still like to find out who stole them in the first place! You should ask someone to help you with this. Ask someone intelligent and ruthless to assist you – like Japan! Japan would totally be willing to help you. _

_Hope you figure out who stole your precious guns, _

_Awesome_

_P.S. I think Netherlands is hitting on your sister. You should stop him – that pervert!_

Gilbert pressed send with a content sigh, closing his laptop and putting it aside. Taking as much as he could of the cold breakfast, he walked out of the kitchen, past Francis and Arthur [who looked like they were eating off each other's faces] and into the living room, knowing fully well that Arthur would freak out if he spilled food on the carpet. Thankfully, because Arthur was currently occupied with Francis, Gilbert didn't have to worry about that [not that he did, anyways].

His cell phone rang, making Gilbert jump in surprise [not that he was _scared_ or anything – he wasn't a pussy].

"Yea?" Gilbert said into the phone, mouth full of food.

"_Bruder,_ why are Blackie, Berlitz, and Aster barring me from our house?"

"Oh right. Feliciano's planning to surprise you with a house makeover so he and Feliks trained the dogs to not let us in. It's supposed to be a surprise for you, but I don't really care."

"… _Feliks_? Why is he there?"

"Feliciano asked him to help. I told them that as long as they kept my room as manly and awesome as possible they'd be able to do whatever to your room."

"_What_?" Gilbert could hear his brother sigh. "Where am I supposed to stay, now that I've been kicked out of my own home?"

"I dunno, how about with Hungary and her pussy husband?"

"… It seems like you do not remember what happened the last time I stayed at their house."

"No I remember. She threatened to beat you to death with her frying pan unless you had sex with 'Roddy darling'."

"Then why are you suggesting I stay there?"

"Because hearing about what happened was funny as shit."

Ludwig sighed again. "I don't know why I bother talking to you, Gilbert. I'm going to go now."

"Where are you gonna stay then?"

"Austria and Hungary's."

"Have fun with Austria."

"Don't even start."

"Too late."

"I'm hanging up now."

"I get it – you want more time with 'ickle Roddykins'."

Gilbert heard the dial tone as his brother hung up, cackling evilly. During his cackling however, a bit of his food ended up spilling onto the carpet. Whoops. England wouldn't be too pleased about that.

"Hey Artie I spilled some food on your carpet!" no response. Gilbert smirked, shoving some food into his mouth and flicking on the TV. He could get used to Arthur dating Francis.

"Hello England," Hungary said sweetly to him at the next world conference. England nodded, confused.

"Hullo Hungary," he said politely [as a gentleman like him should] albeit quite confused. England and Hungary weren't very close friends and rarely interacted. England wondered what could possibly be the reason behind Hungary's sudden friendliness.

"You have a nice weekend?" she asked innocently. England cleared his throat, blushing ever so slightly.

"Err yes I did, thank you for asking." As Hungary laughed and walked away, England couldn't help but feel extremely confused.

"Hey Artie! Did ya see Miley on your TV show?" a rather obnoxious voice said behind the Brit. England sighed, turning around.

"No America I did not. And didn't I tell you not to call me that anymore?" Arthur said to the younger [yet taller] man.

"Too bad Artie – were you too busy making kissy faces at Francis to watch?" Alfred teased. Arthur felt the beginnings of a headache coming. Behind the American, Matthew stood, giving his former father figure a sympathetic look.

"No I wasn't. I just refused to watch her on TV," Arthur replied, sitting down. Alfred looked put-out for a second before brightening up.

"You should've seen it! It was amazing!" Alfred insisted, sitting down beside the Englishman [much to his horror].

"Yea it was!" Matthew added mockingly, sitting on the other side of Arthur. "It was so good, even _I_ wanted her to have a _party in the USA_!" he said, snickering. Alfred glared at his brother.

"You promised you wouldn't bring that up again!" he warned. Matthew shrugged innocently. Between them, Arthur sat confused. Kids these days… old folk like Arthur just couldn't figure them out.

Meanwhile Gilbert was having fun. "So Roddy, how's West living with you suiting you?" Gilbert asked amicably, throwing an arm around the uptight Austrian.

Gilbert snickered as the man blushed ever so slightly. "It has been… good. He is a rather polite and gracious guest – unlike a certain older brother of his – and he and Elizaveta are getting along rather well."

"I'm sure they are," Gilbert said, winking. Roderich's blush deepened as he glared at the Prussian.

"Hands off my husband, loser," a voice growled behind him. Gilbert rolled his eyes, spinning around to see Elizaveta glaring at him.

"Lizzie I'm shocked! How could you say such a thing so _me_ of all people! After all we've been through together!" Gilbert said dramatically. "I was only asking your darling husband how good Ludwig is… as a guest," he added wickedly.

Elizaveta's eyes gleamed. "He's… he's a _wonderful_ guest. I honestly don't know what happened to you," she shot at him.

"Hey I taught him all that he knows," Gilbert said airily. "But you two are boring – I'm going to go talk to interesting people now."

"Good riddance!" Elizaveta called out as Gilbert sauntered away. "That man – no, _boy_ – just gets on my nerves _so_ much!" she fumed at her husband.

"He seems to have figured out about what you made Ludwig and I do," Roderich said calmly. How Roderich would be able to keep such a blank face while saying that is a mystery that may never be solved.

Elizaveta giggled. "Maybe he'd be willing to join in then," she teased. Roderich blanched.

"Good God, Ludwig is bad enough. If you add that _barbarian_ in…"

"Relax sweetheart, even _I_ wouldn't stoop so low," she said, leaning and kissing her husband sweetly on his lips. "I love you too much to do that."

"Ow bastard, get off me!" Lovino cried out, pushing Antonio away. Antonio gaped at him before swooping down again.

"But you're so _cute_," Antonio proclaimed, nuzzling against his lover's shoulder. Gilbert rolled his eyes at the pair.

"Hey Antonio – little shit," Gilbert greeted, walking over to them. Lovino gave him a look of death.

"Go away you bastard!" Lovino exclaimed.

"Aww Lovi don't be so mean to Gilbert~" Antonio said, not even noticing how much the Italian was struggling against him.

"Shut up you asshole!" Lovino growled at him. Gilbert stared at the little Italian man in surprise.

"What the hell's wrong with you? You're finally dating Antonio and the guy's liked you since…"

"Since he was 4!" Antonio chirped happily, nuzzling into Lovino's shoulder lovingly. Gilbert froze.

"Wait _what_? You liked him when he was a little _kid_?" Jesus, everyone seemed to be a pedophile nowadays! Gilbert shivered. Thank God he wasn't in love – it didn't make him go all crazy and stuff.

"What's wrong with that?" Antonio asked innocently. Gilbert rolled his eyes. There was no point in explaining to the Spaniard. He decided to just leave the odd lovebirds alone and find someone else to talk to.

"Oh my gosh Gilbert! Like I totally love your top – it's so _in_," a voice said from another point in the room. Gilbert didn't even have to turn to know who that was.

"You really think so?" Gilbert asked walking up to Poland. Feliks rolled his eyes and placed a hand on his waist, which was confined in rather tight leather pants. Gilbert wondered when Feliks would stop dressing in such an odd manner.

"Yes! Like where did you get it? I totes want something like that!" Feliks gushed. Gilbert made a mental note to burn the shirt he was wearing at a later time. Gilbert shrugged.

"Aren't you uncomfortable?" Gilbert blurted out. Feliks looked like he could barely move before bursting. It was a horror.

Feliks glanced around and saw that Alfred was in deep conversation with his brother and Arthur. "_Duh_!" Feliks exclaimed. "This is like, _so_ not my style! I'm going crazy! But like, I don't want to offend Al, ya know? He really was into this and like it's not my style to refuse a friend's suggestions."

"I doubt Alfred cares anymore. He's too preoccupied with other stuff," Gilbert said. Indeed it was true; ever since the faithful day Poland had sauntered in adorned in his new fashion, America hadn't really talked to the Pole as much, preoccupied with harassing England and with his own political problems. Feliks made a face.

"Are you serious? Gosh, this feels like so worthless now!" Feliks exclaimed. "I'm gonna go change into something more comfortable before I go crazy!"

"You brought clothes to change into?" Gilbert was sceptical.

"No of course not – even I'm not that weird. But like, I have my ways. I _will_ be coming back in my normal clothes – just you wait." And with that, Feliks walked away. Gilbert shook his head. It was always weird talking to Feliks. The two used to be roommates for a while after the Second World War – that is, until Gilbert went crazy and decided to move back into his brother's house. Speaking of which, Gilbert wondered what Feliks and Feliciano were doing to his and West's house. Gilbert prayed to God it wasn't a total travesty [he remembered what his room in Poland looked like].

In the meantime, as Gilbert attempted to find someone to talk to [awesome people like Gilbert shouldn't be alone – it'd ruin their cred], Switzerland approached Japan with a mission in mind.

"Hello Japan," Switzerland said, making the Asian nation jump. Ever since he and Liechtenstein banded together and hid Switzerland's guns, Japan had been on edge, worrying about the day when Switzerland would find out it was his doing and shoot him to death.

"H-h-hello S-Switzerland-san," Japan said shakily. "I-is anything the matter?"

"I need your help."

"Y-yes?"

"You know how my guns were stolen from me mercilessly by a cunning, cruel possible spy?"

"Y-ye-yes…"

"I would you to help me find out who it is."

Japan turned a sickly green. "Switzerland-san, m-maybe you can find s-someone else t-to help you… I am not feeling well."

"But with your intelligence and technological background we'd be sure to find the culprit and make them pay for ever daring to steal my guns!"

"P-perhaps you can ask Liechtenstein-chan." Liechtenstein was much better at this lying business than he was. She'd know how to fool her brother.

Switzerland let out a sigh of frustration. "I do not even know where my sister is!" he exclaimed. Japan looked around.

"I see her, Switzerland-san. She is with Netherlands-san."

His darling sister? With that... that _pedophile_? Switzerland let out a roar. "That MONSTER! How _dare_ he!" he yelled, pulling out a gun.

"Where did you get that gun Switzerland-san?" Japan exclaimed in horror.

"Someone dropped my guns off at my house," Switzerland replied, aiming for Netherlands.

"No Switzerland-san, don't shoot him!" Japan exclaimed, trying to pry the gun from Switzerland's hands.

"I must! Or he will get his filthy hands on my sister – I will not stand for it!" Switzerland said, pulling the trigger.

"… and end of story, I think your brother's chocolate is delicious but I can't ask him myself or else my sister'll get jealous," Netherlands seriously. Liechtenstein nodded.

"I can get you some of his chocolate easily," she said, smiling. Netherlands grinned. As young as she was, Liechtenstein was very cute. Liechtenstein blushed at his grin. Netherlands was rather attractive… Liechtenstein refrained from giggling like a shy schoolgirl in a Japanese manga. Suddenly, something flew past the Dutchman's ear.

CRASH.

"What was that?" Netherlands asked, glancing past Liechtenstein's shoulder at the broken window. Liechtenstein however, looked past Netherlands and saw her brother holding a gun and Japan desperately trying to convince him to let go of it.

"Oh no," she whispered in horror.

"Switzerland-san, please listen to logic!" Japan pleaded as Switzerland stomped closer to Netherlands for a better aimed, being dragged by the Swiss man.

"I will only when he gets away from my sister!" Switzerland growled. This was Liechtenstein's cue to innocently run up to her brother.

"Brother, guess what? Netherlands and I were just talking about your chocolate! He said he had never tried any because his sister only let him eat Belgian chocolate and really wanted to try yours because he heard it was really good! Isn't that nice of him to say that, brother?" Liechtenstein said, her turquoise eyes wide. Of course, that wasn't the entire truth, but Switzerland didn't need to know that. Switzerland faltered, blushing.

"That – that is nice of him," Switzerland admitted, feeling slightly ashamed. His sister had the ability to make him feel absolutely guilty of the things he did.

"Switzerland-san, you can put the gun down," Japan said quietly. Switzerland did as told, sighing in slight disappointment. He had _so_ wanted to shoot something ever since he got his guns back. But oh well. C'est la vie. Perhaps Italy will decide to go streaking past Switzerland that night and he can shoot something _finally_.

"At least now we have more time before the meeting starts to find out who stole my guns!" Switzerland said, brightening up. Liechtenstein and Japan exchanged a silent look of horror.

"Will the meeting begin?" Germany called out, silencing the room. "Everyone please take their seats so we can start."

Prussia walked to his seat, slightly annoyed – he had been hoping for an epic gun fight only seen in the Call of Duty games he played with Peter whenever Arthur wasn't in room, ready to criticize his every move ["Really Gilbert? You'd move there? Now I can see why you aren't a nation anymore."]. Sitting beside his brother Prussia found himself sitting across from Netherlands who oddly smirked at him. More annoyed than ever Prussia glared at the other nation before turning to uncharacteristically pay attention to the presentation.

But of course, after a while Gilbert's mind wandered and he thought back to LF. It had been a few weeks since his secret admirer had emailed him for help – had he scared the poor guy off? That would suck. Gilbert sighed. If LF wasn't going to help him find out who they were, he'd just have to do some more detective work. But like all great detectives he was going to need an assistant to help him.

And he knew just the person to ask.

* * *

**A/N: Yes! I managed to finish another chapter! *dances around happily* **

**Heh just a few things: the Miley thing... uh yea. I was writing that part while reading [hopelessly addicted to celebrity news] and just felt like adding that in. **

**"I get it – you want more time with '_ickle Roddykins_'." If anyone can guess where I got 'ickle roddykins' from, I might just let you request a one-shot for me to write :D [hint - it's from a book and the roddykins is replaced with another name]**

**Yeah, what Matthew and Alfred are talking about - I was originally gonna put their dialogue into the story but it got too long so I posted it here as a one-shot - if you wanna know what they're talking about, just read "No Alfred, Miley Cyrus Will Never Be Better" by me, PrussianAwesomeness.**

**About Gilbert and Feliks - I'm so tempted to write about their rooming experiences for the 100 themes challenge just because the thought of Feliks slowly driving Gilbert insane is hilarious. So, if you think I should, tell me! :D**

**Heh Netherlands/Liechtenstein is cuter than I expected. Oh and just a note - during Switzerland and Japan's dialogue I used their country names instead of their personal names because I thought both men would be more formal and polite to each other and hence refer to each other by their nation name. **

**Aha, mini survey time! Which chocolate do you prefer more, Belgian, Swiss, or other [specify for other]. Send me your answers through reviews! Ima see if anonymous views are enabled so even if you don't have a FF account you can still review/take part in survey. **

**Phew, long A/N is long. Oh and just in case it seems like I've forgotten this story in the following week - don't worry. My exams start Friday so I'll be busy studying and stuff [or trying to study anyways bwahaha.]**

**Love you all for reviewing, story alerting, and favouriting! **

**Reviews make Alfred sing "Can't Be Tamed" in the Miley-Bird costume. [isn't that just the loveliest image ever?]**


	9. In Which Gilbert and I Have Bad Ideas

"You're still here aren't you?" England growled, pushing past Prussia to enter the washroom.

Prussia looked absolutely offended. "Of course I am! I have no where else to go until -" SLAM. Gilbert rolled his eyes. Obviously Arthur didn't care enough to stop and listen.

As he walked back to his room [well, it was Alfred's old room back when he used to live with Arthur] he wondered when Feliciano and Feliks would be done redecorating his and Ludwig's house. It had been at least two months since Gilbert had retreated to England in search of a place to say and frankly, two months was long enough. Arthur and Gilbert were clashing and Francis seemed to have a permanent headache.

"Arthur's going to throw a fit if you don't dry up – you're creating a wet spot all over the carpet," a voice said behind the Prussian, making him turn around and tie his towel tighter around his waist. Of course, now that Francis was with Arthur, Gilbert shouldn't worry as much about being raped but… Francis_ was_ Francis and some habits die hard…

"Oh sorry, I didn't realize I was," Gilbert said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. True, he _was_ dripping soapy water onto the carpet but as if he cared.

"You're awfully grumpy, _mon ami_," Francis remarked, leaning against the wall opposite to Gilbert, giving him an appraising look.

"Wouldn't you be? I mean, all my fucking friends are in a happy fucking relationship and here _I_ am, blocked out of my own home by 3 dogs, a hyperactive Italian and a cross-dressing Pole, forced to mooch off my friends as a means to survive. _And_ while this is all happening, my little brother's probably being forced to fuck a crazy Hungarian's husband!" Gilbert exclaimed. Francis chuckled.

"And you said _I_ was the melodramatic one," he said through chuckles. Gilbert glared at him.

"I shouldn't have expected _you_ of all people to care. You're too busy caught up in 'l'amour' or whatever the fuck it's called," Gilbert grumbled, turning around and walking into his room and closing the door behind him, taking his towel off and searching for something to wear, stark naked.

"That is because _mon cher ami,_ you have no fallen in love yet!" Francis protested from the other side of the door. Gilbert rolled his eyes as he pulled on a pair of clean boxers [white with yellow chicks].

"And, oh intelligent one, why is love so important?" Gilbert taunted as he pulled on a pair of jeans, chuckling to himself as he heard Francis's gasp of utter horror from the other side.

"Because love is what makes the world go around!" Francis said dramatically. "Love is the air we breathe, the sunlight hitting our eyelids at the break of dawn, the cool air rushing past-"

"Cut the poetic crap Francis," Gilbert said, opening the door while pulling on a shirt [sounds hard, is surprisingly easy… for Gilbert anyways]. "D'you know where Arthur keeps the real food? I'm starving," he said, pushing past his friend to walk to the kitchen.

"But really Gilbert, if you were in love you wouldn't be so bitter anymore," Francis pleaded, following his friend. Francis couldn't believe his own best friend could hate love so much!

"As if anyone would fall in love with me," Gilbert replied, snorting. Francis sighed. Sometimes, dealing with Gilbert Beilschmidt [former Kingdom of Prussia] was an awful lot like dealing with a teenaged girl. A teenaged girl with hormone problems and a lack of self-confidence. Or in other words, Arthur as a child.

"Hey you!" a rather obnoxious voice said at the kitchen table. Gilbert groaned, ignoring the speaker and walking to the cupboard. "Hey! Notice me!"

"No," Gilbert grumbled, reaching for a box of cookies but instead finding a box of scones. Francis rolled his eyes.

"_Bonjour_ Peter," Francis said, mussing up the boy's hair before walking towards the stove. Peter made a face.

"It's not Peter – it's the awesome nation Sealand!" Peter chirped, striking a pose. Gilbert rolled his eyes. How Arthur managed to deal with the kid was beyond him.

"Why are you here anyways?" Gilbert asked, sitting across the young boy at the table.

Peter frowned. "Daddy and Mama had to go to a meeting and didn't want to leave me alone at home."

"Daddy and _Mama_…?" Gilbert asked, confused. He took a bite of one of the scones and gagged. Obviously Arthur had made them.

"Finland-Mama!" Peter said, annoyed that Gilbert didn't know who he was referring to.

"You do realize that Finland's a dude right?" Gilbert asked, wiping his tongue to rid it of the scone's awful taste. Peter shrugged.

"He's my mama!" Peter said. Gilbert chuckled in spite of himself. Poor Finland. Must suck to be thought of as a woman.

"Oh. It's you," Arthur stated as he walked into the kitchen, pushing Gilbert away from the trashcan and grabbing the scones he had made earlier out of Gilbert's hands.

"Jerk England!" Peter exclaimed. Arthur rolled his eyes; he seemed to be used to Peter's antics.

"How long are you going to be staying here again?" Arthur asked. Peter stopped sticking his tongue out at Arthur to think.

"Papa said I'll be staying here until the meeting's over!" Peter replied. "I want to watch Power Rangers!"

"Go ahead – I'm not stopping you," Arthur grumbled, pouring himself some tea. Peter pouted before running off to the living room. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"So Eyebrows – what's the plan for today?" Gilbert asked. Arthur gave him a death glare. Gilbert ignored him.

"Helping you pack," Arthur replied before sipping a bit of his tea.

"Pack for what?"

"Pack to go home."

"Feliks and Feliciano aren't done redecorating the house yet!" Gilbert protested.

"I don't care. Francis and I haven't had anytime for ourselves ever since you've gotten here. Go stay with Antonio – I'm sure he wouldn't care," Arthur replied.

"This is a total betrayal of our friendship – Francis? What do you have to say about this?" Gilbert shot at his best friend. He saw Francis visibly stiffen before turning around.

"_Mon ami_ Arthur _does_ have a point…" Francis said, trying to say it as kindly as possible. Gilbert couldn't believe it – Francis too!

"Whatever," Gilbert said shrugging, taking both Arthur and Francis by surprise. "I'll go stay with Matthew or something."

Arthur spit out his tea in surprise. "W-what? No you're not going to Canada – I don't want to hear about you corrupting Matthew!" Arthur exclaimed. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Oh gee Arthur this is probably the first time you've actually cared about Matthew isn't it?" Gilbert shot at Arthur. Gilbert still had trouble wrapping his head around the idea that people usually forgot about Canada. He never had any trouble remembering who Canada was – why did everyone else? Arthur shot daggers at him with his eyes.

"I've always cared for Matthew!" Arthur shouted, slamming his hands on the table. "I'm sick and tired of you always accusing me of not caring!"

"… Is this a bad time?" a voice said meekly at the entrance to the kitchen. The men turned to see a red faced Matthew standing at the door, his white polar bear pawing at his feet. Gilbert grinned.

"Not at all Mattie!" Gilbert said jovially, walking up to the younger man and throwing an arm around his shoulders. "We were just debating in a polite manner on whether or not I should stay with you since Arthur wants time alone with Francis so they can fuck in peace and not worry about me hearing Arthur's screams-"

"Gilbert, Peter's in the other room!" Arthur hissed, interrupting what could've been a very graphic description of what he sounded like in bed [complete with sound effects]. "Have some discretion!"

"Like Peter hasn't heard his_ mama_ and papa getting it on," Gilbert teased. Arthur turned an almost purple colour. Francis made this his cue to put his arms around Arthur's waist and murmur comforting words to the Brit. "_So_ Mattie," Gilbert said, turning to the Canadian who was staring at the scene with confusion, "how about I stay with you?"

"What?" Matthew said in perplexity.

"Can I stay with you? You're probably the only friend I have that's not in a stupid relationship," Gilbert grumbled. Matthew laughed.

"Well you never know, I _might_ just be in a relationship…" Matthew teased. Arthur's head shot up.

"IF IT'S WITH THAT AMERICAN I SWEAR TO GOD MATTHEW WILLIAMS I WILL DIE," Arthur shouted from his place in Francis's arms. Francis sighed and continued to stroke Arthur's hair.

"If it's with that American I swear to God Matthew Williams I will personally high-5ing you for accomplishing what I've been trying to do for the past century – make Arthur commit suicide in utter horror," Gilbert said laughing.

Arthur opened his mouth to protest but found nothing but a raspy sound come out. Everyone stared at him.

"_Cher_ I think you lost your voice," Francis said finally. Arthur looked horrified, clutching at his throat, attempting to make his voice come back. "Arthur you'll hurt your voice even more if you keep doing that!" Francis exclaimed. "Sit. I'll make you tea with honey," he commanded, pushing Arthur into a seat and ignoring the smirks from Gilbert and Matthew [but mainly Gilbert].

Arthur glared at Matthew unblinkingly, who blushed. "Don't worry Arthur," Matthew said, "I'd never be in a relationship with _Alfred_ – he's my brother!" Arthur shrugged, looking intensely relieved.

"So what about me staying with you?" Gilbert asked. From the corner of Matthew's eye he could see Arthur shaking his head furiously. Matthew hid a smirk.

"Sure," Matthew said, "if you can tolerate staying with China and South Korea – they're at my house right now – they stay over every year."

Gilbert paused. China and South Korea? Meh, compared to England and France they were complete saints. He could deal with South Korea's breast claiming. At least now he could have a variety of different food. Eating French food all the time was starting to get on Gilbert's nerves. "Sure!" Gilbert exclaimed, raising a fist up. "C'mon – you'll help me pack!" he called out as he ran off upstairs. Matthew grinned and followed.

"_Mathieu _is very good at handling Gilbert, _non_?" Francis purred as he placed a teacup in front of his boyfriend. Arthur made a face. "Yes, it's probably because he has to deal with Alfred all the time," Francis agreed as Arthur took a sip of tea. "I rather like it when you're quiet," Francis said coyly, grinning wickedly as Arthur gave him a suspicious look. "Although," he added, getting up from his chair and slinking towards Arthur, "I like hearing you scream," he whispered into Arthur's ear.

"Where were you?" Matthew asked as Gilbert ran into his room. Gilbert shrugged, pushing the bottle he stole further into his back pocket.

"Oh you know, just saying goodbye by drawing on Arthur's bedroom wall," Gilbert said. That wasn't exactly a lie either – as he grabbed the bottle from Arthur's secret hiding spot he decided to leave a 'thanks-for-letting-me-stay-here-and-then-kicking-me-out-you-ass' note on the wall. Gilbert knew Francis would like the rather graphic picture. Gilbert hoped that Peter would find it. Imagining Arthur getting an angry phone call from a certain Swede and his Finnish husband [wife?] inquiring about why Peter was suddenly very traumatized, Gilbert kinda wished he could be there to see Arthur's expression.

Matthew rolled his eyes. It was amusing to the Canadian how much his friend was like his brother, despite the fact the former always complained about how annoying the latter was. "Whatever – let's just finish packing so I can catch my flight on time." Matthew grinned. "I was actually kinda hoping to spend some time with France and England but..."

"Oh well who cares about that? You saw them a week ago for that G8 summit or whatever" Gilbert interjected, tossing his clothes into his suitcase. "Besides, the two of us are gonna be busy," he added, pausing in his whirlwind packing to pat a twittering Gilbird on the head and carefully place him back in his cage.

"Busy with what?" Matthew said suspiciously, reaching down and picking up Kumajiro, who had been pawing at his shoelaces.

"Who are you?" Kumajiro asked in confusion.

"I'm Canada!" Matthew said in exasperation.

"Oh you know… just doing detective work," Gilbert said cryptically, attempting to close his suitcase.

"You should probably fold everything so it all fits in better," Matthew suggested, rolling his eyes as Gilbert ignored him. "And what do you mean… detective work?" he added in confusion.

Gilbert paused in his losing battle against his suitcase to give Matthew a look. "What I'm about to tell you now is confidential, classified information and you must _never_ speak this to anyone – especially not your bratty brother." Gilbert waited for Matthew's response.

Matthew gave him a rather incredulous look. "Sure… I promise not to tell anyone – especially Alfred," he said. Matthew waited for Gilbert to continue.

Gilbert took a deep breath in. "Ok. So I found out from… _Elizaveta_ that one of the countries seems to have a crush on the awesome me!" Gilbert said, striking a heroic pose [not unlike the one Alfred usually made]. Matthew's right eyebrow rose in amusement.

"Oh really?" Matthew asked, putting Kumajiro down and prying the overflowing suitcase from Gilbert's hands and set about folding the clothes into neat piles. Living with the uptight Arthur and the classy, elegant Francis taught Matthew how to fold clothes to make them fit into any small space. Gilbert gave Matthew a thankful grin.

"Yea! But the thing is… she won't tell me who it is! All I know is that it's a guy; he gave me maple syrup_ and_ a stuffed chick. It's up to us to figure out who it is!" Gilbert proclaimed.

"Hey is that why you asked me who asked me for a list of countries who asked me for my maple syrup a few months ago?" Matthew asked in realization.

"Bingo," Gilbert said. "So I've got it down to Netherlands and America because they've been talking to me a bit _too_ much lately," he said, feeling proud of himself for coming to such a conclusion. Matthew burst out laughing.

"Netherlands and my _brother_?" Matthew said through chuckles. "Why them?"

"Well because you said they asked you for some maple syrup and because they've been having random conversations with me and it's unlike them!" Gilbert said, pouting because Matthew was still laughing. He thought he had been rather ingenious when he figured out it could be the either one of them. Matthew's reaction was making him believe else-wise.

"Well you know I just told you the countries who had recently asked me for maple syrup – I do send maple syrup to other countries. What if your secret admirer is a country who already had maple syrup?" Matthew asked. Damn, the Canadian had a point. Gilbert frowned. He had never thought of that before.

"Who else do you send it out to?" Gilbert asked. Matthew stopped halfway in his folding to think.

"Well I've sent some to Belgium, Netherlands, Cuba, America, England, France, Hungary, Norway, Iceland, Sweden and Finland, Russia, Ukraine, and Australia," Canada listed. Prussia groaned – now there were even_ more_ countries he had to investigate!

"Well Norway, England, France, Hungary, Belgium, Sweden and Finland and Ukraine are out," Gilbert stated, pushing Matthew out of the way to close his suitcase. Matthew looked confused as they left the bedroom.

"Why is Ukraine out?" he asked. Gilbert walked down the stairs.

"Because she likes… uh. She likes Arthur's brothers – that's why! I mean, you always see her with them nowadays right?" Gilbert stammered. Since Matthew was still hopelessly clueless of Katyusha's crush on him, Gilbert decided he wouldn't be the one to tell him of it.

"Oh ok," Matthew said thoughtfully, trailing behind Gilbert.

"Hey Artie we're gonna-" Seeing that Arthur was _very_ occupied by Francis at the moment, Gilbert decided to back away and run off before his eyes could get further burnt.

"Why are you running?" Matthew asked, still not having entered the kitchen.

"Just a suggestion Matt – don't go into the kitchen," Gilbert said, walking towards the door.

"Why… oh," Matthew said, looking into the kitchen and spying both his fathers doing… things. Paling, Matthew turned away and followed Gilbert towards the door.

* * *

"AIYAH YONG SOO MY BREASTS ARE NOT YOURS ARU!" China howled from downstairs.

"BUT ANIKIII~~" South Korea protested.

Prussia groaned. "How do you cope with this?" he asked Canada, who was happily humming a tune under his breath while brushing Kumajiro. Nearby, his phone began to ring. Canada let it go to the answering machine and a furious Cuba [assuming he was calling America and not Canada]'s voice could be heard, yelling at America for doing something that Prussia was sure had been very stupid.

"They've been like this ever since I opened up my borders to Asia. Besides, it was worse a week ago during the G8 and G20 summit – I had at least 26 countries at my house," Matthew said absently, picking up Kumajiro and placing him on his bed, patting him on the head before setting off downstairs. Bored, Gilbert followed.

"Where's Yao?" Matthew asked Yong Soo, who was watching what looked like a Korean soap opera. Yong Soo shrugged.

"He said something about wanting fresh air and left. Fresh air originated from Korea!" he added, raising his arms in the air. Matthew grinned, sitting beside his friend.

"I'm sure it was," Matthew replied. Gilbert had to hand it to his younger friend – Matthew was good at handling the crazy types. The kid was_ raised_ by Francis and Arthur, lived next door to Alfred, played hockey with Ivan and had to deal with Yong Soo and Yao on a yearly basis. He was practically a saint!

"So what are we going to do today?" Yong Soo asked curiously. Being only at least 15 and not very reliable, Matthew and Gilbert had to drag him around with them whenever they went out somewhere. Of course, because Yong Soo was barely legal age that meant they couldn't go drinking – but they still managed to have fun in other ways.

"Alfred invited me to his birthday party," Matthew replied, flicking through channels.

"Oh right your birthday was two days ago – did you get my present?" Gilbert asked. Matthew blushed.

"Were the condoms really necessary?" Matthew stammered and Gilbert burst out laughing. "But thanks… I guess."

"Condoms originated in Korea!" Yong Soo exclaimed before realizing what he just said. Blushing a deep red he stammered, "I-I mean…"

"We get it," Gilbert said, amused. As annoying as the teen could be, he was always very amusing.

"So are we going to the party?" Yong Soo asked casually, attempting to forget about what he said a few seconds before.

"Of course!" Gilbert interjected before Matthew could say anything. America was one of his primary suspects! This was the perfect opportunity to find out whether or not he was Loveless Friend!

Matthew gave him an incredulous look. "Really?" he asked. Gilbert nodded.

"Will Aniki come?" Yong Soo asked curiously.

"He was probably invited," Gilbert said casually. "Hey you guys want anything to drink?" he asked suddenly. Matthew's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Why?" he asked.

"No reason – I'm just thirsty and it's common courtesy to ask your companions for a drink when you're going to get what for yourself," Gilbert said innocently. "My brother drilled that into me one too many times."

"Sure then, I'll have coffee," Matthew replied.

"And you Yong Soo?"

"Water."

"Alright." Gilbert walked into the kitchen. Truth be told, he wasn't thirsty – he just wanted a reason to make Matthew drink the potion Gilbert stole from Arthur's secret hiding place. Making a quick cup of coffee Gilbert poured a drop of the potion [that's how much the label said to put] into it before mixing it and getting a glass of water for Yong Soo.

"Thanks," Matthew said absently, watching the news and taking a sip. Gilbert handed Yong Soo his cup of water, watching Matthew intently. Matthew looked up. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing," Gilbert said smirking. Matthew didn't seem to realize his eyelashes were growing, or that his wavy blonde hair was growing past his shoulders and that he was growing a certain body organ.

"Why do I feel so weird…?" Matthew muttered. Yong Soo gasped.

"Matthew! You have breasts!" Yong Soo exclaimed, throwing his arms around Matthew. Matthew looked down and screamed.

"What the hell is going on?" he – or rather, _she_ screamed. Gilbert burst out laughing. Matthew looked up at glared at Gilbert. "You," (s)he hissed.

"You know, when you're mad you act an awful lot like Arthur," Gilbert remarked casually.

"Why is Matthew a girl?" Yong Soo asked suddenly as Matthew pushed him off of… her.

"I'd like to know that too," Matthew said, his voice suddenly feminine.

"Well I figured since we need to investigate Alfred to see if he's my secret admirer we'd need a disguise and since I'm too awesome to hide I figured…"

"You figured you could turn me into a _girl_?"

"Well, yea. See I would've gotten Arthur or Francis to do it, but they kicked me out of their house so it was up to you."

"And you couldn't have done this yourself?"

"And hide my awesomeness?" Gilbert said in mock-horror. Matthew sighed.

"What exactly do you want me to do?" Matthew asked finally. Gilbert grinned – he knew Matthew would give in eventually.

"When we get to the party your job will be to find out if America or Australia like me," Gilbert said. "Yong Soo – you'll be in charge of finding out whether Netherlands or any other country likes me," he instructed.

"Can I be a girl too?" Yong Soo asked eagerly.

"You want to be a girl?" Gilbert asked. Yong Soo nodded.

"Maybe then Aniki will like me more!" he exclaimed. Gilbert shrugged.

"Sure then," he said, pouring a drop of the potion into Yong Soo's glass, who eagerly drank the new solution.

Just then, China walked in through the door. "Canada I just came back from visiting Chinatown and -" he froze when he saw Korea.

"Look Aniki I'm a girl!" Korea exclaimed, running to China. China stared at Canada and Prussia in horror as Korea grabbed China's non-existent breasts.

"Why is Korea a girl aru?" China asked in horror. "And where is Canada?"

Canada sighed. "I think you need to sit down China before I explain…"

* * *

"You ready yet?" Matthew – or _Mattie_ as we should call her – said at the doorway. Gilbert looked up from his laptop.

"Yea, yea – I'm coming. Lemme just check my email first," Gilbert said, turning back to his computer. Mattie rolled her eyes. It was rather uncomfortable being a girl. She wasn't used to it at all. Thankfully, China helped her and Korea find proper clothes. Mattie couldn't wait for the damn day to be over. Gilbert had only put enough potion for the spell to last one day. This meant that the moment Alfred's party was over; she'd turn back into a boy. The moment _that_ happened Mattie was kicking Gilbert out before he turned her into something worse.

_Dear Awesome Advice-san,_

__

I have failed you! For some reason Switzerland-san managed to get his guns back and I witnessed him almost shooting Netherlands-san! I'm terribly ashamed, my pride as a (censored) man is shattered! Please tell me, should I perform the stomach-cutting ceremony to atone for my failure or should I tell Switzerland-san the truth and beg him to spare Liechtenstein-chan and let him shoot me to death? Or...should I just assassinate him and end the problem right away?

Yours Truly,

_RisingSun_

Gilbert felt just a _little_ guilty. Sure, he had been the one who had given back Switzerland his guns for the pure amusement of seeing Vash shoot down Netherlands but… he hadn't expected Japan to react like this.

_Hey RisingSun, _

_Before you do anything rash – stop and think. You're helping him 'find out' who stole his guns right? Just keep him off track until he cools down and you're able to tell him that you stole them. Ask Liechtenstein to help you – that girl has the ability to calm Switzerland down like nobody's business! _

_Best of luck, _

_Awesome _

Gilbert sighed, closing his laptop. There was only one email that week. Come to think of it, there had been a shortage of emails asking for his awesome advice the past few weeks. It made Gilbert kinda sad – he had fun ruining other countries' lives and besides – they still got something good out of it right?

"Canada told me to tell you to hurry aru," China said, interrupting Gilbert's thoughts. Gilbert nodded and stood up, following.

Time to start detecting!

* * *

"Happy birthday Alfred, _cher_," Francis purred to Alfred, handing a box to the American. Alfred grinned at the Frenchman.

"Thanks Francis!" he said, opening the box. Alfred blushed deeply as Francis laughed.

"You're very welcome," Francis said winking. Alfred looked around.

"Hey where's Iggy?" Alfred asked.

"Over by the punch table. He's still trying not to throw up – apparently your birthday literally makes him ill," Francis said, pointing to his lover, who was standing by the punch bowl looking rather green.

"Still silent?" Alfred inquired. He had heard about Arthur losing his voice and found it rather funny.

Francis nodded, smiling slyly. "It's been some of the quietest days I've ever had in my life," he replied. As more people approached the birthday boy, Francis slunk off to find his lover.

"Happy birthday America," Russia said, handing a package to Alfred. "I made these especially for you."

"Thanks commie!" Alfred said enthusiastically, opening the box, missing Ivan's sudden dark expression. "Heh… condoms?" he asked, holding on up.

"I had to make them specifically for you… we do not make them that small in Russia," Ivan replied.

"Thanks Ivan!" Alfred exclaimed, missing the insult. "Will I be using these soon?" he asked. Ivan smiled wickedly – a smile that normally would've scared the hell out of anyone.

"Maybe," Ivan replied before walking away. Alfred smiled to himself before putting away the present. Behind a tree lurked Natalia, who was giving Alfred a death glare.

"Happy Birthday Alfred!" Gilbert said jovially, shoving a crudely wrapped present into Alfred's arms.

"Thanks Gil!" Gilbert winced at the nickname. "Hey… who are your friends?" Alfred asked curiously. Gilbert glanced at the two girls beside him.

"Um… this is uh…" Gilbert fumbled for words.

"I'm Ontario – one of Mathew's kids. He can't be here because he's feeling kinda sick," Mattie said, extending a hand out. Gilbert blinked. He had met Ontario before and knew for a fact that Ontario was a guy. Smirking, Gilbert decided to play along.

"And I'm one of Aniki – I mean _China's_ children!" Yong Soo said beaming. Alfred nodded and opened their presents. Gilbert gave Mattie a look and together Gilbert and Yong Soo walked away. Mattie sighed. It was now or never.

"So Alfred… I've heard some stuff about you," she said innocently, sitting down. She remembered to keep her legs shut – she was so used to sitting with her legs apart, a _man_ – that she wasn't used to sitting like a girl. She had to remember now though; she was wearing a dress.

"You have?" Alfred said absently, organizing his presents.

"Yea – I heard from… my _father_ that you really like someone," Mattie said, making a mental note to make it up to Ontario when she could. When Ontario found out she had posed as him as a _girl_ well… Mattie wasn't looking forward to that.

Alfred froze. He turned to look at Mattie. "What – what do you mean? We're just friends!" Alfred said, laughing though it sounded fake to Mattie's ears. Friends? Mattie didn't think Gilbert and Alfred were friends…

"Well I heard you like him a bit more than that," Mattie said.

"Me and Ivan are just friends!" Alfred said loudly, looking around before leaning in. "Hey ok you're my brother's daughter so you're my niece and you're pretty so _please_ do me a favour and don't mention this again ok? Natalia might get you too because you know," the American said urgently.

"Wait what?You're in a relationship with _Ivan_ and you never bothered to tell me – er my father?" Mattie said incredulously. Alfred looked around nervously.

"_Yes_ and please keep this to yourself – I _really_ don't want to get killed by Belarus – that's not very heroic is it?" Alfred hissed, looking in another direction. Mattie glanced in the same direction and saw Natalia lurking by the barbeque giving them a very dangerous glare. Mattie shivered.

"I promise," she said and Alfred let out a sigh of relief. She excused herself to make way to Gilbert.

"I talked to Netherlands and he said that he didn't like anybody!" Yong Soo said cheerfully. Gilbert sighed.

"That's yet another person who isn't Loveless Friend," Gilbert muttered, mentally crossing off Netherlands's name on the list in his head.

"Yea Alfred and Ivan are out – I just found out they're dating," Mattie said scowling. "And he never bothered to tell me."

Gilbert burst out laughing. "I _knew_ there was sexual tension between them!" he said chuckling. "Oh well – I was _sure _it was either America and or Netherlands." He sighed.

Meanwhile, Japan and Liechtenstein were trailing behind Switzerland, who was holding his gun and giving every attendee a suspicious death glare.

"Do you think we should tell Switzerland-san that we were the ones who took his guns?" Japan whispered Liechtenstein, who shook her head.

"Not yet – he's very angry right now. We have to tell him when he's not angry – that's what the email said right?" Liechtenstein whispered back.

"How can you tell when he is not angry?" Japan asked curiously. Liechtenstein smiled.

"He blushes a lot and then stomps off to his room," she replied.

"I never would have realized that," Japan said in awe.

"You come to get used to it after a while," Liechtenstein replied.

Switzerland whirled around to face them. Japan and Liechtenstein stood up straight, trying to look as though they hadn't been talking about him at that moment.

"I think Austria stole my guns," he said finally. "Do you think I should shoot him or his wife as revenge?"

Liechtenstein gasped and Japan's face went green. "Switzerland-san I think you should think before you act. Shooting Austria-san or Hungary-chan would be inadvisable," Japan said shakily as Switzerland began to load his gun.

"Brother Elizaveta's my friend! How could you want to shoot her or her husband?" Liechtenstein said, her eyes going wide. The moment Japan saw Liechtenstein's eyes widen he knew that they no longer had to worry about Switzerland shooting Austria or Hungary. Switzerland blushed a deep red.

"Y-you're friends with her?" he asked gruffly and Liechtenstein nodded. "Then… I guess I won't shoot them," he mumbled, looking away. Liechtenstein beamed.

"Thank you brother!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around her brother. Japan let out a sigh of relief. Disaster averted… for now.

"Fun party wasn't it?" Gilbert said enthusiastically to Yao, who was trying to pry a cheerful Korean girl off of him.

"But Aniki~~!" she protested.

"Stop that aru!" Yao said hotly. Yong Soo suddenly froze, letting go of Yao. Yao beamed. "Thank you Yong Soo – about time you began to… Yong Soo?"

"I feel sick!" she screamed, running off. Gilbert turned to Mattie who had disappeared as well.

"What's up with them?" Gilbert asked Yao, who shrugged.

"I'm guessing they're turning back into boys," a horribly familiar voice said behind them. A horribly familiar _French_ voice. Fuck. Gilbert whirled around.

"Hey Francis – Arthur!" Gilbert said enthusiastically, throwing his arms around the Brit. "How have ya been? Voice still gone? That really sucks!"

Arthur gave Francis a pointed look. Francis sighed. "Please get off of Arthur," he said. Gilbert did as told, ruffling Arthur's hair amicably. "There's no point trying to pretend Gilbert – he knows. He saw _Mathieu_ talking to Alfred."

Arthur glared at Gilbert, who laughed. "Well that sucks doesn't it? Oh well – at least the potion's worn out!" he said cheerfully.

"Arthur wants the rest of the potion back before wreck havoc on the rest of the world," Francis replied. Gilbert reached into his back pocket and pulled the small bottle out, tossing it to his friend.

"Why _do_ you have a potion that can change guys into girls anyways?" Gilbert asked curiously. Yao and Francis frowned as well.

"Yes, why _would_ you have a potion like that anyways, _Angleterre?_" Francis asked. Arthur blushed a deep red.

"Aniki! I'm a boy again!" a voice suddenly said, running towards them. Yao groaned and moved before Yong Soo collided into him.

"Hooray aru," Yao said weakly as Yong Soo attempted to grab his breasts. Gilbert noted to his amusement that Yong Soo was still wearing a dress.

"Where is _Mathieu_?" Francis inquired.

"Right here," a voice grumbled. A _masculine_ voice.

"Mattie! You're a dude again!" Gilbert exclaimed. Matthew gave him a look.

"Don't even," he warned. Gilbert laughed.

"Oh don't act like you didn't enjoy being a chick for a day," Gilbert said jokingly. Matthew gave him a glare and stomped away. Yao and Yong Soo followed.

"Don't worry he'll cool down in an hour – Arthur is a lot like that too," Francis reassured. Gilbert grinned.

"I can tell," Gilbert said and Francis laughed, the two of them ignoring Arthur. Arthur glared at the both of them before walking away. "Hey Francis – wanna call Antonio and see if he wants to go drinking tonight?" Francis grinned.

"_Bien s__û__r_ – it'll be nice to relax with some friends," Francis agreed. "Sometimes one needs to get away from birthday parties, crazy children and grumpy lovers to hang out with their friends."

Gilbert nodded as they walked away. But speaking of lovers… who _was_ Loveless Friend? It seemed as though the closer he got to figuring out who it was, the further away he ended up. Gilbert sighed angrily. This was harder than he thought.

If Gilbert didn't find out soon, he was going to have to resort to desperate measures.

* * *

**A/N: I'm afraid to say that Gilbert and I have been talking and well... we're very sad. I know a lot of you were looking very forward to the next chapter and I apologize for posting it so late but... it's hard to write something when there's hardly anything to work with. _Awesome Advice_ is an interactive story where readers can send 'advice problems' to me via reviews or PMs and I will write them into the story. Basically, these 'advice problems' that people send me are what create the new chapter. For this chapter, as you can see, there was only one email to Gilbert asking for advice. Because of that, I had a lot of trouble trying to figure out a plot for this chapter - leading me to turn Matthew and Yong Soo into girls because I could honestly not think of anything else. **

**So basically what I'm trying to say is PLEASE please please please please please send in your chapter ideas [aka 'advice problems'] via Reviews or PMs - Gilbert and I need them desperately! I would really like to get this story into the double digits before writing my ending which means we still need a few more chapters. If you don't remember how to do it - here I'll give you an example :)**

_**Subject: Sealand **_**[this is to tell me who exactly is sending the email since the emails are supposed to be annonymous]**

_**Dear Awesome Advice,**_

_**No one seems to recognize me as the super cool nation that I am! It's all jerk England's fault! What do I do to get recognized as a country?**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Super Cool Power Ranger**_

***sends***

**A few minutes/hours later...**

**Me: *reads email* *thinks of best Prussia-like response* *writes chapter about it* *posts on***

**AND VOILA NEW CHAPTER!**

**I love every single one of you who have sent me advice problems and I thank you with the bottom of my heart and hope I used every single one of them in this story [I'm terribly scatterbrained so sometimes I forget]. That being said, I love the rest of y'all who have just reviewed telling me how much they love this story. It really boosts my self-esteem when I get a review like that. **

**Ok, I'm done with my rather depressing A/N. On to the more cheerful one: **

**LOL yes, Arthur finally managed to kick Gilbert out of his house. Pity his voice was lost during the battle. A moment of silence for Arthur's voice. May it come back soon in one of the following chapters. **

**I haven't completely decided whether or not Matthew will kick Gilbert out like he was planning to - though I wouldn't put it past him. If _I_ were turned into a dude in order for my friend to find out who liked them, I'd probably murder them much less kick them out of my house! x] **

**I dunno, I added Yong Soo in there because I got bored and I like South Korea a lot. I don't think I wrote him too well but hey - I tried!**

**Thanks to everyone who guessed where "ickle roddykins" is from! The correct answer was _Harry Potter_! The winners got to request a story for me to write and if any of y'all are looking for it, go just my profile ;D**

**Mini survey time! Which character from Hetalia do you think you're most like? I personally am most like Prussia - in my group of friends, we figured out which one of us at like which Hetalia character and yea, I got Gilbert. I have a friend who's like Antonio and a friend who's like Francis and together we make up the Bad Touch Trio - but we're badassier cuz we be girls (H)**

**Baaaahh, I should've been studying for my French exam tomorrow instead of writing this but I felt bad for depriving you of a new chapter. I hope you liked it despite the fact it was pretty random. And pretty fail. And the fact I turned Matthew and Yong Soo into girls temporarily. I need to stop looking at pictures of Genderbent!Hetalia. Hopefully I'll have a new chapter up [that is, if people send in advice problems] by next week or the week after - exams are _such_ a bother. **

**Thank you all for story alerting, favouriting, and reviewing! I love you all *huggles***

**Phew this A/N was longer than the last one. I talk too much, don't I?**

**Reviews [and chapter ideas] turn Gilbert into a girl! Just temporarily though - long enough for Matthew to get his revenge. And really, who doesn't want to see Gilbert in a dress? **


	10. Gosh, Nations Are Possessive Bitches

"Oh come on Mattie you know you secretly enjoyed it!"

"No I didn't! I just got a call from Ontario too – turns out he found out from New York that I was impersonating him as a woman at Alfred's party!"

"Well Liam should just calm down – it's not like Alfred noticed any difference."

"But Daniel did and that's the problem! I just got off an angry phone call from Liam because apparently Daniel took pictures and showed Jean and now Jean won't stop annoying him about it!"

"Well at least they're bonding right? Weren't you going on about how Jean wanted to separate from your family?"

"Yea but - Oh why am I bothering? Just get out," Matthew said in annoyance, pointing to the door. Gilbert looked astonished.

"But Mattie—"

"Go."

"B-but-"

"Now." Not wanting to face an angry Matthew [Gilbert had seen those hockey games and knew what Matthew was like when mad] Gilbert decided to listen to the Canadian for once. Well at least he _was_ going to, before his phone rang.

"Hello?" Gilbert said enthusiastically into the phone, completely ignoring the death glare he was receiving from Matthew. It was funny how the Canadian looked more like his French father yet when angered looked more like the British one.

"Ve~~ Hello Gilbert!" a voice said just as enthusiastically from the other line.

"Hey Feli! What's up?" Gilbert said, leaning against the wall. Matthew was half tempted to throw something at the Prussian, but decided to just go into the kitchen and make some pancakes to calm himself down.

"Me and Feliks are done redecorating your house!" Feliciano said. Gilbert could picture the Italian positively _jumping_ in excitement.

"That's great! Have you told my _bruder_ yet?" Gilbert asked curiously.

"Not yet – a got a call from someone who wanted me to finish your house so he could kick you out… but I forget his name," Feliciano replied. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Did it happen to be 'Matthew' or 'Canada'?" Gilbert asked.

"Ve~ yes it was! Gilbert how did you know that?" Feliciano said in amazement. Gilbert chuckled.

"I'm just awesome like that. Now here's the deal – can you _not_ tell my _bruder_ about you guys being finished with the house?" Gilbert asked, an idea hatching in his mind. It just didn't seem fair that the awesome Prussia had to be continuously kicked out of houses while his brother was living with the same two people, possibly having the time of his life fucking that uptight Austrian.

"But why not Gilbert?" Feliciano asked in confusion.

"Well don't you like being able to visit West, Elizaveta, and Roderich all at once? I'm sure Elizaveta _loves_ it whenever you sleepover too," Gilbert said slyly.

"Yea! She does! Every time I'm there she always asks if I want to sleepover!" Feliciano said exuberantly.

"Well then, I think you shouldn't tell West about the house for at least a month ok? And besides – don't you want your awesome friend to have a house all to himself?" Gilbert urged.

"Yea! The house looks so pretty now! Ok – I won't tell Ludwig about the house being finished!" Feliciano promised. Gilbert grinned wickedly.

"Alright then! I'll be coming to the house as soon as I can!" Gilbert said.

"Ok! I'll see you then!" Feliciano exclaimed and Gilbert hung up.

"Who was that?" Matthew asked over a pile of pancakes as Gilbert walked into the kitchen. Gilbert grinned.

"Good news – my awesome presence will no longer be 'annoying' you anymore," Gilbert said. Matthew's left eyebrow rose.

"Oh really?" Matthew asked. Gilbert nodded.

"Yup – the call was from Feliciano. He and Feliks just finished the house," Gilbert said.

"Thank God," Matthew said and Gilbert rolled his eyes at his friend. "Now hurry up and leave before you turn me into a girl again."

"But it was _fun_ being a girl!" a voice said exuberantly, running into the kitchen and latching its hands on Matthew's nonexistent breasts.

"Im Yong Soo, how many times do I have to tell you not to grab people's breasts aru?" China demanded, walking in.

"B-but—" Korea tried to say before he was shushed.

"Good luck with them," Prussia said, winking and walking away as China and Korea began to argue. Canada rolled his eyes.

"They're better than you," Canada teased and Prussia pretended to be offended.

* * *

"So like, how do you like it?" Feliks said impatiently, a hand on his hip, his green eyes flashing. Gilbert looked around.

It was certainly _something_ alright… Gilbert had no words to describe what the house had been turned into.

Not that it was ugly or anything – it was just that… none of it was Ludwig's style. Gilbert cackled.

"I love it," he said beaming. Feliks and Feliciano exchanged a high-5.

"Oooh Gilbert, come see your room!" Feliciano exclaimed, taking Gilbert by the arm and dragging him upstairs. Gilbert used his free hand to grab Gilbird off of his head before the poor bird flew off from the speed.

"Whoa," Gilbert said as he stepped into his room. _Damn_ Feliks and Feliciano had kept to their promise. His room looked really, _really_ good. Mind you, a bit too calm and pussy for him but still – it looked really good. "Is that a TV that's across my bed?" Gilbert demanded, walking up to the flat screen on the wall.

"Well _duh_. Everyone needs a TV in their rooms, right?" Feliks said.

"Fuck, this is an _awesome_ room," Gilbert said in awe, looking around before jumping into his very comfortable bed. "I've missed you, bed of mine," Gilbert murmured into the covers [which now matched the colour of his room].

"So you like it right?" Feliks demanded.

"Of course I do!" Gilbert exclaimed. "I always thought you were an annoying freak Feliks but damn you know how to design a room."

Feliks rolled his eyes. "Well I always knew you were a chauvinistic, vain pig but at least you know perfection when you see it," Feliks said airily. If his hair had been longer, he totally would've flipped it. Before Gilbert could figure out that Feliks had just insulted him Feliks said, "Well me and Feliciano have to be off – we're going shopping today!"

"Oooh yea I almost forgot!" Feliciano said in agreement. "Bye Gilbert!"

"Bye Feliciano!" Gilbert said, rolling over and facing them. "And I guess bye to you too… oh wait!" he called out. Feliciano turned to face him. "Are the dogs still going to block me from entering my house?"

Feliciano giggled. "Nope! But they'll still block Ludwig!" and with that he ran off to catch up to Feliks. Gilbert grinned. Life was good.

Deciding now that he ought to check his email to see if he had gotten any advice problems, Gilbert reluctantly got out of his bed and pulled out his laptop from one of the bags he had dropped onto the ground. Praying that his computer was not broken, he turned it on and went to his email.

_Dear Mr. Awesome Advice Person Sir!_

__

Are you REALLY awesome? Oh yeah! So anyway, there's this guy that I love a lot! He's kinda scary sometimes, but he's really nice and even knows how to tie shoelaces! Even though he yells at me sometimes, he still always helps me out when I'm in a pinch! We're pretty much together and we have sleepovers a lot, but he doesn't like to acknowledge our relationship in public like my brother's boyfriend does! It's not fair! I want everyone to know that he's mine because he is and nobody else can touch him!

Sincerely,

I(L)Pasta

_P.S. Oh, yeah! And if you could get him to stop making that sausage that tastes like shit, that'd also be great!_

Gilbert blinked a few times; read the email again five more times before bursting into laughter. It was funnier since he had just spoken to 'I3Pasta'. But really, a possessive… _Feliciano_? Was there even such a thing? And did Feliciano just say 'shit'? The things people say when anonymous…

"Poor _bruder_," Gilbert said grinning as he typed up his response.

_Dear I(L)Pasta, _

_Well obviously since your boyfriend doesn't want you guys to come out as dating you should still subtly show the world he's yours. You know that Belarus chick? You know, the scary-as-fuck sister of Russia's? Yea well, she somehow manages to show the world that Russia is her's right? Maybe you should do something like that so people know that your boyfriend is yours. _

_Best of Luck, _

_Awesome_

_P.S. Wurst is awesome. If you don't like it then GTFO. _

Gilbert cackled wickedly. He couldn't wait to see Ludwig's expression the next time he saw Ludwig and Feliciano together. He moved on to the next email.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

Recently my cousin was forced out of his house and now has to live in mine. However, he is a bit controlling. My wife is also attempting to, ah, "pair us up." How can I solve these problems?

Sincerely,

_Struggling Musician_

Gilbert burst out laughing. Was the world going to explode or something? Was this the seventh sign of the Apocalypse? Was Roderich really emailing _him_ for advice [well, unknowingly since he doesn't know who Awesome Advice is]? Today really _was_ a good day. And a soon-to-be awful one for Ludwig.

_Hey Loser, _

_You should just enjoy it while you can. Fucking your cousin's probably the most action you've probably gotten in a while so you should just grin and bare it. Or bear it. Whatever's right I guess. _

_Have Fun!_

_Awesome_

Ludwig really should thank his older brother. Not only did he help solve the problems between him and his boyfriend, _but_ he just secured Ludwig in getting laid. Gilbert was such a kind older brother. People should wish that he was _their _older brother.

* * *

"You shouldn't be using your laptop here," Ludwig said to his brother at the next world meeting. Gilbert gave him a pointed look. Ludwig sighed. "_Sir_, you shouldn't be using your laptop here."

"Well too bad," Gilbert said and Ludwig sighed once again.

"What are you doing anyways?" Ludwig demanded.

"Watching this homemade porno Elizaveta sent me. The main character oddly looks like you -"

"Let me see that!" Ludwig demanded in horror, grabbing the laptop, only to see a YouTube video of a dancing man singing 'never gonna give you up~~' on it. "This isn't…" Ludwig said in confusion. Gilbert grinned.

"You've just been Rick Rolled!" Gilbert exclaimed. Ludwig looked confused and nearby, America burst out laughing.

"Good one Gilbert!" he exclaimed, running over to the Prussian for a high-5.

"You should be working on your presentation," Ludwig said sternly to the American, who grinned cheekily in response.

"Right-o Germany!" Alfred said, already walking to his seat [unaware of a crazed Natalia lurking behind it]. Shaking his head, Ludwig turned back to his brother.

"So how's staying with Roddy suiting ya? Have you gotten too sore to function yet?" Gilbert asked. Ludwig blushed a light pink.

"You shouldn't say such crude things here," Ludwig hissed. Gilbert gave him a look. "… _sir_," Ludwig added through gritted teeth. Gilbert beamed.

"Well compared to France and his boy toy, Spain with his sex toy, Denmark _attempting_ to kiss his boy, I'm the cleanest, more innocent person here," Gilbert replied, gesturing around to the nations in question. Ludwig resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Funny how all the countries you listed are all your friends," Ludwig said sarcastically. Gilbert laughed.

"I know right?" Ludwig wished he was somewhere else than the meeting room.

Just then, a colourful blur passed by Gilbert and launched itself on Ludwig. "Ve~~ Germany it's been soo long since I saw you! Did you miss me? Did you? Did you?" Feliciano said eagerly. Germany smiled in spite of himself.

"You saw me yesterday," Germany reminded and Italy nodded.

"And it's been _so_ long since then!" Italy said, snuggling into a very red-faced Germany. Prussia rolled his eyes.

"Hey Germany does Italy know about you and Austria?" Prussia taunted. Germany's red face slowly drained of all colour. Italy stopped hugging Germany to face the [part-time] albino.

"What do you mean?" the Italian asked. Prussia leaned back into his chair, smiling a very evil smile.

"Oh you know… Hungary's been up to no good again. She's been forcing her pussy husband and you boyfriend to…"

"To what?"

"Feliciano I don't think-"

"Shh! I want to know!" Feliciano turned to Gilbert with an intense expression on his face. Gilbert almost tried to back away. "What was Hungary trying to make _my_ Germany do?" Italy demanded. Neither German brother missed the possessive tone – or the 'my'. Prussia suddenly wondered if he should say. Part of him feared for his brother when Italy found out. Another part of him couldn't wait to get Italy's reaction on video. Pity the latter part of him was greater than the former. Prussia's shocked face turned into a devious one. Germany uttered a quick prayer.

"She forced him to have _sex_ with Austria."

There was a dead silence between the three with Ludwig glaring at Gilbert, Gilbert watching Feliciano for his reaction and Feliciano staring up at Ludwig with enraged horror.

"Why… why would you do that Ludwig?" Feliciano asked quietly. Ludwig broke his gaze from his older brother and looked down at the Italian.

"I was forced to – I'm so sorry Feliciano I'll make it up to you and -"

"AUSTRIA!" The scream was shrill and neither German brother expected it to come from the Italian. The _entire_ room fell silent. Even France and England managed to break away from each other to stare at the three with confusion.

"… Yes Italy?" the Austrian said, exchanging a quick look with his wife before standing up and approaching the three.

For the first time in Prussia's life, Italy opened his eyes. Anger swirled around in his hazel eyes. It was something none of the countries had ever seen before.

"Italy… are you alright?" Austria said hesitantly. Roderich had known the boy back when Feliciano was a little kid and was thought of as a girl. And in all those years of knowing the Italian, Roderich had never seen Feliciano as mad as he was now.

"How dare you… to _my_ Ludwig," Feliciano muttered, his eyes darting from Roderich and a horrified Ludwig. "HE'S _MY_ LUDWIG," Feliciano screamed. "YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM – NONE OF YOU CAN," he howled, swirling to face the other nations. Ludwig's eyes were as wide as saucers. This wasn't normal… what was happening?

"Feliciano sweetie, are you alright?" Elizaveta said in concern, coming closer to the enraged Italian.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO MY LUDWIG?" Feliciano yelled, making her back away in fear. "He's _my_ Ludwig! MINE!"

"_Fratello _you're not in your right mind – calm down, I'll take you to go get pasta," Lovino said quietly, walking up to his brother and putting an arm on Feliciano's shoulder. Feliciano shook him off fiercely.

"I don't _want_ pasta!" he screamed, horrifying every single nation that knew him well. No one had ever heard him say such a thing. "I want everyone to stop touching my Ludwig!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around Ludwig once more. There was a dead silence in the room. Everyone watched with bated breath and waited for Italy start fuming at them some more.

Germany looked around at the concerned [yet creeped out] nations staring at him and Italy and cleared his throat. "I believe it would be smarter to postpone this meeting until tomorrow…" he said quietly before lifting up the smaller man and walking out of the room. Italy's head shot up and he gave them all a death glare as an oblivious Germany carried him out.

"Oh well. Sucks. I'm going to go to the bar – anyone want to accompany me?" Prussia said loudly, closing his laptop.

Surprisingly, majority of the nations took up on his offer.

* * *

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

_I have a friend that does not know the wonderful feeling of l'amour. I feel bad about kicking him out and all but he simply does not understand...how can I help my dear friend to see what a wonderful thing it is to love?_

_Most Sincerely, _

_Le Paye D'amour _

Gilbert rolled his eyes. Really Francis? Out of all the advice he could've asked for…

Gilbert was currently sitting in his new awesome bedroom, the TV playing some random game show, Gilbird happily chirping beside him on the bedside table, and the Prussian himself lying down on his bed.

_Dear France, _

_Honestly, love's not all that it's cracked up to be. I'm sure if he wants to find love he'll find some. Just leave him alone – he probably doesn't want you interfering with his love life anyways. _

_Peace, _

_Awesome_

_

* * *

_

"Francis, what are you looking at?" Arthur asked suspiciously as he walked in on his boyfriend staring intently at his laptop. After lots of rest and _many_ cups of tea with honey, Arthur finally regained his voice. Francis looked up and beckoned for Arthur to near.

"Does this not sound like something our dear friend Gilbert would say?" Francis asked, pointing at the new email he had just received. Arthur leaned over the Frenchman, frowning.

"I got an email like that too… I asked Awesome Advice for help on telling you about… my feelings," Arthur muttered as Francis glanced at him curiously. Francis grinned, pulling his boyfriend in.

"But don't you think his responses are oddly like what Gilbert might say?" Francis asked. Arthur read the email again.

"I suppose they _do_ sound like the man… but I doubt Gilbert's intelligent enough to pull this off. Secrecy was never really his strong suit," Arthur admitted. "It's probably not him. I'm going to make tea – you want some?" he asked, standing up.

Francis nodded, reading the email for a third time. Despite what Arthur said, something in Francis still wasn't quite sure.

* * *

_Knock, knock_. "_Bruder_? Are you in there?" a voice called from outside. Gilbert nodded before remembering Ludwig couldn't see him nod.

"Yea I am," Gilbert called out and Ludwig walked in, looking around. After Feliciano's little outburst at the last meeting, Ludwig somehow managed to find out that the Italian and Feliks had finished with their house and promptly moved back [much to Elizaveta's disappointment].

"Your bedroom looks nice," Ludwig said finally. Gilbert smirked.

"As does yours," Gilbert said civilly and Ludwig scowled at him. "I'm sure you'll grow to love it…"

"That's not why I came here to talk to you," Ludwig said. "I came to ask about Feliciano…"

"What about him?" Gilbert asked. A loud chiming suddenly chimed and Gilbert paled. Ludwig didn't seem to have noticed it though – he was too busy staring at the game show playing on the TV screen.

"What caused to be act like that at the last meeting? I've never seen him so… _possessive_," Ludwig said, finally turning to his brother. Another loud chiming was heard. This time however, Ludwig heard it. Gilbert pretended to have not heard it. "What was that?" he asked. Gilbert shrugged.

"Beats me. Anyways, what about Feliciano?" Gilbert said as casually as he could. He should've shut his laptop off then but he was downloading something and it'd stop if he closed it. Dammit.

"Why was he so possessive? Do you know how many angry phone calls I've gotten from Romano asking what happened to his brother?" Ludwig said in irritation. Gilbert looked up at his younger brother.

"_Bruder_ you need to calm down. Feliciano probably had an off day or whatever. The more you worry about it, the bigger than vein on your head gets and the more it seems like it's going to burst. If you're going to worry about Feliciano do it somewhere else. I don't feel like cleaning up blood off my awesome room," Gilbert said finally over a third loud chiming. Ludwig looked around for the source of the noise. Gilbert secretly cursed whoever it was who kept sending him the emails.

Ludwig finally sighed. "I suppose you are right," he grumbled, turning away. A last chiming was heard as Ludwig walked to the door. He paused and for a split second Gilbert feared for the worst. "You should probably find whatever's making that noise," he said and Gilbert relaxed.

"Alright," Gilbert said and Ludwig left the room. Gilbert sighed a sigh of relief. That had been a _very_ close call. If he had gotten caught for being Awesome Advice it would be game over. Everyone would find out and a bunch of angry nations would be at him with knives.

Now, time to find out who the hell kept emailing him.

_Hey Awesome Advice,_

_Thanks for your advice about my friend Felix, his new style is freaking awesome, kinda like you. But anyway now I have another problem._

_There's this guy, and it's really complicated. We used to be best friends when I was younger, but then when he was going through a rough time we lost touch. Then he started acting like a total asshole, fucking commie, and we got into a big fight that lasted years. It didn't end well for him and our relationship has gotten better lately but it's still complicated._

__

I care about him but I'm worried that he just sees me as a fuckbuddy, and I think I want more. What should I do to find out if he really cares for me, and how can we become closer?

_-The Hero_

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

I have come to you again because, once again, I have a problem and when awesomeness comes together, we can solve problems. See, there's this guy, we're occasional 'fuck-buddies', usually to relieve tension and shit like that. However, lately, I've been finding myself wanting to take the  
relationship to the next level... but I'm afraid he just sees me as stress-ball or something. On top of that, there's his sister, who practically stalks me every time I come near him. From one awesome person to another, what should I do?

_From, Hero #1_

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

I started going out with this guy, and he has an insane sister. I'm talking knife carrying, sends you death glares if she finds you NEAR her brother, major brother complex insane. Because of this, I've been afraid to reveal our relationship.

Should I keep our relationship a secret, or tell?

And if I tell, how? It would be very unheroic to get killed.

_Sincerely,_

_THE HERO!_

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_Yea, sorry – I thought my internet was being a bitch and wouldn't send my emails so I kept rewriting them and sending. I had no idea they all sent :/_

_But please help!_

_-The Hero!_

Gilbert rolled his eyes. Of course they had all been Alfred. Only Alfred would be able to send four emails about the same thing. Might as well get his revenge.

_Hey __America, _

_Only you'd have problems with technology despite the fact you made half this shit. Anyways, you want to be in a proper relationship with Russia without Belarus killing you? Well then, if it were anyone else coming for help I would say 'fuck that's impossible – are you stupid?' but since it's you I'll say 'fuck that's almost impossible – you're stupid but hey at least you came to me for help'. You should get Belarus's approval of you and Russia going out. And then when she gives her approval you should tell Russia that you don't want to be just his little fuck buddy and that you want more and fuck you want it NOW. Russia will like how forceful you're being and agree. Everyone will live happily ever after. Pigs will fly around during your wedding. Your brother will be bridesmaid because you asked Arthur to borrow a particular potion that would help Matthew fit into the dress better and you made Prussia the best man [because after all, someone as awesome as him should be the _best_ man] and made Austria play the music as Russia walks down the aisle. The end. _

_Have fun!_

_Awesome_

Gilbert chuckled to himself as he pressed 'send'. He couldn't wait to see Belarus give Alfred her 'blessing'. A loud chiming interrupted his daydream of Alfred running away from Natalia chasing him with a knife and he frowned. It was about time to change the sound – it was starting to become annoying.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

It's a dog-eat-dog world Awesome Advice, and sadly I'm stuck on the opposite end of the love arrow. The non-receiving end. There's this girl - she's just PERFECT - she's beautiful, wonderful eyes and etiquette. And when she smiles, I want to faint. But she's rich and powerful and loves someone else who is just as rich and powerful. She's young like that (although technically we're the same age) and that person always pushes her away. But whenever I try to prove myself better, she just pushes ME away. I don't want to force anything on her; I don't even think we could go that far. I just...want her to know that I care and to acknowledge that she can always be safe in my arms.

Hoping,

_~BotheredBlackBeltBrother_

Who was this about? Who was this _from_? Gilbert guessed from the 'black belt' part that it could be Lithuania – didn't Matthew tell him that when Toris was staying at Alfred's house that he taught the Canadian some martial arts? Well then, if it was from Toris then the email was probably Natalia. Gilbert remembered from when he and Feliks roomed together that Toris had the biggest crush on the Belarusian. Gilbert frowned. He hated whenever he got sincere emails like the one from Lithuania – it meant he actually had to _help_ them rather than screw their lives over. He sighed.

_Dear BBBB,_

_I say just keep waiting for her. Something tells me she'll be experiencing heartbreak soon and will need a shoulder to cry on. Just be there when that happens and you'll be fine I guess. _

_Good Luck,_

_Awesome_

Well then, now that _that's_ over, Gilbert decided that it was high time that he and Gilbird went for a walk in the park and terrorized the local dogs [besides, it was Blackie's scheduled walk time]. As he got up off his bed, another loud chiming was sounded.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

I love my dear brother more than anyone else, and I know that we will soon be married, but lately I have been very concerned at his closeness with some obnoxious tramp. I have been plotting to do something about this but would like sound advice. I demand your answer quickly.

Sincerely,

_Married2Russia_

Gilbert blanched. Was Belarus _really_ asking him for help on how to kill America? No _way_ was he going to be a part of the chick's homicidal plot.

_Dear Belarus, _

_Before you go and kill someone, stop and think. Would Russia really appreciate you chasing around the guy he likes? No right? Just chase him around with a knife to warn him who he's messing with and he'll back away. If worst comes to worst maybe you could try dating someone else? Someone who actually wants to reciprocate your feelings? Someone like… Lithuania perhaps? _

_~Awesome_

_

* * *

_

Alfred cleared his throat, approaching the younger girl. Despite whatever Toris had told him back when he had stayed in America during the Great Depression, Alfred would never believe that Natalia was secretly a very sweet, kind and _sane_ girl. But he really needed to get Natalia's approval so he could talk to Ivan about their relationship and how they should take it to the next level. And who knows? If Natalia actually does agree maybe he and Ivan _could_ get married. Awesome Advice was right; he should totally make Mattie his bridesmaid. He'd make an awesome girl. Maybe he'd look like his daughter… what was her name? Ontario? Whatever, it was something like that.

"You," Natalia hissed, looking as he approached. Alfred resisted the urge to run away screaming.

"Hey Nat!" Alfred said breezily. Natalia did not look amused. Alfred had to remember to keep breathing to prevent him from fainting in fear. Somewhere nearby, Toris looked on with confusion and apprehension. Whatever Mr. America was planning, Toris knew Mr. Russia wouldn't approve. Toris sighed. For Mr. America's sake, he might as well go distract Mr. Russia.

"What do you want," she stated. Alfred gulped. It was now or never [although never seemed better by the second].

"So um. I want your approval." Alfred said finally. Natalia stared at him. "Ya see… I'm… I'm dating…"

"Dating who?" Natalia said, her eyes narrowing.

"Your brother," Alfred said, backing away already. Natalia's eyes widened and she pulled out a knife out of nowhere [how the hell she managed to carry them on her without them cutting her was a wonder].

"How _dare_ you," she seethed, slinking closer to a terrified Alfred [who stupidly thought she might've accepted him and Russia dating]. "Brother loves _me_. How dare you bewitch him to believe otherwise?"

Ok, it there was anything that annoyed Alfred F. Jones, it was someone accusing him of doing magic or whatever. He wasn't freaking _Arthur_ for God's sake!

"I didn't bewitch him – he was the one who made the first move!" A knife flew past his head. So maybe that _wasn't_ a good idea.

"LIES!" Natalia shrieked. Toris froze from walking towards Ivan. Remembering Awesome Advice's email, he decided that he should go help out Alfred and keep Natalia from slitting his throat.

"Natalia, I don't think you should be throwing knives at Alfred," Toris said weakly as she continued pulling knives out of nowhere and throwing them at the American, who was running away.

"Go away Lithuania," Natalia hissed to him. She aimed a knife and threw it, the knife just brushing Alfred's ear and cutting the skin. Alfred screamed, running towards Ivan.

"IVAN, YOUR PSYCHOTIC SISTER IS TRYING TO KILL ME!" Alfred howled, running into Ivan's surprised arms. Natalia fumed on the spot, watching Ivan hug Alfred and glare at her from where he was standing. Something in her broke as Ivan and Alfred exchanged a small kiss.

"Why does Brother hate me so?" she asked, suddenly sad. Toris looked astonished. Just a few seconds ago she was homicidal and now… was she crying? Girls – they were all bipolar or something. Toris sighed, pulling the girl into his arms.

"It's going to be ok Natalia," he said softly, not surprised when Natalia tried to push away from him. He kept a tight grip around her and she eventually softened in his arms. He left her continue crying without saying anything.

"Thank you," Natalia said stiffly, not quite looking Toris in the eye. "You were very nice to me Toris," she said and with that she was gone.

Toris watched her go looking surprised. Sure, Natalia hadn't flown into his arms proclaiming her undying love for him but it was a start. Toris smiled. That was good enough for him.

"Why was my sister throwing knives as you?" Ivan asked as Alfred howled muffled swear words into his thick jacket. Alfred looked up at Ivan in embarrassment.

"I kinda told Natalia we were dating," he said sheepishly and Ivan looked furious.

"Why would you do that?" Ivan said in horror, looking around and half-expecting Natalia to fly out of a tree and hurl knives at them.

Alfred sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair. "I just… I just wanted us to be a proper couple, you know? I'm sick and tired of meeting up with you secretly in hotel rooms and stealing secret kisses whenever nobody's looking. I want people to know about us… and I thought it'd be smarter if I told Natalia first before anyone else," he said finally. Ivan stared at the younger man.

"You want us to be… a proper couple?" Ivan asked. Alfred nodded sheepishly. Ivan hugged his lover, looking up and seeing Natalia glaring at them. He glared back before turning his gaze back to Alfred. Ivan smiled at Alfred. "I love you Alfred," he said quietly, his smile growing at the surprised expression on Alfred's face. Alfred beamed back.

"I love you too, you commie!" Alfred exclaimed, pressing his lips gently against Ivan's own.

* * *

"And then the bloody wanker asked me for a potion to turn Matthew into a girl if he and Ivan ever got married!" Arthur said to Gilbert as they walked towards the bar. It was time for their monthly drinking session with a certain Dane and Gilbert was hoping that Matthias remembered the email Awesome Advice had sent him that told him to let Prussia win their drinking contest the next time they went drinking.

Gilbert groaned. Honestly, what was _with_ the nations? Whenever Prussia attempted to mess up the lives of the nations, they always managed to find someway to make it all good again. "Are you going to give him the potion?" Gilbert asked. Arthur gave him an incredulous look.

"I'm never leaving that potion out in the open ever again. I have no idea how the idiot managed to find out about but he's never going to get his hands on it. I would fear for Matthew's life if Alfred managed to get it," Arthur said and Gilbert agreed. "Besides, it's not like they're ever going to get married. As if their bosses would let that happen," he added.

"Surprising isn't it? You know, Ivan and Alfred dating," Gilbert asked. Arthur snorted.

"Hardly. The two of them have been at it since the Cold War. It's rather obvious that even if they argue, they were sneaking to each other's beds," Arthur replied and Gilbert smirked.

"Kinda like you and Francis right?" Gilbert said.

"I'm not going to grace that with an answer," Arthur said primly and Gilbert laughed.

"Speaking of the wino, where is he?" Gilbert asked.

"He said something about a headache and went to bed early. He also told me to tell you to apologize for attempting to pry into your love life – whatever that means," Arthur said briskly. Gilbert grinned.

"Tell him I say thanks," Gilbert responded as they walked into the bar and spotted Matthias eagerly waving for them. "Now, are you ready to lose to me and Matthias?"

"As if," Arthur snorted, a wicked glint in his eye as they sat down and asked for a shot. "I'll be winning this time."

* * *

**A/N: WOW GUYS. YOU'RE ALL REALLY AWESOME, YOU KNOW THAT? I can't believe the amount of emails I received this week. Because I got so many I decided I would make some Omake chapters that I'll be posting in the near future. I have two done already so I'll be posting them up soon too :D **

**Just so that I'm not swamped with emails all from one particular character I'm just going to say now that I'll be writing Omake chapters for the following characters [and btw, they aren't part of the actual story, they're just random scenes in the same universe]:**

**France**

**America**

**Latvia [I got two about the same thing so I'm going to make a serious Omake one and a crack one because I'm in a crack-writing mood]**

**Switzerland [again, this has nothing to do with the actual plot. this will probably be another solution to his problem - possibly crack. heh.]**

**Germany **

**China**

**But seriously guys, you are amazing. You have idea how truly amazed I was at the response after the last chapter. You guys are amazing and all deserve the biggest hugs ever! But now to the story notes:**

**Liam = Ontario**

**Daniel = New York**

**Jean = Quebec **

**I don't really like Liam's name, but I couldn't think of anything else. Any suggestions for a proper name for Ontario [my province lol]?**

**I actually had fun looking for cool bedrooms that Feliciano and Feliks could design for Gilbert until I finally found this one:**

**http:(slash)(slash)www(dot)designshoot(dot)com(slash)cool(hyphen)master(hyphen)bedroom(hyphen)interior(hyphen)design(hyphen)view(dot)html(slash) **

**Yea I know it's not really Gilbert's style but it looked so bamf that I thought that Gilbert should have it. **

**Ludwig's bedroom looks like the one Kurt designs for him and Finn on Glee in Theatricality [the Lady Gaga episode] You know, the one that causes Finn to totally rudely spazz at Kurt and makes Kurt's awesome dad say that awesome speech that I really wish I could memorize cuz it's so sweet and so powerful and SO TRUE. For those of y'all who know what I'm talking about - isn't it JUST a gorgeous room? LOL Gilbert _did_ tell Ludwig that he let Feliciano and Feliks go crazy with Ludwig's room as long as they kept his room awesome and manly.**

**Heh. Writing Possessive!Feliciano is surprisingly a lot of fun. I just Italy so much - he's so adorable ^^**

**Yes, Francis beginning to get suspicious of who Awesome Advice might be. This is the first sign that the story is nearing its end. :'( But don't worry - there will still be bunches of chapters before that comes - I haven't decided when I'm going to end it. **

**Isn't Russia/America just so cute? Gaaah, I like it better when it's all sexual tension angsty and stuff. Russia/America is just too sexy for words. It's another one of my OTPs. Heehee ^^**

**Mini-Survey time! What are your OTPs? What pairings do you hate? My OTPs are FrUK, Russia/America, AmeriCana and a certain Prussia pairing that I can't say or it'll ruin the story :) I absolutely hate USUK and France/Canada though - my headcanon says that France and England are like the father figures for America and Canada so I find it ever so entirely creepy to think of them as a romantic couple. It'll be interesting to hear about your OTPs and hated pairings :D**

**Thanks again for all of you who are story alerting, favouriting, reviewing and sending in advice problems! I honestly didn't think I was a good author until you guys appeared into my life. I love you all soo so so so so much!**

**Reviews make Prussia win the drinking contest between him, England and Denmark. **


	11. Omake One

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

_I was talking with my Nee-chan yesterday, and she started mumbling about a lack of UST now that France-nii and England got together. And when I tried to ask my Nee-chan what UST was, she pat my head and said, "I'll tell you when you're older." Ve, but I really want to know what it is, and I want to make Nee-chan happy, so what's UST? And how can I get some for my Nee-chan?_

_~Pastasauce_

Gilbert laughed, shaking his head at Feliciano's naivety. The poor man had no idea what Unresolved Sexual Tension was. Well, he wasn't going to be the one who was going to break it to him. It was more amusing to picture Feliciano asking Gilbert's brother.

Just then, a chiming alerted him of another email. Gilbert opened the new one, resolving to answer Feliciano's later when he actually knew what to tell him.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

Hey, so I have pretty much been bickering with this lazy guy for quite some time now. He always starts it though - the brat. Well, this guy challenged me to a rock, paper, scissors game to be held this week. Basically, do I go with it? If so - rock, paper, or scissors?

Sincerely,

_MaskedBro_

Gilbert's left eyebrow rose. Interesting. Maybe he could answer this _and_ answer Feliciano's email as well…

_Dear MaskedBro,_

_You should use rock. Rocks are used by only badass motherfuckers. If you still end up losing to him, well then take out your anger on him in an empty closet. _

_Have fun, _

_Awesome_

Now, time to email Feliciano…

_Dear Pastasauce, _

_UST stands for Ultimate Solution Tools. Obviously, Hungary was annoyed that there was a lack of UST now that France and England got together because they took them all for themselves. But I know two people who still have some UST. Just tell her to install a creeper-cam- I mean, a camera in the broom closet nearby the meeting room and she'll find some of that UST. _

_Peace,_

_Awesome_

_

* * *

_

"YOU _BRAT_! How dare you beat me! Rocks are used by BAMFs!" Turkey yelled at the Grecian in front of him who was trying to doze off. Greece opened an eye lazily.

"But paper is used by winners," he murmured before going to sleep. Turkey turned almost red and shook Greece awake.

"We're settling this in the closet," Turkey hissed with a different tone now. Greece opened his eyes and watched as Turkey 'stormed' out of the meeting room. The other nations didn't seem to care; they were all too used to Turkey storming out after having an argument with Greece.

"I have to go to the washroom," Greece said, standing up. Germany glared at him as he interrupted the presentation on environmental awareness. Greece walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. It was time to meet Turkey in their favourite closet. He hoped this time Turkey brought lube – it was always awkward whenever they forgot it and had to return to the meeting extremely sore.

Hungary watched Greece leave the room with interest. She had been close enough to hear Turkey hiss at the Grecian to meet him at in a closet. She glanced at Italy, who was busy doodling on his notes [paying no attention to the meeting]. Could it be…? Did Italy actually give her some UST to squeal over?

Opening her laptop [that nobody noticed since most of the other nations had laptops open as well] Hungary checked the camera that she had put in the closet as instructed by Italy. A blush crept upon her face as she watched Greece and Turkey remove their clothes. Italy _had_ given her UST! She would have to thank him later.

But in the meantime… she might as well spend the rest of this meeting watching what was occurring in the closet.

* * *

**A/N: Yes I know this is shorter than the actual chapters but it's an omake after all. Heh I like this :) This takes place a few days after Chapter 7 [Because Nobody Says Blasphemous Anymore]**

**If you Review, Hungary will send you a copy of Greece and Turkey getting freaky in a closet. **


	12. Omake Two

Gilbert lay around on bed, totally bored. Sure, it was 3 in the morning but sleeping was so passé. He wanted something interesting to do.

A loud chiming filled the air and Gilbert hastily stopped it before his brother woke up. Ever the soldier, Ludwig slept very lightly and would wake up to any sound prepared for battle. Gilbert wondered who could be sending him an emailing so late at night.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

Hello, AA. I am a...mother of the sorts and am having some issues with my...son of the sorts. Just the other day, something on TV roused him to ask where babies come from and I just don't know what to do! I couldn't possibly lie to him, but I'm afraid I might say the wrong thing! Another...mother of the sorts, Yao, informed me that he- she never had those kinds of problems.  
All of her kids were very accepting of it. I don't know how she does it... Please help! I don't want me or my husband to scar our child (of the sorts)...

_Sincerely,_

_Frantic Mother Hen_

Gilbert had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. This was most definitely from Finland and was most definitely about Sealand, the little brat.

_Dear FMH, _

_You should make your son of sorts' older brother and his boyfriend explain it to him. _

_Peace, _

_Awesome_

_

* * *

_

Tino bit his lip as he dropped off Peter in England at Arthur's house. He and Berwald had to make a meeting out of the country and didn't want to leave the 12 year old home alone and decided to drop him off at Arthur's house. At least then, Peter could somehow find the answer to his rather _embarrassing_ question.

"Now, I want you to be good at Arthur's house ok? If your father and I get home early from the meeting maybe we can go get ice cream. But only if you're good, ok?" Tino said, kneeling on the ground to look at the little boy at eye-level. Peter nodded obediently. Tino smiled, running a hand through Peter's hair and messing it up affectionately. "I'll see you soon I hope," Tino said, turning back to get into the car.

"Bye mama!" Peter said before disappearing into the house. Tino rolled his eyes at the nickname before driving off.

Peter walked into the kitchen and opened the newspaper nearby, looking for the comics. He could distinctly hear his jerk brother's boyfriend and friend arguing nearby but didn't say anything, finally finding the comics and reading them eagerly.

"As if anyone would fall in love with me," the red-eyed one said as he walked into the kitchen. Peter looked up interest as his jerk brother's boyfriend walked in, sighing in annoyance. Neither man had seen him yet and that infuriated the boy.

"Hey you! Hey! Notice me!" Peter exclaimed.

"No," the red-eyed one grumbled, walking towards cupboard and pulling out a box of scones. This must've been Gilbert, the one Peter's jerk brother Arthur always complained about.

"_Bonjour_ Peter," Francis, Peter's jerk brother's boyfriend, said, mussing up the boy's hair. Peter made a face.

"It's not Peter!" he exclaimed. "It's the awesome nation Sealand!" he continued, striking a rather heroic pose. He ignored Gilbert's eye roll and went back to reading his comics, a bit displeased that no one commented on his awesome pose.

"Why are you here anyways?" Gilbert said, sitting across Peter. Peter watched as he pulled out a scone and stared at it critically. He frowned. It wouldn't be very smart of Gilbert to eat that scone.

"Daddy and Mama had to go to a meeting and didn't want to leave me alone at home," he responded.

"Daddy and _Mama_…?" Gilbert asked confused as he took a bite of the scone and started gagging. Peter rolled his eyes – Gilbert really should've expected them to taste bad before getting annoyed. It was common knowledge on who Peter's mama is. Maybe Gilbert really _was_ as stupid as Peter's jerk brother made him sound.

"Finland-Mama!" Peter replied in annoyance.

"You do realize that Finland's a dude right?" Gilbert asked, wiping his tongue to rid it of the bad taste. Peter knew that if his jerk brother had been there, he would've gotten very mad at Gilbert for doing so.

Peter shrugged. "He's my mama!" he said, getting even more annoyed as Gilbert chuckled and walked to the trashcan.

"Oh. It's you," Arthur stated as he walked into the kitchen. Peter glared at him as he pushed Gilbert away from the trashcan and grabbing the scones out of the Prussian's hands.

"Jerk England!" Peter exclaimed. Arthur rolled his eyes. Peter had hoped for a better reaction – possibly jerk Arthur dissolving into tears or something. Peter stuck his tongue out at his older brother.

"How long will you be staying here again?" Arthur asked. Peter paused to stop and think. What did papa say before he left?

"Papa said I'll be staying here until the meeting's over!" Peter replied. "I want to watch Power Rangers!" Peter demanded.

"Go ahead – I'm not stopping you," Arthur grumbled while pouring tea. Peter pouted – Arthur was such a jerk to him. He ran off into the living room.

Turning on the TV, he had to flip through many channels until he found a channel that was playing Power Rangers. Peter watched in fascination, mimicking them enthusiastically.

In the kitchen he could hear his jerk brother yelling something about dating Americans but paid no attention to it.

He continued watching and was rather pleased to find out that there was another episode airing right after the first. Peter continued watching TV, ignoring everything that was happening in the kitchen. He didn't really care about it anyways.

It was around the time of the second episode ending that Peter heard the front door opening and closing. The TV channel that had played the Power Rangers episodes was now playing a show about a girl whose mother had just given birth to a baby boy. Peter then remembered the question he had asked his mama, who had told him to ask his jerk brother.

Peter walked into the kitchen, only to see his jerk brother pressed against the kitchen table and his shirtless boyfriend kissing him all over. Peter gagged.

"Ew gross!" Peter exclaimed and the couple broke away [or rather, Arthur pushed off Francis in utter horror, his face a flaming red].

"W-what are you doing here?" Arthur exclaimed, flustered and buttoning his shirt [and zipping up his pants] hastily.

"Where do babies come from?" Peter thought it was funny how his jerk brother's face had gone from really red to really white in a matter of seconds. Evidently his boyfriend thought the same thing because he burst out laughing.

Arthur glared at Francis. "Why can't you ask your parents?" Arthur shot at his little brother.

"Because they told me to ask you!" Peter replied, annoyed that jerk Arthur wasn't aware of this. Arthur groaned before sighing in resignation.

"Well Peter… babies come from a magical bird who -"

"What do you think you are doing Arthur? Telling _lies_ to a young boy?" Francis said in utter horror. Arthur glared at Francis again. "Here, I will tell you how babies are _really_ made," Francis said, beckoning for the boy to come closer.

Pleased, Peter did as told. Even though his brother was a jerk, at least he was good at finding nice boyfriends.

"Babies come from when a man and a woman…"

* * *

"Did you have fun at Arthur's house?" Tino asked his 'son' as Berwald drove the three of them home. Peter nodded.

"I got to watch Power Rangers!" Peter exclaimed. Berwald grinned.

"Th't's n'ce," he murmured and Tino nodded in agreement.

"I also learned where babies come from!" Peter added. It took all of Berwald's power to slam on the brakes in shock. Tino paled and attempted to smile.

"Did you now?" Tino said and Peter nodded.

"Yea! I learned that babies…" Peter leaned in to whisper the information to his parents. Tino squeaked, blushing a deep red and Berwald glowered. The two exchanged a look and Berwald knew that Arthur would be receiving a very angry phone call from them _very_ soon.

"At least he knows what happens… and we didn't have to tell him," Tino said uncertainly as they walked into their house, Berwald still looking furious. Berwald relaxed slightly, agreeing.

It would be an utter horror to have the Swedish man attempt to explain the birds and the bees to Peter.

* * *

**A/N: LOL can you just imagine Berwald trying to explain sex and babies to Peter? Yea, neither can I xD**

**As you can see, this happens in Chapter 9 time - I used some of the dialogue from the kitchen scene between Gilbert and Peter in this :D Anyone who noticed/realized this gets a cookie! **

**No Reviews force Berwald to explain child_birth_ to Peter. Complete with video - LOL. THE MIRACLE OF LIFE IS JUST SO SCARRING T_T" POOR PETER. REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO HELP THE POOR CHILD STAY INNOCENT.**

**Oh and since I'm posting three things at the same time, remember to read the actual chapter and Omake one. I wouldn't want y'all to miss that because I mass-posted D:**


	13. Omake Three

Gilbert ran a hand through his hair as he ate his dinner, his eyes flickering towards his very terrified brother and Feliciano.

Feliciano. Normally Gilbert would associate that name with "adorable, pasta-loving, really happy, doesn't take much seriously". But right now, however, he was associating the name with "CREEPIER THAN RUSSIA".

"Pass the salt please," Gilbert said quietly to Ludwig. Instantly Feliciano's hateful gaze was directed to Gilbert and the Prussian shrank back. "Never mind," he muttered, looking away. For the first time ever, he wished Feliciano hadn't decided to eat dinner with them.

The tension in the room was beginning to kill Gilbert. "I'm gonna go to my room now…" Gilbert said, taking his plate and running out of the room before Feliciano could direct his creeper-gaze at him again.

His laptop greeted him with a chime as Gilbert ran into his room and collapsed onto his bed, making sure not to spill any of his lasagne on it. He put the plate down on the bedside table and opened his email.

_Dear Awesome Advice Person Sir!_

_My boyfriend cheated on me! I haven't been this upset since-since-since ever! Not even when he said I couldn't make pasta in the desert! I don't understand why he did it...He says he was forced, but still! He was inside another guy! Or another guy was inside of him (though that seems highly unlikely...He likes to top!)! Doesn't he love me anymore? What did I do? Does he love someone else now? Should I call the mafia to take them out?_

__

Wishing you the best pasta,

_I3Pasta_

Gilbert shuddered. He _really_ did not want to know about his brother being inside another dude [especially Roderich of all people] and he _really, __really_ did not want to know about Ludwig topping. Gilbert felt sick. That was just plain gross.

_Dear I3Pasta, _

_Calm down. You know Elizaveta – the freak's always trying to get two boys having sex in front of her. Ludwig didn't mean anything, ok? He still loves you very, very much and would very much like you do go back to the normal Feliciano he loves – not this creepy possessive Feliciano who is making his awesome older brother Gilbert shit himself [metaphorically] every time you come to their house. SO CALM THE FUCK DOWN. You're freaking everyone out._

_~Awesome

* * *

_

Feliciano jumped slightly as his phone buzzed, alerting him of a new email. In response Ludwig flinched – he thought Feliciano was finally going to maul him. Ludwig quickly prayed to God and hoped that He would spared him.

"L-Ludwig?" Oh God, here it comes. Goodbye Blackie, goodbye Aster, goodbye Berlitz. Goodbye Gilbert, goodbye Kiku. Goodbye beer, goodbye wurst – Ludwig really hoped there was wurst in heaven – goodbye pasta Feliciano was so good at making…

"_Ja_?" It was almost time.

"I'm sorry for how I acted." Wait – what? This wasn't what Ludwig was expecting. Ludwig opened his eyes.

"You are?"

Feliciano nodded earnestly. "I guess I was too scared I was going to lose you Ludwig… the last time I felt this way about somebody they died," he whispered, looking sad. Ludwig felt horrified – it wasn't like Feliciano to mention his older lover. Ever since the two of them starting being… _more_ than just friends… Feliciano had banished all thoughts of the mysterious other boy from his head.

"I'm sorry too Feliciano," Ludwig said hesitantly, reaching out and putting his hand on Feliciano's. Feliciano looked up, his eyes suddenly shining with happiness.

"Really?" Feliciano asked hopefully. Ludwig nodded.

"Really." Ludwig barely had time to prepare himself as Feliciano flew over the table and threw himself into Ludwig's arms.

"Ve~ I love you Ludwig! Ti amo!" Feliciano exclaimed happily. Ludwig blushed.

"Ich liebe dich, Feliciano," Ludwig murmured before kissing Feliciano's forehead lovingly.

* * *

**A/N: And so Feliciano is back to normal. Sorry for updating so slowly, the actual chapter will be up either today or sometime on the weekend or Monday if I get too busy. **

**Reviews give me the drive to finish the next chapter faster!**


	14. Lonely Nations Seem To Bond Really Well

Gilbert rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing. Today had been a boring day. Everyone seemed to be busy with a significant other and frankly, it was driving Gilbert a bit crazy. He really needed to find something to do.

So how about checking his email? It had been almost a month since he had checked his email. It's not like it was his fault though – he had been in South Africa, cheering Ludwig and his team on. Until stupid Antonio went and defeated them. Gilbert refused to speak to Antonio after that moment. Gilbert half wanted the Dutch pothead to beat him just so Gilbert could rub it in Antonio's face and so that he would have a drinking buddy.

_Dear awesome,_

__

Oui! I know who you are! You better come clean or else!

_-France_

Gilbert paled. What? Francis managed to figure him out? Gilbert tried taking in a few deep breaths. Calm Gilbert, calm. Obviously Francis didn't know for sure who he was since there had been no name given. Gilbert might as well take it calmly.

_Dear France,_

_It seems as though you have figured me out. Yes, I am Russia. Now that you know who I am, you will become one with me, da?_

_~Mother Russia _

Jesus, the email seemed to have come a few weeks ago. Gilbert felt a guilty twang in his stomach the moment he realized the other emails were from even longer. He really shouldn't let off checking his email and answering them. It could hurt his image and really, he was having too much fun.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

Like, mega crisis here! Yesterday I was painting my nails in my boss's room and I like, spilled a whole bottle of my pink nail polish! First of all, he's totally going to kill me for being in his office without permission. Second of all, I spilled it on his rug and some very important documents!

_What should I do?_

_-Pretty in Pink_

Gilbert rolled his eyes. How many times had Feliks done that while they were rooming together? Answer: A MILLION.

_Dear PiP,_

_Isn't there such thing as nail polish remover? Oh haha, Polish remover – aren't I so funny? Anyways, just borrow some from a GIRL and then use it on his rug. Blame the documents on his secretary and plant the nail polish in her desk. Weren't you complaining to Lithuania about how much you hated her?_

_Good luck, _

_Awesome_

Well, now that that 'mega crisis' was averted, on to the next email.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

I've recently discovered that I had a little brother. He appears cold on the surface but is really hot blooded underneath. He refuses to call me his brother in public and none of the other nation in our area are helping him any. What should I do to get him to call me his brother?

_Stoic Older Brother_

Gilbert grinned. He had somehow managed to hear about the predicament [Ludwig had found out Iceland did a DNA test to check and wanted he and Gilbert to do the same to further prove that someone as crazy as Gilbert could not possibly be related to him] and almost pitied Norway.

_Dear SOB [haha, SOB = son of a bitch!]_

_You should just say please. It's amazing what a small word could do. _

_~Awesome_

There, that should do it. Weren't Icelandians really polite or something? Hell, Gilbert didn't know. The only thing he knew about Iceland was Bjork and that didn't really help much.

_Dear Awesome Advice_

__

You're definitely not as awesome as the awesome nation of Sealand, but I need help. Not that you'll be able to of course. Anyway now that I know where babies come from I've decided that its stupid only girls get to have babies. Why are they the only ones allowed to have babies! I want to have a baby one day too!

_Signed: I AM a real country_

Gilbert blinked. Really? Sealand wanted kids one day?

_Dear Sealand [no you aren't a real country],_

_Girls are the only ones to have babies because if guys had babies they'd all turn into jerks like your brother. If you want babies f__irst find yourself a little girlfriend. Then maybe you can start thinking about having children and all that crap. _

_Have fun!_

_Awesome_

Oh God, was it really to the point that he was answering emails for_ kids_? Where were all the other nations? Had they all disappeared off the face of the earth? Were their lives really that comfortable, that they didn't need Prussia to come and screw it up for them?

_Dear Awesome Advice-san,_

_I know someone who has a really cute little white dog and who also has a husband and kid. I think the dog (Hanatamago) is probably lonely without any other animals around. Do you think I can take her? I have a bunch of pets, so she wouldn't be lonely - I'd take really good care of her - and her owner already has a family to love and pay attention to, so it's not like he'd miss her too much (I think)... So do you think I should rescue her? And if I do, and her owner DOES mind, how can I avoid being annihilated by the SCARY father in the family? I'm not quite sure that even my super ninja skills can withstand an attack by him... unless I assassinate him first? Or should I just make a robot version of their dog and hope they don't notice if I switch the real one with the fake?_

_What should I do?_

_RisingSun (a.k.a. FuzzyLover)_

Gilbert stared at the email. What. Was. Wrong. With. Japan.

_Dear RisingSun, _

_I think you should worry about your problem with Switzerland first. Besides – Hanatamago's well loved. You should see Sealand when he's with the puppy. If you think Hanatamago is lonely just arrange a play date with your pets and Hanatamago. It's not like her owners will mind. _

_~Awesome_

Good ol' Japan, always asking him for advice. Gilbert wondered what Kiku's response would be when he found out that for the past few months he had been asking Gilbert for advice and not some wise sensei or whoever Kiku thought he was.

_Hey Awesome, I have no one left to drink with. Everyone's off fucking in a closet or something and I'm getting lonely. What should I do? Wait 'till someone breaks up?_

_xoxChocolate3_

Belgium needed someone to drink with? Prussia's interest was suddenly taken.

_Dear xox, _

_Ask Prussia. All his stupid asshat friends are off with people too and he's getting lonely too – not that he'd admit it or anything. Go ask him, you'll like him. He's funny, smart, brave and really hot. Plus – he's got five meters. What more can a cute chick like you want? _

_Have fun, _

_Awesome_

Gilbert leaned back in his chair [that was in the dining room]. He was going to have fun with Belgium. She was cute, hilarious, someone who could hold her liquor _and_ she was still single. Maybe he could managed to get laid [God knew how long the last time had been].

"Bruder?" a voice said out of nowhere. Gilbert slammed his laptop shut and tried to look normal.

"Yea West?" Gilbert asked airily. Ludwig stared at Gilbert's laptop suspiciously. "West… have you been drinking again?"

"No," Ludwig said, hiccupping. "We came _so_ close…" Ludwig moaned, collapsing onto a table in front of Gilbert. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Calm down West – third place is still awesome," Gilbert said reassuringly. True, he was pissed about Germany losing FIFA but Ludwig was taking it worse than he was.

"It's all that Spaniard's fault," Ludwig slurred, not looking up at Gilbert. "He should stick to eating to…to…"

"Tomatoes?"

"Whatever the fuck they're called."

"Did you just say fuck? Ok _bruder_ – obviously since you're swearing, you're crazy ass drunk. Up you get," Gilbert said, getting and hoisting Ludwig to his feet. Holy fuck, Gilbert might've been older but Ludwig sure was taller and heavier. Must be all that wurst he was always eating.

"Don't treat me like a child," Ludwig grumbled as Gilbert half-dragged him upstairs. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Then stop acting like one."

"I'll only stop the moment you stop."

"I've never acted like a child."

"You're the epitome of childishness."

"Only you'd be able to remember big words even while drunk, West."

"Don't change the subject!"

"You need to sleep."

"And_ you_ need to tell me what you're doing," Ludwig said, attempting to push Gilbert away from him but managing to fall instead. Gilbert rolled his eyes in irritation. He always _did_ hate handling a drunk Ludwig.

"What are you talking about? I'm taking you to your room because you're too drunk to do it yourself," Gilbert replied. Ludwig shook his head.

"No. You're doing something secretly – I know it. You're on your laptop too much. It's suspicious… I'm suspicious of Gilbert you know," Ludwig said suddenly, staring at a nearby window as Gilbert attempted to pull the German man to his feet. "I think he's planning something bad. But don't tell him I'm suspicious – he might freak out or something…" Ludwig drooped back down to the ground and started snoring. Gilbert stared at his brother. Now that Ludwig was fully asleep, there was no way in Gilbert was going to attempt carrying him to bed. Gilbert was strong yes, but carrying Ludwig would be a suicide mission. Gilbert decided to just let him sleep on the floor and walked back downstairs.

Ludwig becoming suspicious of him was not a good sign. Whenever Ludwig got suspicious, he would stop at nothing to get to the bottom of whatever it was Gilbert was planning until he figured it out. The last thing Gilbert needed was Ludwig to find out. The moment Ludwig found out about Awesome Advice… well, let's just say Gilbert would not live to see Germany win the world cup at Brazil and that would be a crying shame because Gilbert had been meaning to go visit the topless beaches there. Gilbert sighed. He had to start being sneakier then.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

Although they generally consider me one of their brother, I can not help but feel slightly left out. My ...brother had someone, and the other two of our group are together, as well... whilst I am quite isolated. I do not like being concerned about such matters, but it seems to keep bothering me. Is there something I should do?

_Sincerely, Iceburgpuffin_

Gilbert bit his lip. He really didn't know anything about Iceland except for the insanely named volcano that made it impossible for him to go fly over to England and harass Arthur a few months back but now that he thought of it… Iceland generally hung out with Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Finland. It must be lonely, being the only single dude amongst all your pals… what the heck; Prussia knew exactly how Iceland must've felt.

_Dear Iceburgpuffin,_

_You should try making new friends. I know for a fact Belgium and Prussia are just as lonely and hey, last time I checked the Baltic nations were single and lonely and Canada's a nice dude when you don't try turning him into a chick and maybe even America when he's not trying to save your ass or trying to be awesomer than Prussia [which is impossible]. _

_I suggest you try looking out of your circle of friends and maybe you'll find a friend there._

_~Awesome!_

Gilbert moved on to the next email.

_Dear awesome advice,_

__

I have a problem. My...ummm...partner wants to know if I like him. Well, truthfully, I love him. Can you help me tell my partner?

_-from, thisissonotgermany_

Gilbert rolled his eyes.

_Dear Germany, _

_Just tell Italy. Ich liebe dich, ti amo, te amo, je t'aime, I love you, __σ 'αγαπώ, szeretlek, __मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ__… __fuck those were hard to type out – thank God for Google translate and copy and pasting. What was I talking about? Oh right. Yea, just tell Italy you love him outright – there's no need for you to be all romantic and shit. Germans aren't romantic [unlike Prussians] so don't try being something you're not. Besides, you have Valentine's Day to be romantic and shit. _

_Peace!_

_Awesome_

Gilbert frowned. Did that email sound like him? Well… it wasn't like Gilbert had talked about the epitome of awesome. If he had, then Ludwig would definitely think of him and realize that he had sent him the email. He decided to send it, confident that Ludwig wouldn't think it was from him.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

How can I convince my Bruder to let me have a boyfriend?

_CrownLili_

Was this from little adorable Liechtenstein? Was she finally growing up? Prussia beamed. Oddly enough, Prussia was very fond of Liechtenstein whenever the two met and almost thought of her like a little sister [not that Switzerland knew, of course]. Getting Switzerland to let her date somebody would be torture, to say the least. But hey, wasn't Iceland looking for a cure to loneliness? Maybe Heidi was just what he needed.

_Dear CrownLili, _

_Start off with being friends with the guy. Then, if Switzerland objects to you dating, do your cute thing. Nobody is able to withstand your cuteness. Nobody. _

_~Awesome _

_P.S. Don't you think Iceland is cute? I hear he's looking for somebody… maybe you should try being friends with him?_

_

* * *

_

"Put the laptop down, Gilbert," Ludwig said sternly as the two were about to make their exit out of their hotel room. Gilbert looked offended.

"Why can't I bring my laptop to the meeting? Maybe I want to take notes," Gilbert said defensively. Ludwig's eyebrow rose.

"Since when did you care about the oil spill?"

"Maybe I care about the environment and the cute little critters that live in it! Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes."

Gilbert glared at his younger brother.

"Put the laptop back in our room. It's not like it's going to be stolen," Ludwig said, his arms crossed. "I'll be waiting out here until you come back."

Gilbert grumbled to himself. "If you wake up tomorrow morning with shit written on your face, just know that you deserved it," he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, darling brother of mine!" Gilbert simpered, stomping back into the room and putting his laptop away. Now he'd actually have to attempt at listening to the presentation. How boring.

"So… Gilbert," Ludwig said as they made their way to the elevators. Gilbert glanced at his brother for a fleeting second. "How are you?"

"Why d'you care all of a second?" Gilbert demanded.

"I just wanted to know what my _bruder_ was up to," Ludwig replied, turning slightly pink. Gilbert frowned.

"You're suspicious of me, aren't you? You think I'm up to something," Gilbert accused as they entered the elevator.

"Well maybe I do! You've been acting odd these days and you're never seen without your laptop! Gott knows what you might be up to!" Ludwig shot at Gilbert.

"Well maybe I'm just working on normal stuff – ever thought about that?"

"Stuff like what?"

"…normal stuff."

"Examples?"

"Like… reading."

"Reading what?"

"Stuff."

"Stuff like what?"

"…normal stuff."

"Examples?"

"OK. I ADMIT IT. I'M WATCHING LESBIAN PORN ON MY LAPTOP 24/7. CAN YOU GIVE IT A BREAK NOW?" Gilbert suddenly yelled. There was a silence.

"This is awkward, is it not Latvia?" a high pitched voice said from the other side of the elevator. Gilbert swore. Of _course_ Russia would be there when he yelled that out. Gilbert was sorely tempted to bash his head into the elevator wall. He did _not_ like being stuck in a small area with Russia, of all people, and it was obvious that Latvia didn't either. Gilbert pitied the kid. It was hard enough being near Russia for a few minutes but constantly seeing him practically every waking minute? Gilbert didn't understand how the hell Alfred managed to like him.

The moment the elevator opened Gilbert flew out of it, dramatically falling to the ground and kissing it. "THANK _GOD_ I DON'T HAVE TO BE STUCK IN THERE WITH THAT CREEPY RUSSIAN," he yelled.

"Gilbert, get up. You're embarrassing us," Ludwig hissed, kicking his brother gently. Gilbert promptly stood up, flashing his brother a grin. "Honestly, I don't know why I bother handling with you so early in the morning," Ludwig muttered, trailing behind Gilbert as they walked to their car that would escort them to the meeting [which was being held in France].

"We should walk to the building, get some fresh air!" Gilbert said exuberantly as they entered the car. Ludwig stared at his brother.

"If you are trying to convince me that you aren't doing bad things, acting like you're on drugs isn't the best way to do it," Ludwig informed him as the car sped away from the hotel. Gilbert pouted.

"I was just trying to be healthier," Gilbert muttered, mentally cursing his plan on 'acting normal' to convince Ludwig he wasn't doing anything bad.

* * *

Liechtenstein smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress out of habit, the butterflies churning in her stomach. Awesome Advice had been right; Iceland _was_ a very attractive boy. Liechtenstein blushed at the thought. Would it be hard becoming friends with him? Liechtenstein bit her lip. Maybe she was thinking this all too much. Maybe she should try being friends with the people who lived nearby her. Were they any cute boy countries her age nearby her? No… unless you counted Netherlands and France but they were much older than she was and she knew for a fact Switzerland would hate them. Liechtenstein sighed.

"Are you bored?" Switzerland asked her, turning away from giving all the other countries in the room a death glare [he was still suspicious of all of them]. Liechtenstein shook her head.

"No brother… may I go get a cookie?" she asked suddenly, her stomach rumbling ever so slightly. Switzerland thought about for a moment before nodding, turning back to his death glaring and leaving Liechtenstein to get up and go to the refreshment table.

"Are you feeling well, brother?"

"Yes I'm fine. You can go back to your boyfriend now. Also – don't call me that in public. "

"He's not my boyfriend and you are my brother."

"Then what is he then?"

"Stop laughing at me!"

"I can't help it – you, with Denmark of all people!" Liechtenstein looked up to see Iceland and Norway talking nearby her. Liechtenstein blushed, looking away, concentrating on looking for something edible to eat. Everything on the table was horribly French and she wasn't used to such pastries.

"Excuse me, do you know what this is?" a voice said beside her. Liechtenstein turned a darker pink. Norway must've left, if Iceland was standing right beside her! Liechtenstein glanced at the pastry in question.

"Um… I think my brother once gave me this… its called cream horns," Liechtenstein whispered. Iceland made a face.

"Does it taste good?" he asked. Liechtenstein shrugged.

"It is very sweet," she replied, smiling sweetly at him. Iceland blushed. He smiled shyly back at her. Iceland had never met the female nation before and was honestly wishing he knew who she was so he wouldn't feel so awkward around her. He had never met such a pretty girl before…

"Are you done getting food, sister?" a voice said harshly before Iceland's back. Iceland knew that voice. It was the voice that threatened to shoot people if they misbehaved at meetings. Switzerland. Iceland paled.

Liechtenstein beamed at her brother. "Not yet. I was just making friends with Iceland," she said innocently. Iceland turned around to face the other nation. Switzerland glared at Iceland, almost giving him a full assessment. Iceland tried not to feel intimidated.

Switzerland finally grunted, averting his gaze from Iceland, nodding and then walking away. Liechtenstein let out a sigh of relief.

"For a second, I thought he was going to say we couldn't be friends!" Liechtenstein said.

Iceland blinked. "You want to be… friends? With me?" he asked, not believing it. He hadn't expected it to be _this_ easy making friends out of his Scandinavian circle. Liechtenstein beamed.

"Of course!" she said as Iceland smiled back at her.

* * *

"Hello Prussia," a voice purred into Prussia's ear a few minutes after he and Germany entered the meeting room [Italy had attacked Germany with a hug and a 'ti amo' and Prussia was pleased to hear an 'ich liebe dich auch, Italien' from his brother in response]. Prussia felt a shiver go down his back as he turned around to face Belgium. It was common knowledge that as sweet as Belgium was, she was a lot like a female version of France. Prussia smiled at her.

"Hey Belgium – what's up?" he asked casually, as though he didn't know why she had approached him.

"Sucks about your brother," she said conversationally, leaning against the table across from him, looking through her eyelashes at him. Gilbert shrugged.

"Sucks about _your_ brother too," he replied and Belgium giggled.

"I think he kind of deserved it. He told Antonio that when he won he was taking Lovino and dressing him up like a pretty little girl. I think it made him snap," Belgium said through giggles. Prussia smirked.

"Spain's a scary motherfucker when it comes to Romano," Prussia said and Belgium nodded in agreement.

"Speaking of boys and their lovers… I heard you're kinda lonely because all your friends are busy fucking other people," Belgium said. Prussia shrugged.

"Not lonely – the awesome Prussia _never_ gets lonely. I'm just bored, that's all," Prussia said. Belgium grinned.

"As am I. There's no one to drink with anymore and it's _so_ boring," Belgium said, walking towards Prussia. "How about you and me go drinking tonight?" she asked, leaning into Prussia. Prussia grinned. _Damn_ Belgium was hot.

"After the meeting?"

"Of course."

"It's a deal."

Belgium smiled, pressing her body against Prussia. "I'll see _you_ after the meeting," she said before walking to her seat beside the Netherlands.

"Hot _damn_," Prussia said, leaning against the wall.

"I didn't know you and Belgium were friends," a voice said beside Prussia. Prussia glanced over to see Canada staring at him. Prussia shrugged.

"I didn't know you guys were either," he replied.

"I helped her out a few times during the wars," Canada replied with a shrug.

"Wait, so you're talking to me again?" Prussia asked, surprised. Canada rolled his eyes.

"I found out the hard way that without you ruining my life, it's rather boring," Canada replied. Prussia smirked.

"Meaning you were just missing seeing my awesome face practically every day," he said and Canada rolled his eyes.

"You keep telling yourself that," he teased.

"Hey Canada! Come here for a sec – I need you to look this over!" America called from his place at the head of the table. Canada sighed.

"I'll see you later I guess," Canada said beginning to turn away before pausing. "Um… just to let you know – if you're gonna be meeting up with Belgium… be careful. She has a tendency to-"

"Don't worry about me, Matt. If I managed to handle France for all these years – I can handle her," Prussia replied. Canada didn't seem convinced but walked away regardless.

* * *

"And _then_ I asked him what he was doing with those pictures of little girls and he turned all red and that's when I _knew_ that he was gonna jack off to 'em!" Belgium – or Elise, as she informed him, said. Gilbert burst out laughing.

"What a creeper! My bruder's got a creepy bdsm fetish – Feliciano found some of his magazines that he hides under his bed and was all, 'Ludwig, why are these people whipping each other?'" Gilbert said before taking another long drink from his beer mug. Going drinking with Elise had been an _awesome_ idea – the two of them spent their time talking about their brothers and just life in general. They spent a good load of time trashing their friends who were now in steady, happy relationships.

Elise laughed. "Wanna know a secret?" she said, words slightly slurred. Elise could hold her alcohol better than most people Gilbert knew, but she wasn't quite as good as Gilbert himself. Three drinks and already she was tipsy.

Gilbert smirked. "Sure," he said, leaning in. Elise's eyes glittered.

"I think Matthew's really cute," she whispered loudly. Gilbert stared at her.

"Matthew? As in… Canada?" Gilbert asked. Elise rolled her eyes.

"Duh! He's adorable," she said.

"Isn't he much younger than you?" Gilbert asked. Elise grinned.

"I love them young. They have more energy," she replied. "But isn't he just the most delicious thing ever?" she asked again.

"Errr… I don't know…" he said, feeling slightly uncomfortable as a certain lecherous glint appeared in Belgium's eyes.

"I'd love to see him without all those baggy clothes he's always wearing," Elise murmured, almost looking like Francis during a Christmas blood spree as she took another drink from her glass. "Another please…" Elise slurred at the bartender. Gilbert felt slightly awkward. "I bet he's still a virgin… oh I _love_ virgins… I love listening to them moan…" She paused, staring at Gilbert with an intense look that made him squirm awkwardly. "Are _you_ a virgin?" she asked.

"I need to make a call," Gilbert announced, standing up. It was creepy enough listening to Elise go on about a _friend_ of Gilbert's like that without being asked if he were a virgin. Gilbert did not want to imagine Matthew naked, thank you very much. Gilbert did not want to be questioned about his purity either. Gilbert just wanted to get drunk. He decided to go call Ludwig and ask for a ride home before Elise started going all creeper and tried to rape him.

The washroom in the bar was disgusting – not that Gilbert noticed, anyways. He pulled out his phone and called the first number that came up in his contacts.

"Gilbert? Why are you calling at midnight?" a sleepy voice said on the other line. Gilbert frowned. He may have been just a little bit drunk but he knew that that definitely _wasn't_ Ludwig.

"West?"

"No… this is Matthew."

"Oh. I guess I must've called you instead of Ludwig, whoops. Hehehehe."

"Are you drunk?"

"Kind of?"

"You're with Belgium, aren't you?"

"…"

"… Gilbert? You there?"

"…SAVE ME."

"From what?"

"BELGIUM. I THINK SHE WANTS TO RAPE YOU. SHE'S BEEN GOING ON ABOUT HOW YOU MIGHT LOOK NAKED AND IT'S CREEPY. NOW SHE'S TRYING TO GET INTO MY PANTS and while that would be kinda awesome I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH A CHICK WHO WANTS TO FUCK ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS BECAUSE THAT'S JUST CREEPY AND-"

"Stop yelling!"

"I'M NOT YELLING!"

"Uh... Gilbert, your voice is echoing, wherever you are."

"Oh. Can you come pick me up?"

Gilbert heard a sigh. "Fine. Where are you?" Matthew asked after a pause.

"The bar."

"The one you always go to when you're in France?"

"Hehe that sounds so dirty."

"You really are drunk, eh? Alright, I'll be there in a few."

* * *

"You're so strong for a runt," Gilbert slurred, throwing his arms around Matthew's neck as Matthew helped him out of the passenger's seat. While waiting for Matthew to return he had found a place away from Elise and continued to drink until he was extremely drunk. He had thrown up a total of three times during the car ride. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"Years of hockey," Matthew replied as he half-carried Gilbert into the hotel he was staying in. "What room are you in?" he asked. Gilbert blinked a few times.

"The German room!" Gilbert announced, giggling. "Or is it the Awesome room? I don't know – THE AWESOME GERMAN ROOM!" he yelled out, pumping a fist in the air. Matthew winced; that had been right in his ear.

"Excusez-moi monsieur? Quelle chambre est la famille de Beilschmidt dans?" Matthew asked the receptionist, who had been wrinkling his nose at Gilbert's drunken state. The receptionist directed his gaze at Matthew, who flushed at his lack of proper French. Was it his fault that Canadian/Quebec French was far different than the French spoken in France? Ok wait, maybe it was – but there was no need for the condescending look coming from the receptionist!

"405," came the answer, in complete English. Flushing, Matthew thanked the receptionist and dragged Gilbert to the elevators.

"_Ach gott bruder wo-_" Ludwig began to say after opening the door anxiously to see Matthew and Gilbert. Ludwig froze, staring at Gilbert.

"_Guten morgen, bruder~~~~_" Gilbert sang out happily. Matthew sighed.

"H-he got d-drunk and called m-me thinking he was c-calling you for a r-ride," Matthew explained as Ludwig helped the Canadian get Gilbert into the room. Ludwig sighed.

"I'm sorry about my brother, Al-Matthew. He has the annoying tendency to be—"

"It's a-alright. I've c-come to be used to t-these sort of things. Comes w-with being r-related to Francis, A-Arthur and A-Alfred, eh?"

"Still. I apologize on behalf of my brother," Ludwig said, taking Gilbert from Matthew and helping him into his bed. Matthew smiled.

"It's a-alright," he said. "I m-might as well get to bed myself t-though – Alfred's p-probably wondering what the h-hell I'm doing going to a b-bar at 3 in the m-morning," he added before walking out of the room. Ludwig watched him go. Germany remembered fighting against the younger nation before in the wars. How could someone so gentle and kind as Canada be so terrifying in battle? Ludwig shuddered. Maybe he _wasn't_ completely comfortable around Matthew just yet. He could work on that.

"Isn't today such a pretty day?" Gilbert sang out from his spot on his bed. Ludwig sighed. He doubted he would be getting any sleep before catching the early flight back to Germany. Perhaps he could sleep on the flight. Gilbert rolled around happily on the bed. Ludwig stared at his older brother. Gilbert always _did_ act very odd when drunk [Ludwig doubted he acted the same when intoxicated]. Ludwig frowned. He was very sure that Gilbert was doing something suspicious, although what, Ludwig had no idea. "I saw Japan with Sweden and Finlaaaandddd… they were playing with their cute wittle doggiessssss – I guess Japan didn't kidnap themmm afffterrrr allll – I'm soooo good at adviiiiceeee…." Gilbert giggled before blacking out.

Wait, what? Ludwig stared at his unconscious brother. Advice? Gilbert gave out advice? "Awesome advice," Ludwig whispered, staring at his brother in utter horror.

* * *

"Guess what Liet?" Poland said excitedly as he joined Lithuania [and Belarus, but Poland chose to ignore her] in the lobby. He accidently pushed some kid as he made his way to Lithuania, but he didn't really care. Kid shouldn't have been standing in the way anyways.

"What?" Lithuania asked. Poland almost frowned; ever since Lithuania [_his_ best friend] and Belarus had become friends, Lithuania seemed to be much happier. It was _weird_ – how could someone as creepy and scary as Belarus make Lithuania so happy?

"Remember that bitchy secretary I told you about?"

"The one who worked for your boss?"

"Yup! My boss totally fired her today!"

"… Poland, please tell me you had nothing to do with this."

"Well…"

"You need a haircut," Belarus said suddenly, tugging at Lithuania's hair. Poland made a noise in protest.

"Like, Liet's hair is totally _in_ this season so he _can't_ cut it!" Poland informed her. Belarus frowned.

"It is shaggy and unbecoming," Belarus said. Lithuania sighed. He could sense an argument coming.

* * *

Sealand frowned, staring at the other nations all clustered together in the lobby. Mr. Honda had come again with his pets to play with Hanatamago and Mama had told him to go get Hanatamago's leash [in case she ran off in her excitement]. This was Sealand's chance.

Somebody pushed him from behind. Sealand turned to glare at them before noticing it was Poland, a friend of a brother of Mama's friend, Estonia. Poland [and his cross-dressing tendencies] kind of scared Sealand. He turned back so he could avoid talking to the Pole.

Was that a girl? Oh wait no, that was just cousin Norway with cousin Iceland.

"Why do you keep asking me to call you brother?" cousin Iceland demanded. Sealand fought back a grin – Mama had told him about how cousin Norway wanted cousin Iceland to call him brother, even though cousin Iceland didn't want to. Sealand really didn't understand why – it wasn't like cousin Norway was a mean older brother, like Jerk England…

"Because I don't feel like it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I promised Liechtenstein I'd see her before we left!" cousin Iceland said irritably. Sealand scowled; even his cousin managed to get a girlfriend! It wasn't fair!

"Would you _please_ call me brother?" cousin Norway asked suddenly. Sealand wondered if cousin Iceland would listen; please _was_ a magic word…

"Fine. Brother, will you excuse me so I can see Liechtenstein?" cousin Iceland said before running off, not even waiting for cousin Norway's reply. Sealand thought cousin Norway was pleased; in his odd, stoic sort of way. Now, back to his mission.

He scowled, staring intently at all the nations. They were all men, much to his disappointment. No girls.

"Urgh, stupid headache," a voice muttered nearby Sealand. Sealand turned; it had been a girl's voice.

Belgium pressed her fingers against her temples, wishing she hadn't drank so much. Pity Gilbert had left so early though; a nice fuck would've made the hangover better. It was a good thing her brother had been at the bar [sulking about the match, _still_] and decided to take her back home before she did something stupid.

"Hey you!" a voice said near her elbow. Belgium winced at the loud voice before looking down. A boy dressed in a little sailor's outfit was staring up at her. "You! You're pretty – wanna be my girlfriend?" he asked. Belgium blinked.

"Me? Your girlfriend?" she asked. The boy nodded. Belgium noticed he had atrociously large eyebrows like England. Perhaps this was the Sealand England was always complaining about at meetings?

"Apparently I have to have a girlfriend so I can have babies!" Sealand said. Belgium knelt down so she could be at eye level with the boy. She found it cute that the little boy wanted her to be his girlfriend. Belgium knew she liked to say she liked them young – but not _that_ young. It was time to let him off gently.

"I'm afraid in most countries that's considered illegal," she said, feeling guilty as Sealand's face fell.

"How am I supposed to have babies if I have no girlfriend?" he demanded. Belgium thought for a second.

"Well you know… I _do_ have a little sister who's around your age," she remarked. Sealand's eyes lit up.

"Really? What's her name?" he asked eagerly.

"Luxembourg – but you can call her Lexie if you want. Or Lena – that's her real name," Belgium said. Luxembourg was 11 – was Sealand around that age?

"Where is she? I wanna meet her!" Sealand demanded. Belgium fought the urge to roll her eyes. Yup, Luxembourg would totally like Sealand. He was just her type.

"I think she's with our brother Netherlands…" it suddenly dawned on Belgium what she had said. Her little [girl] sister was with her older [creepy pedophilic] brother. Oh God. "Crap – how about I show you her right now? Let's go!" she exclaimed, grabbing Sealand by the arm and dragging him towards the entrance, hangover temporarily forgotten.

Sealand grinned. He was finally getting a girlfriend!

* * *

**A/N: And so the plot thickens as Germany begins to suspect that Prussia is behind Awesome Advice. Before I get to the story notes, I would like to announce that there are 4 written omakes, 3 more real chapters and an epilogue left in this story. I'm sad that this story is ending because the response it's gotten is _awesome_ but all good things must come to an end and besides - I'm losing drive to write D: The next chapter will be the last time I will be taking advice problems and the last time Gilbert will be answering those emails. Take that as you will. I'll be posting omake four tomorrow and omake five the day after instead of mass posting. I think people might've missed the last real chapter because of mass posting ._.**

**In other news, because this story is ending [:'(], I have put up a poll on my profile to see which story I should write next. The story summaries are on my profile as well. I have written at least 8 chapters each for 3 of the stories there - it'll be interesting to see which story you think I should write next. Please vote since it's you who will be reading the new story :D I'll be announcing which story I'll be writing next at the epilogue along with a sneak preview :D The poll will close the day after the epilogue is posted, I'm not quite sure when that will be at this moment. **

**Oh and before I forget - just as a reminder, Awesome Advice only accepts 'advice problems' from canon characters - no OC nations I'm afraid. I don't want to ruin the original creator's idea of their OC nation D: As well - if you don't see your advice here in this chapter or in any other chapter, it is because I either received another email from someone else from the same nation or because the email doesn't correlate with the story universe - say in an omake or real chapter I mention that... Estonia and Hong Kong are in a relationship [LOL CRACK PAIRINGS FTW]. I can't write a chapter with Estonia talking about having a crush on Latvia because it doesn't work with what's been mentioned before. I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Good lord, I sound so serious in this. Time for the story notes!**

**Goddammit I was hoping on making this shorter than the other ones. . Too many things to announce I'm afraid. I'll try and keep the story notes short. **

**Drunk!Germany was lamenting about winning third place in FIFA and losing to Spain. Prussia and Belgium are talking about Spain's win over Netherlands in the finals yesterday [anyone watch it? WASN'T IT EPIC? YESS SPAIN (L)] Belgium's comment about Netherlands telling Spain he was going to dress Romano like a pretty little girl is my own headcanon reason why Netherlands lost C:**

**Just for the record, Sealand in this is 12, Liechtenstein is 14-16 and Iceland's 16/17 [Norway's 18/19, Denmark's 21-23 and Finland and Sweden are in their mid-twenties, a year after the other]. Just adding that here in case people were wondering why Liechtenstein and Iceland went together instead of Liechtenstein and Sealand. Liechtenstein seemed too mature for 12 in my mind so I put her with Iceland. Another note - yes, Luxembourg is a girl in this. I usually think of Luxembourg as an 11 year old boy, but a girl fit better with what I wanted to write x] **

**Reviews give Sealand those babies he want so badly. **


	15. Omake Four

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

I am a very stressed person working for a very scary boss. For visualization, I'm short and he's tall. Frigteningly tall. Because of my boss's utterly intimidating disposition, I am often reduced to heavy drinking. (40 cups is my best!) Although, I do find that very unhealthy and would like to grow a little taller, just a little. But I just can't quit! Help me!

Sincerely,

_Shaking Novelist_

Poor kid. Gilbert shook his head at his laptop. Obviously, Latvia needed some serious help if at his age he was drinking more than Gilbert and Ludwig combined and was as tall as Peter.

_Dear SN, _

_Instead of drinking alcohol, drink milk. Then, go get yourself a shrink. Ha, I made a pun. Anyways, once you get your issues sorted out – go talk to Russia. With Lithuania and Estonia nearby. And maybe even Ukraine. _

_Good luck!_

_Awesome_

_

* * *

_

"I-I d-don't think I s-s-should be doing t-t-this…" Latvia whimpered as Lithuania and Estonia pushed him into Russia's office. Ukraine gave the boy a weak smile from her spot at the window as Latvia trembled towards Russia.

"Hello Latvia. How are you?" Russia said, not looking up. Latvia gulped. _Secretly Russia is a nice guy… secretly Russia _is_ a nice guy…_

"N-n-not g-good…" Latvia whispered. He could practically hear Estonia's and Lithuania's heartbeats increasing for fear of their younger friend. He quickly made a prayer to God Almighty, begging for forgiveness.

"And why is that?" Russia asked, his violet eyes looking up and resting on Latvia. Latvia swayed slightly. He wanted nothing more than to drop dead on the floor.

"I-I-I'm scared," Latvia whispered. Russia cocked his head to the side.

"Of what?" Russia asked, a slightly darker expression appearing on his face. Ukraine bit back a cry of terror and felt her eyes brim up. Poor little Latvia – forced to explain to her little brother why he was so scared and she couldn't do anything to help him!

"O-of… o-of…" Latvia paled. He couldn't do it! He just couldn't! "I-I am s-scared that y-you will n-not remember m-me now that y-you are w-with m-m-mister America…" He didn't even have to say anymore. The moment America's name was mentioned Russia visibly calmed down.

"Do not fear little Latvia. Because you are one with Russia I will always remember you," Russia said with a warm smile. Latvia's eyes widened [Lithuania had to help Estonia stop choking and Ukraine's tears finally spilled]. Was Russia being _nice_?

"T-thank y-you s-sir," Latvia said quickly before high-tailing it out of the office, past his brothers and into the safety of his house. Russia hadn't killed him! Latvia was still alive! It was time to rejoice by drinking some milk! But wait…_because you are one with Russia I will always remember you…_ Latvia paled. "O-one with R-Russia?" He collapsed into a dead faint.

He should've guessed there was a catch.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Latvia. There is a crack version of this omake because I recieved two emails about the same thing x] It shall be up tomorrow. Hopefully I will remember. **

**Reviews revive Latvia.**


	16. Omake Five

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

Help me, mon ami! You see, Angle- er Arthur, is a bit...violent. He truly aspires to be me and to beat me everything, d'accord? But he is just so violent with me sometimes; it hurts my heart (and other parts) so very much! How can I get him to show me the kinder side, s'il vous plait? The blushingly adorable side that will not try to impale me with a magic wand in his spare  
time!

Avec amour,

_Monsieur Tres Bien_

Gilbert's left eyebrow rose in amusement. For someone who claimed to be good at 'amour' and the like, Francis was oddly dense when it came to matters with a certain British man.

_Dear MTB, _

_You want him to show you the kinder side? The side that _doesn't_ want to hurt you? Hmmm well let's see, how about being nice to him and not harassing him at every chance you get? That could be a start. Maybe if you're nicer to him he'll be nicer to you. _

_Can't be 100% sure about it though, Arthur seems like a tricky dude who probably pms's like a bitch. So good luck with that. _

_~Awesome

* * *

_

Arthur stared at Francis incredulously. Something was wrong with the man, that Arthur was sure of. It had been four hours since his boss had met up with Francis's boss and the Frenchman had not copped a feel for Arthur's arse nor did he make some sexual comment. Arthur wondered if Francis was ill.

"_Angleterre_, why are you staring at me so?" Francis asked politely. Arthur waited. There was no conceited remark about how Arthur must be secretly lusting for Francis due to his staring – not that he was. He wasn't secretly lusting for Francis. Arthur cleared his throat.

"Are you feeling alright?" Arthur asked. Francis blinked.

"_Oui,_ of course I am," Francis replied. "Are you?" Arthur frowned.

"Of course I am – I'm not the one acting weird!" Arthur replied indignantly. "It's you!" Francis's left eyebrow rose.

"I am?" Francis asked, completely perplexed.

"Why aren't you being a total pervert? Why aren't you making crude comments? Goddammit why are you not making fun of my cooking?" Arthur howled. Francis frowned.

"I was told that if I were nicer to you, you'd be kinder back." Arthur truly had no response to that. Francis smiled as Arthur blushed a pretty pink and looked away. "_Cher_…" Francis began before Arthur made a noise of triumph.

"I KNEW IT!" he exclaimed, standing up and waggling his finger at Francis. "YOU WERE JUST PRETENDING, WEREN'T YOU? I BET YOU WERE WAITING FOR ME TO LOWER MY GUARD SO YOU COULD RAPE ME!" Francis sighed.

"Ah well I tried," he said finally, standing up. "Goodbye Arthur. I realize now that it is hopeless to get you to be nice to me. Farewell." Arthur blinked as Francis began to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Arthur asked in confusion. Francis paused to face Arthur.

"Home. There isn't any point of me staying here if all I'm going to do is infuriate you," Francis said as he walked away. He sighed. He knew that it was going to be difficult to get Arthur to be nice to him [they had been enemies for too long] and yet it disappointed him all the same. He really would've liked to have become closer to Arthur… get to know that sweet adorable side… Francis sighed.

Arthur watched Francis walk away feeling ever so slightly guilty. What the hell was up with Francis?

"Perhaps he really meant what he was saying?" Violet said nearby his head. Arthur scowled.

"The frog never means anything he says," Arthur shot back. Violet landed on his shoulder.

"He seemed very sad," Violet said nervously. Arthur bit his lip. The fairy did have a point…

"Stupid frog," Arthur muttered, grabbing his keys.

* * *

Such a beautiful day. If Francis had more energy, he would go out to find some beautiful man or woman to bring back home.

"Perhaps tomorrow," he said quietly to himself, sipping on his wine. The sun was just about to set and Francis leaned against the balcony, drinking in the splendour as pink, orange and red swirled together in the sky.

"Oi you! Frog!" Francis did not appreciate being interrupted. Looking down however, he saw that it was Arthur and his mood improved drastically.

"_Oui Angleterre_? Have you come to apologize?" Francis called out to the Englishman. Even from high up on the balcony, he could see Arthur scowl.

"Here!" he shouted, hurling something at the Frenchman. Francis braced for something like a grenade or perhaps one of Arthur's stone-hard scones. What he got, however, was a bouquet of roses. "Hope you feel better… or whatever the fuck's wrong with you!"

Francis smiled slightly. "Would you like to come inside, _Angleterre_?"

"W-what?"

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry. I lied. I said the crack version of omake 4 would be up today but I realized today was Francis's birthday and I couldn't come up with a story for him so I decided to just upload this. **

**This is set at the very beginning of Awesome Advice. Possibly one of the first emails Gilbert receives. This is what inevitably leads to Francis and Arthur having a secret affair. **

**Reviews give Francis some birthday sex to look forward to! [I admit it, I'm hopelessly addicted to that song ;A;]**

**Bon anniversaire, France!**


	17. Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

As Francis walked into Arthur's living room on July 19th, Gilbert and a few other nations leapt out from random points in the room.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Gilbert and Antonio shouted as they tackled Francis to the ground. Francis stared at them.

"My birthday was last week," Francis informed them, amused as Gilbert and Antonio pulled him to his feet and gave him a hug.

"But we were all busy and shit then so we're celebrating it now! Aren't we awesome?" Gilbert asked as the three of them nearly fell over while attempting to hug.

"No, you're just very bad at setting aside other commitments to celebrate things on the appropriate day," Arthur said as he entered his living room. His eyes narrowed. "Why does it look like you completely trashed my living room?" he asked.

Gilbert laughed. "Oh me and Alfred were having a competition to see who could finish putting streamers up first. I won," Gilbert explained, clapping Francis on the back and leading him to the table where the birthday cake was. Arthur rolled his eyes and Alfred pouted.

"I thought we decided it was a tie!" Alfred exclaimed.

"I lied," Gilbert replied impishly. Francis rolled his eyes at them all as he stood at the table. "Oh and before you go all 'izz zis some sort ov diiisgusting gerrrrman cake?' – Roddy made it. I had to threaten his stupid piano and agree to… help Lizzie out on some shit and he finally agreed to make it," Gilbert explained, pointing at Roderich and Elizaveta who had been chatting with Ludwig and Feliciano. Francis smirked.

"What is darling Elizaveta making you help her with?" he asked and Gilbert shuddered.

"I don't know yet but I really don't want to know," Gilbert replied.

"Can we sing Happy Birthday now?" Alfred asked impatiently. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"Yes, let's. In French," Matthew replied. Alfred pouted at him.

"Aren't we all a bit too old for singing Happy Birthday?" Arthur asked, standing on the other side of Francis. Antonio looked horrified.

"Nobody is too old to sing Happy Birthday, _Arturo_!" Antonio said, scandalized.

Lovino rolled his eyes, extremely grumpy since he had been forced to come to Francis's birthday party by both his brother and his lover. "That's because you're immature, bastard," Lovino replied, sticking his tongue out as Antonio laughed and gave him a hug.

"Can we please hurry this up?" Vash said impatiently. Francis stared at the Swiss man before glancing at Gilbert enquiringly. Gilbert nodded his head towards Heidi and Francis nodded in understanding.

"Vash please its Francis's birthday party – there's no need to get upset!" Elise replied, smiling at him angelically. Gilbert gulped and looked away, still remembering the last time they met. "Let's continue talking about chocolate – it's so fascinating hearing about your Swiss chocolate, it sounds almost as good as my Belgian chocolate!" she replied. Vash looked absolutely shocked.

"My chocolate is far better than yours!" he exclaimed and proceeded to go on a rant about his chocolate and how they were so amazing. Elise leant in interest, listening to Vash's rant with fascination. The Swiss man was extremely interesting, Elise noticed. Perhaps she could get to know him better…?

"Hey Ellie where's your brother?" Antonio called out. Elise frowned. Just as she was about to make her move on Vash too. Elise turned to Antonio.

"He says he doesn't want to be in the same room as you," Elise replied. Antonio frowned.

"That's not very nice," Antonio said quietly to himself. Gilbert snorted.

"Since when has Netherlands been nice to you?" Gilbert asked. Gilbert had a point; the rivalry between the Netherlands and Spain went back far before FIFA.

"Are we going to sing Happy Birthday or not?" Alfred asked again, clearly annoyed that nobody had listened to him.

Matthew sighed in annoyance. "Where's Ivan?" he asked, wondering where the hell the Russian man was, cursing him for leaving Alfred and alone and forcing him to listen to Alfred whine about singing Happy Birthday. Alfred frowned slightly.

"He's not coming. We had… an argument about something," Alfred said quietly. "Can we sing Happy Birthday now?" he asked again, slightly louder this time.

"No. We're just going to cut the cake and open the presents," Arthur replied, handing Francis a knife. "This is from Belarus by the way. Apparently Lithuania and Poland [who both couldn't make it – Poland said something about a sale in some store] insisted she send a present over as well," Arthur added as Francis revelled in the sharp elegance of the knife.

"It's a fine knife," Francis remarked as he cut a small slice of the cake. He picked up a piece and attempted to put it into Arthur's mouth. "Oh come now Arthur let me feed you!" Francis protested.

"But it's not my birthday!" Arthur argued, turning red at how everyone was laughing at them and how Elizaveta was taking pictures of them.

"But it's _my_ birthday party and I insist on feeding you cake!" Francis exclaimed, pushing the piece into Arthur's mouth and kissing him lightly, squeezing the British man's ass and laughing at the squeak Arthur made when he did.

"I don't want my sister seeing such things!" Vash said heatedly, glaring at Francis and Francis let go of Arthur's ass, still smirking at Arthur's extremely red face. Heidi sighed in embarrassment. Sometimes her brother was just too protective.

"Whatever Vash. You need to chill. I want cake now!" Alfred demanded, pushing Arthur away and opening his mouth. Francis chuckled and placed a piece into Alfred's mouth. Alfred made a face. "Ew. Itsh vahiiia," Alfred said though a mouth full of cake. Roderich glared at him from where he was standing.

"Vanilla's a very tasty flavour of cake," Roderich muttered to himself. Elizaveta patted his arm.

"Of course it is, darling," she said soothingly.

"Come _Mathieu_, let papa give you some cake too," Francis called out to Matthew. Matthew blushed and walked forwards, oddly aware that he was being noticed by the other countries that were there.

"Awww look – family moment!" Gilbert teased and Matthew glared at him as Francis fed him a piece of cake. "When are you gonna feed me and Toni?" he demanded as Francis proceeded to feed the rest of his former colonies who Gilbert and Antonio invited to the party. Half the cake was already gone.

"You two can feed yourselves," he said absently, glancing at Gilbert and Antonio quickly. Gilbert and Antonio were pouting at him. Francis sighed, rolling his eyes in amusement. He cut two big pieces of cake and smashed them into Gilbert's and Antonio's faces, watching them look delighted and horrified at the exact same time.

* * *

"That was an awesome party wasn't it?" Gilbert asked Ludwig as they took a quick flight home. Feliciano and Lovino decided to go with Antonio, leaving the German brothers to take the quickest plane to Germany. Ludwig grunted. "Toni and I are so good at planning parties – we should plan birthdays for everyone!" Gilbert continued.

"Of course you should," Ludwig said absently. "I will be right back – I have to go to the washroom," Ludwig said, standing up. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Thanks for letting me know, West. Have a wonderful piss. Be sure to enjoy yourself!" Gilbert shouted as Ludwig walked towards the washroom. As people stared Ludwig wished he had taken a private jet and let Gilbert go on the plane by himself.

Gilbert leaned into his seat, closing his eyes in relaxation. He couldn't wait to go home – Ludwig was planning to visit Feliciano the moment they reached German soil [which made no sense to Gilbert since he could've just gone with Feliciano and the tomato boys] which meant Gilbert would have the house to himself. He couldn't wait to spend the rest of the day doing whatever he wanted… and checking his email. For some odd reason Ludwig was constantly watching whatever Gilbert was doing, making it impossible for him to check his email.

Gilbert fell asleep, not noticing when Ludwig joined him again or when the airplane landed. Ludwig considered letting his brother sleep on the plane and walk away but knew that if he did, Gilbert would murder him. Sighing, he shook his brother awake. Together the two left the airplane and went their separate ways; Ludwig towards Feliciano's house, Gilbert to their own.

As Gilbert ran into his blissfully empty house, he placed Gilbird [who had been hiding in his hair the entire plane ride] down on the couch beside him and turned on his laptop. Might as well take care of the important stuff so he could start relaxing.

_Dear A.A._

__

I have an issue. A guy about my age keeps flirting with me! I don't like him at all, as he thinks he's a nation. He's not! And he says he wants to have kids. It's creeping me out. A lot. How can I tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE?

_AVA [Annoyed. VERY annoyed]_

Gilbert guessed that it was about Sealand – after all, how many kids were there who thought they were nations and wanted kids? Gilbert had no idea which poor kid Sealand was harassing but Gilbert felt bad for her, whoever she is.

_Dear AVA, _

_Got a big brother or sister? Get them to deal with him. _

_~Awesome_

There, problem solved. Gilbert hoped to God for Sealand's sake that the kid's older brother wasn't someone like Russia. _That_ would suck really hard. Ah well, to the next email!

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

I've run into a rough patch with my lover. He discovered that I had spies in his country, (and I know he has spies in mine) but they were just keeping tabs on him for me for when we're not together. Diplomatically things are going well again, but our private relationship is having difficulties. How can I make it up to him? Between you and I, sleeping by myself is not fulfilling.

Become One with Me, Da?

_Or Die_

Whoa, speak of the devil eh? Hmm… he had heard about the whole spy thing from his brother and Matthew. He personally found it all creepy. Why the heck would you sick spies on your boyfriend to keep tabs on him for you when you aren't together? Gilbert snorted. Once a creepy stalker, always a creepy stalker.

_Dear Russia [honestly you're not very good at anonymous shit are you?], _

_You're creepy. Really creepy. And don't mention you sleeping alone. Even though that's funny as fuck, I don't like that instant visual of you and America in a bed together. I'm not a creeper like Hungary._

_Anyways, you want America to forgive you? Buy him some hamburgers and then fuck him. The idiot's got a short attention span – he's probably forgotten it as far as I'm concerned. _

_I'll never become one with you, _

_Awesome _

Gilbird peeped at him and Gilbert picked him up and placed the bird back on his head and turned the TV on. Gilbird kept chirping until Gilbert flipped to Discovery Channel. The yellow bird finally fell silent. Gilbert rolled his eyes; Gilbird always threw a fit until he got to watch his daily dose of animals charging at each other. Anyways, back to the emails.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

__

There's this guy that I suddenly feel attracted to but he has this sister that he keeps obsessing over. Whenever I feel like I'm brave enough to try saying something to him, I feel like I'm going to be shot and so I lose confidence and feel like sulking in a corner. He seems really nice though and I always find myself staring at him and having fantasies running through my head whenever I see him...

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

_-BelgianWafflesPwn_

Gilbert stared at the email, reread it a few times, and then shuddered. Poor Vash. Actually, remembering the bruise Vash had given him with the butt of his gun after Gilbert had been seen talking to Heidi, Gilbert didn't pity him at all.

_Dear BWP, _

_First, ask Heidi to hide her brother's guns temporarily [she's done it before so she can totally do it – maybe promise her some chocolate so she'll agree] and then somehow manage to get him into a room alone with you. A locked room. And then act out your fantasies. _

_Cheers, _

_Awesome_

Gilbert grinned evilly. What Belgium didn't remember, was that she had told Gilbert drunkenly something rather interesting about her. Perhaps it was a bit cruel of Gilbert to sick Belgium on Switzerland, but really, since when has Gilbert ever felt guilty about things like these?

_Awesome Advice,_

__

A long, long, long time ago, me and little brother have big long fight, but I want to be family again. He avoid me and it very awkward. How do I talk to him?

_Signed,_

_Wang Yao_

Gilbert sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

_Dear China, _

_The point of it being 'anonymous' is that you DON'T put your name… what the fuck? I don't even care. _

_I'm guessing you're talking about Japan? Knowing you two, you guys have just let it be and let yourselves to be awkward around each other. Have you even tried talking to him? You never know, he might want to reconcile with you too. _

_Peace, _

_Awesome_

Now then, onto the next email.

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_Remember me? I need your help again. I've suddenly realized that even if I confessed to my crush that I like him, my family might not approve of him. What do I do?_

_Sincerely, _

_Loveless Friend_

Gilbert blinked. Loveless Friend! It had been weeks since he had received an email from his secret admirer.

_Dear LF, _

_Well, I highly doubt your family would not approve of him – he sounds like a pretty awesome dude. Just warn them beforehand so they're prepared? _

_~Awesome_

Almost moments later he received another email.

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_Hmmm, good idea. Perhaps I'll try that! Thanks!_

_Sincerely, _

_Loveless Friend_

Gilbert frowned at the email.

_Dear LF, _

_Well now that I think of it, I don't even know who your family _is_. What if you're like, Belarus or something? I can't make a proper judgement on how to approach your family with your crush unless I know who your family is. _

_~Awesome_

The reply came a minute later.

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_Nice try. _

_Sincerely, _

_Loveless Friend_

Dammit. Gilbert glared at the email. Whoever his secret admirer was, he was a sneaky bastard. Gilbird suddenly started chirping. Gilbert glanced at the time and realized that the Friends marathon was about to start. He glanced at his inbox and saw one last email. He'd answer that one quickly and then tune into the marathon.

_Dear Awesome Advice_

__

I was so close to winning that World Cup! Dammit! About 5 mins was left! Fucking Spanish bastard! I've always hated that man. And this World Cup just added to my list of why I hate him so much. I'm still so bitter about this. I know weeks have passed. But I was so close! It is so infuriating! I never even expected him to win against Germany! I expected it to be a match against me and Germany like in 1974.

What should I do to release all these anger towards that Spanish bastard?

_-Oranje._

Hmmm. This would be slightly difficult since Gilbert would rather Netherlands didn't attack Antonio. Gilbird chirped again. Oh crap, only a minute until the marathon started!

_Dear Oranje, _

_Just take your anger out on someone else – maybe someone'll piss you off or your sis off and you can attack them. Don't hurt Spain – Romano does that enough. _

_Later, _

_Awesome_

And send with seconds to spare! Gilbert shut down his laptop quickly and put it down beside him and flipped to the channel showing the marathon before lying down on the couch in relaxation.

Oh Rachel, Ross, Joey, Chandler, Monica and Phoebe. How Gilbert had missed you all. Gilbert grinned as the show's theme song began to play. It was rather catchy; maybe he would download it-

Gilbert heard a noise behind him. Footsteps. He sat up as Gilbird flew out of his hair. "Who the fuck-" he began to say before being knocked out unconscious.

The last thing he remembered was seeing a frying pan.

* * *

"Hello Heidi," Belgium said cheerfully to the other girl as she walked down the sidewalk. Heidi looked up from her flowers and cocked her head to the side.

"Hello Elise!" she said cheerfully, abandoning her gardening to run up to the older woman. "What are you doing here?" she asked curiously. Elise smiled.

"I was in France just doing some sightseeing and I thought, 'hey, let's go visit darling little Heidi'," Elise replied. Heidi beamed.

"Really? That's very kind of you!" Heidi exclaimed, taking Elise by the hand and dragging her into the house.

"Does your brother live with you?" Elise asked curiously, looking around. Heidi shook her head, much to Elise's surprise. For such a young looking girl [she barely looked older than Luxembourg!], Elise hadn't realized she would be living alone.

"But he visits a lot!" Heidi replied, sitting down beside Elise on her couch. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked hospitably. Elise smiled.

"That's very kind of you but no, I don't. I actually have a favour to ask of you, if it isn't too hard for you to do," Elise said uncertainly.

"What is it?" Heidi asked curiously.

Elise opened her mouth to say it and then blushed, shaking her head. No, she couldn't ask Heidi to hide Vash's guns so she could… even thinking about it made her blush! She wouldn't be able to go through with it – she couldn't.

"Um… how are you and Iceland?" she asked, changing the subject. Heidi turned a little pink.

"He's very sweet. We went to the park yesterday and ate liquorice," Heidi informed her. "But what were you going to ask me?" she asked curiously.

"I can't," Elise said, standing up. "I have to go," she said, already walking away.

"Wait! You can't go without telling me!" Heidi protested, eyes widening. Crap, those eyes. Elise felt herself melting from the cute.

"I like your brother," she blurted out, covering her mouth in horror. Heidi beamed.

"You _do_?" she asked eagerly. Elise nodded mutely. "That's wonderful! I always thought brother was rather lonely – guns and Eiger, Jungfrau, and Mönch can't possibly be very entertaining. Do you want me to help you get together with him?" she asked.

Elise blushed. "Yes actually… would you be able to keep him away from his guns for at least an hour or two? I'd feel more comfortable telling him knowing that he won't shoot me," she admitted. To her surprise, Heidi nodded.

"I can most definitely do that. We'll have to go to Japan though – that's where he is right now. Kiku's helping him… find someone," Heidi said, blushing. "I'm sure Kiku can help us too!" Elise let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you Heidi," she said as the two girls walked to the door. "I'll let you get ready for our little trip," she said, opening the front door. "I'll meet you at your airport with my things – including some Belgian chocolate to thank you for helping me," she added with a wink.

Heidi beamed and waved goodbye as Elise walked away. While Elise could be rather scary when it came to younger men, Heidi rather liked the Belgian woman. She was nice and funny and made good chocolate. The way Mr. France had settled down and become a nice gentleman the moment he got together with Mr. England, Heidi was sure Elise would become the same way when she got together with Heidi's brother. Heidi ran upstairs to start packing.

She couldn't wait to see Elise and Vash together!

* * *

"What the… what the fuck happened?" Gilbert muttered, looking around in confusion, his head throbbing.

"Oh good, you're awake," a voice said cheerfully from another side of the room. Gilbert turned his head, wincing as he did so to face Hungary. He should've guessed that his abductor had been Hungary.

"You," he growled. Elizaveta laughed cheerfully.

"Yes me," she said, walking up to him.

"Where am I?" he demanded, standing up. As he did, he felt a slight breeze between his legs. Gilbert blanched. Was he naked or something? He looked down and saw-

"Yes, that is a French maid's outfit, in case you're wondering," Elizaveta said. "Look up for a sec?" she said and Gilbert looked up. _Click_. Gilbert was temporarily blinded as Elizaveta took a few pictures of him.

"Delete those _now_," Gilbert demanded. Elizaveta shook her head, grinning.

"Nope. I think I'm going to send these to the entire world," she said cheerfully.

"Get me out of this," Gilbert said, tugging on the dress.

"Don't do that! You'll rip it," Elizaveta said, slapping his hand off of the dress.

"Why am I wearing this anyways?" Gilbert asked.

Elizaveta grinned. "You owe me and Roddy for that cake don't you? Well, I remember that our friend Kiku Honda is looking for a new maid after the last one quit so I thought 'hey why not help a friend out while getting debts paid and humiliate you as well' and that is why we're in Japan," she concluded, sweeping her hand around to showcase the room they were in. Gilbert glared at her.

"No way," Gilbert growled. "I'll even come with you on your creeper sprees and take pictures of random guys fucking rather than do this," he told her. Elizaveta frowned at the 'creeper sprees'.

"No I'd rather see you as a maid," Elizaveta said. "Now, Kiku has his brother over for a visit and they are expecting their tea, which is right here," she said, handing him a tray of tea. "Make you don't spill it. They're in the last room to your right down the hallway," she informed him.

"What if I refuse to do this and throw the tea at you?" he asked challengingly. Elizaveta grinned sadistically.

"I'll convince you to do it with my frying pan," she said, brandishing her weapon. Gilbert eyed it warily and stood up.

"I really hate you," he told her as he exited the room. Elizaveta beamed at him.

"I love you too, Gilbert!" she said cheerily.

Gilbert balanced the tray in his hands as he walked towards the room Elizaveta had directed him towards. The breeze going past his thighs was insanely uncomfortable and walking in those awkward heels – worse. Gilbert had no idea how girls managed it on a daily basis. The fishnet stockings were kind of itchy. Every step Gilbert took, he cursed Elizaveta more and more. All he had tried to was celebrate a friend's birthday decently and she knocks him out, kidnaps him, sends him to Japan and dresses him in a stupid outfit and forces him to play maid to Japan and whoever his visitor was.

"Brother… we need to talk aru about…" Gilbert heard as he approached the door. Was that China?

"Talk about?" Japan's voice was heard as Gilbert attempted to figure out how to open the door without dropping the tray. He finally settled on kicking the door a few times to get the men's attention.

"What was that aru?" China said abruptly.

"I believe it came from the door," Japan said and Gilbert could hear Japan's footsteps nearing the door. Gilbert gulped. Almost time for his debut. As the door opened, Japan looked confused.

"Hey," Gilbert said gruffly, hoping to God he wasn't blushing.

"…Prussia-san?" Japan asked tentatively.

"Owed Elizaveta. Said you needed a new maid. Don't ask," Gilbert said firmly. Japan smiled and blushed slightly.

"Of course, do come in please," Japan said politely. Gilbert shrugged.

"She just told me to give you this," he said, handing Japan the tray. "Enjoy," he said, turning away.

Japan watched the Prussian walk away. He shook his head in amusement and turned back to China, who had been watching the exchange curiously.

"Apparently Hungary-chan thought that it would be funny to make Prussia-san my maid for a short amount of time to pay her back for something," Japan explained as he set the tray of tea between the two men. China took one cup and took a small sip. "Now, what was the purpose of your visit?" Japan asked, still just as formally. China scowled.

"This is why I came aru!" China said in frustration. Japan looked confused.

"What do you mean, nii-san?" Japan asked.

"Why are we so formal to each other? We are brothers! Because of one fight long ago we are unable to treat each other like brothers anymore – I don't like it!" China fumed at Japan. Japan blinked, surprised.

"I never knew you felt such a way nii-sa… Yao-nii," Japan said hesitantly, lowering his eyes from China. China smiled, pleased. "Forgive me. It would be smart of us to forgive and forget past events and move on with the future," Japan continued.

China smiled. "Of course. Now… I hear Yong Soo's been annoying you lately?" he asked. Japan looked up and smiled back.

"He's been going around claiming that several things that I made were from Korea…" Japan began to say and China laughed.

Things between them finally were resolved.

* * *

"Excuse me Miss but is Mr. Honda busy right now?" a voice said tentatively behind Prussia as he swept the entrance. Gilbert growled, turning around, fully expecting to give the owner of the voice a piece of his mind until he realized who it was.

"Heidi?" he asked, slightly horrified. Heidi stared at him, surprised. Elise, who was standing behind the younger girl, smirked. "T-this isn't… Elizaveta made me do it!" he exclaimed, blushing deeply. Was Japan really that popular? Wasn't he some sort of semi-hermit or something? Didn't West tell Gilbert that Kiku spent a lot of time holed up in his room? Why the hell were so many people visiting him?

"Oh. Um… is he busy?" Heidi said, turning red in embarrassment. Or perhaps from holding her laughter in, Gilbert wasn't quite sure.

"Uh he's talking to China right now," Gilbert said absently, twirling his broom.

"Do you know where my brother is?" Heidi asked. Gilbert froze.

"Your brother is here too?" Gilbert asked in horror. Shit… what, was this International Visit Japan Day? Why wasn't Gilbert notified of this?

"Yes, he came to ask Kiku something," Heidi said. Gilbert frowned.

"I guess I'll have to ask. Uh… hold up I'll go ask Kiku," Gilbert said handing the broom to Heidi and walking away. He stumbled slightly from the heels and flushed at Elise's playful laugh.

"Whenever that happens I usually tell my boss that I'm off to buy more Shinatty-chan toys and leave before he can tell me to do more," Gilbert heard China say as he approached the room.

Gilbert knocked a few times. "Hey Japan – it's me," Gilbert said.

"One second please, Yao-nii," Japan said, walking over to the door and opening the door. "Yes, Prussia-san?" he asked.

"Liechtenstein and Belgium are here. They're looking for Switzerland – you know where he is?" Gilbert asked.

"Liechtenstein and Belgium…? Ah yes, Heidi called me to tell me she was coming. I shall see to them right now," Japan said, turning back to China. "I shall be back in a few moments; I need to talk to Liechtenstein-chan and Belgium-san," Japan said. China nodded and Japan walked away. Gilbert and China stared at each other.

"What is it that you did to Miss Hungary to make her do that to you?" China asked curiously. Gilbert growled.

"I asked her pansy husband to make a cake for France's birthday," Gilbert replied. China nodded.

"It was a delicious cake," China said. Gilbert reluctantly agreed. Roderich may have been a pansy, but he knew how to make a cake.

Japan arrived a few minutes later. "May you please escort Liechtenstein-chan and Belgium-san to the room across from here? That is where Liechtenstein's brother is staying. He is not here at the moment but they would like to wait for him there. When you see Switzerland-san you will inform them of his arrival," Japan instructed. Gilbert nodded and walked back to the entrance.

"Follow me," Gilbert said dully. Liechtenstein and Belgium dutifully followed him down the hallway and into the room.

"Thank you Gilbert!" Heidi said cheerfully, skipping into the room and looking around, clearly looking for something.

"Yes… thank you," Elise said politely as she walked in. She paused in front of Gilbert. "I like your outfit," she whispered to him, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand. She smiled, winked, and joined Heidi. Gilbert backed out of the room and pulling off his high heels, ran as far as he could from the room and the seductive Belgian woman.

* * *

Ivan rolled over in bed, nuzzling into the neck of his lover. Alfred grinned and faced the Russian man.

"Last night was fun, da?" Ivan asked and Alfred blushed, remembering certain things.

"Y-yes it was," Alfred said.

"Are you still mad at me?" Ivan asked. Alfred gaped at the Russian.

"Are you kidding me? I forgave you ages ago!" Alfred told him.

"That is good," Ivan said, leaning in to kiss the American. His violet eyes wandered down Alfred's body and grinned wickedly. "Shall we continue last night?" he asked, an eyebrow raised. Alfred grinned back.

"Well… since you asked," Alfred murmured, pulling Ivan closer to him.

Yes, things were alright between America and Russia.

* * *

"Who are you?" a voice said brashly as Gilbert continued to sweep. Gilbert grimaced.

"Hey. I'm Japan's temporary maid by force," Gilbert said dully, turning to Vash. Vash blanched the moment he realized who he was talking to.

"W-what is – what is the meaning of this?" Vash said horrified. "If I had my gun with you I would shoot you!" he exclaimed. Gilbert's left eyebrow rose.

"You didn't bring a gun with you... wherever you went?" Gilbert asked. Vash shrugged.

"Japan advised it would not be smart of me to," he replied, beginning to walk past the Prussian. Gilbert put his hand out to block him.

"Hold up I need to tell your visitors that you've arrived," Gilbert replied. Vash looked confused.

"What visitors?" he demanded.

"Just hold up," Gilbert said, walking back to the room. He stared at the two women digging through various drawers and the closet, a pile of guns in a corner. "Your brother is here," Gilbert said. Heidi gasped in horror.

"We're not done yet!" she exclaimed.

"Gilbert be a dear and distract him for a bit please?" Belgium said, looking slightly worried. Gilbert rolled his eyes and stomped back to Vash, noting with some accomplishment that he hadn't fallen or lost his balance at all. He was rather proud of himself until realizing that guys shouldn't even know how to walk in heels.

"Well?" Vash demanded as Gilbert neared.

"So, what d'you do in Japan?" Gilbert asked conversationally. Vash glared at him.

"Can I go to my room now?" Vash asked.

"Answer my question first."

"I went sightseeing on Japan's request. He said I needed to relax," Vash said irritably.

"You don't sound too relaxed," Gilbert remarked.

"Talking to idiots like you annoy me," Vash replied rudely.

"Now that wasn't very nice of you."

"I don't care. I'm going to my room," Vash said, trying to shove Gilbert out of the way. Gilbert tripped on his heels and tumbled to the ground, dragging Vash to the ground. Vash fell down beside him with a loud thump. He gave the Prussian a murderous look.

"Brother?" a voice asked. Both men looked up to see Heidi holding a large suitcase.

"Heidi what are you doing here?" Vash demanded. Heidi blushed.

"I came to see you – I missed you," she said. "But Japan told me Taiwan was visiting and was feeling rather lonely in her hotel room so I'm going to visit her," Heidi said.

"Why are you carrying that suitcase?" he asked.

"Just some toys to play with," Heidi said innocently and Gilbert had to hand it to her; she was good at fooling her brother. Gilbert highly doubted she was still playing with toys like a 5 year old but Vash seemed to believe it.

"Alright then. Have fun," Vash said gruffly. Heidi glanced at Gilbert and nodded discretely before walking away. Gilbert supposed he was allowed to send Vash back to his room.

Vash turned and stared at Gilbert. Gilbert stared back. "What are you looking at?" he asked.

"Aren't you going to ask me annoying questions?" Vash asked.

"No… just go to your room, weirdo," Gilbert said, turning away and continuing to sweep. Vash stared at him incredulously before stomping away, muttering something about stupid Germans. "HEY I HEARD THAT – IT'S _PRUSSIAN_!" Gilbert shouted in Vash's direction.

Back to sweeping. Gilbert sighed as he swept. He really hated being a maid.

* * *

Vash stomped to his room in annoyance. Stupid Germans with their stupid annoying questions. Vash had half a mind to find his favourite gun and shoot Gilbert down for being so irritating.

Vash stepped into his room, running a hand through his hair and closing the door. He wanted to get changed into something less casual when asking Japan to help him find the culprit who stole his beloved guns.

"Hello Vash," a voice purred. Vash whirled around, his heart beating wildly in shock. His face turned a bright red.

"B-Belgium?" Vash asked, trying not to stare at her… outfit. If you could call it an outfit. With long laced up boots and corset-looking lingerie that really did not leave much to the imagination, Belgium, slinked over towards him.

"Please, call me Elise," she purred, pressing him against the wall. Vash struggled against her hold, looking around for his beloved weapons.

"Where are my guns?" he demanded furiously. Elise blinked innocently, cocking her head to the side. Vash blushed fiercely as his stomach lurched at the moment.

"They weren't here when me and Heidi arrived," Elise replied.

"H-Heidi! Does she know about this?" Vash demanded. Elise laughed, leaning in and giving Vash an Eskimo kiss. Vash turned even redder and cursed his heart for beating faster. He shouldn't be getting excited over such a beautiful woman's advances… wait what? Beautiful woman? Vash felt almost dizzy.

"She knows that I like you a lot and want to tell you how I feel… but that's it," Elise replied.

"Y-you like me?" Vash asked. Elise blushed and nodded. The two stared at each other in silence for a bit.

"This is stupid," Elise said, motioning to her get-up. "You know Awesome Advice? He told me that I should act out my inner fantasies with you and…" her blush deepened and she looked away. Vash suddenly felt _very_ reckless.

"Then why don't you?" he asked. Elise stared at him and Vash blushed again. What was he doing? This wasn't proper – this was indecent! This was not gentleman-like! What would Heidi think if she found out – not that Vash would ever tell her.

"You're not actually saying-"

"Maybe I am." Oh God, what was he doing? Stop it Vash, stop doing this to yourself! What are you doing – don't take off your shirt – VASH ZWINGLI, PERSONIFICATION OF THE COUNTRY SWITZERLAND, DO NOT BE DOING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING, Vash's conscience screamed at him. "I've always wanted to taste your chocolate anyways," he remarked before blushing. Why did that have to sound so kinky?

Elise laughed. "And I've always wanted to try yours," she admitted, leaning in for a kiss…

* * *

"It was _torture_! You better be glad that you have such an awesome friend who goes to such lengths for your birthday," Gilbert complained to Francis as they walked out of the meeting room a few days later. Elizaveta had relieved him of his maid duties after receiving a frustrated phone call from Kiku, who informed her that Gilbert did nothing but sweep the same spot, determined to do absolutely no work. Francis smirked.

"Yes. I'm also glad that Elizaveta took pictures. They were a wonderful late birthday present," Francis teased, laughing at the look of horror on Gilbert's face.

"You suck," Gilbert muttered, blushing a deep red.

"You sound like Peter now," Francis remarked. "The boy's staying over again and he's driving Arthur up the wall. Sweden and Finland are now afraid that Arthur is going to teach him more things that will end up scarring the three of them," Francis continued.

"Hey! Hey you! Notice me!" a voice piped up nearby them. Gilbert smirked.

"Speak of the devil…" he said as Sealand ran up to them.

"Where's Jerk England?" he demanded to Francis.

"He's talking to your cousin America about something," Francis replied, ruffling the boy's hair affectionately. Peter made a face.

"There! That's him!" a small girl with dirty blonde hair exclaimed, dragging Netherlands with her. Gilbert and Francis exchanged a look.

"Hello France… Prussia," Netherlands added, smirking at Prussia. Gilbert frowned at the smirk. "You," he turned to Sealand, who looked confused. "You've been talking to my little sister haven't you?" he asked, pointing to the girl standing beside him. Sealand nodded, slightly intimidated. "You want her to have your babies or whatever, right?" he asked.

"Oh _mon dieu_," Francis muttered, burying his face into Gilbert's shoulder in horror. Gilbert patted his friend's back absently, still surprised he hadn't realized earlier that he had told Luxembourg to get an older sibling to deal with Sealand and told the Netherlands to attack someone who was pissing his sister off [of course he had been talking about Belgium, totally forgetting about little Luxembourg].

"Maybe," Sealand muttered, looking away.

"Now listen here kid. Because you're only like 11 and not even a nation yet I'm gonna let you off easy but annoy my sis again and I'll declare war on your brother and subsequently you. Got it?" Netherlands threatened. Francis and Gilbert exchanged a look. They highly doubted the Dutchman would actually follow through with that threat, but they also doubted Sealand knew that. Sealand paled and nodded silently. "You should offer to babysit somebody's kids so you actually know what you're getting yourself into. Babies are brats," Netherlands informed him. He stood up, nodded at Gilbert and Francis and took Luxembourg's hand and walked away from them. Luxembourg stuck her tongue immaturely at Sealand as they passed.

"Are you alright, Peter?" Francis said in concern. Sealand shrugged.

"Can I have ice cream to cheer me up?" he asked hopefully. Francis sighed.

"When your brother comes then we will go to get ice cream," Francis replied. Peter cheered. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Pansy," he teased.

"_Bruder_ let's go," Ludwig's stern voice said from behind. Gilbert rolled his eyes and bid farewell to Francis, following his brother out of the building. "I saw the rather inappropriate pictures Elizaveta took of you," Ludwig remarked casually. Gilbert shrugged.

"I owed her after forcing Roderich to make Francis's cake," Gilbert replied. "Can we hurry up and get home? I want to check my laptop," Gilbert responded. Ludwig stared at his brother suspiciously.

"Why?" Ludwig asked. Gilbert shrugged.

"Need my daily dose of lesbian porn," Gilbert replied and Ludwig sighed in exasperation. His brother was _such_ a nuisance sometimes. No worries… he had a plan to help out his brother of his rather mischievous scheme.

* * *

In the dining room, Gilbird reunited with Gilbert's scalp, Gilbert opened his laptop, logging into his Gmail account to see if he got any emails. There was only one that seemed to come only a mere few minutes ago.

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_Gilbert Beilschmidt, you have been discovered. _

_Sincerely, _

_Ludwig._

Gilbert paled. What?

"So I was right!" a voice exclaimed behind him. Gilbert jumped, whirling around to see his brother standing behind him, peering over his shoulder to stare at his computer screen. Gilbert attempted to close the internet browser but it was too late. Ludwig already knew. Ludwig had caught him. It was game over.

Fuck.

* * *

**A/N: And I leave you with a cliff-hanger muahaha. Oh and by the way, THIS WAS THE LAST TIME ADVICE PROBLEMS WERE ACCEPTED. I'm afraid that any advice problems I get cannot be accepted :( But please continue reviewing! I may write up the next chapter even faster ;D There is the crack version of Omake 4 as well as Omake 5 that will be posted on Monday and Tuesday. The poll is still up guys, please vote if you haven't - I need to know which story to write after this.**

**Dont know if any of y'all know this but I have posted another story which will be a little pet project for me whenever I get bored or have writers block on my current story. It's called Rent and it's based off the hit musical. How about going over there and giving it some love - it's written in a different style than I'm accostumed to so I'd like to see if it's written well. **

**Anyhoo, on to the story notes: **

**Since I didn't have a decent story for France's birthday like I did for Canada and America, I decided to devote the beginning to France's birthday :D And Elise. Oh Elise. I never meant to make her so creepy in the last chapter so I tried playing up her innocent side. In my head canon she's a bit of a sexual little devil. What she tells Gilbert while drunk is that she has a BDSM fetish just like Ludwig. Ha. Ha ha. x] I think I kinda like Belgium/Switzerland now. French Maid!Gilbert is the product of me staying up so late. It's 2:13 AM here. Yeah. Yay for Netherlands being a cute older brother for Luxembourg! He's a sexy bamf. I like writing him x] **

**Reviews make Gilbert be your personal French Maid for as long as you'd like ;D **


	18. Omake Four CRACK VERSION OH YEAAA

_D-dear Awesome Ad-Advice,_

__

H-hello th-there, A-awesome. I've b-been getting even s-shorter l-lately. I d-don't want to b-become s-so sh-short th-that I can't b-be s-seen a-anymore, but I-I d-don't know how t-to t-tell the p-person that's c-causing it t-to h-happen. H-how do I t-tell them t-to st-stop i-it?

f-from,

_ShakyOne_

Gilbert rolled his eyes. Obviously it was Latvia, judging by the stuttering [even though this was an email and technically Latvia didn't have to stutter in this] and obviously it was about Russia. Gilbert grinned gleefully. Latvia was probably one of those kids who would listen to anything you said. This would be fun.

_Dear SO, _

_GET A FREAKING BACKBONE KID! THIS CREEPER'S BEEN PUSHING YOU AROUND FOR DECADES NOW – IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STAND FOR YOURSELF AND SAY "BITCH, PLEASE. FUCK OFF."_

_Have fun!_

_Awesome

* * *

_

Perhaps it hadn't been intelligent of Latvia to have taken a [few dozen] drinks before approaching Russia. His judging wasn't too hot at the moment but then again… the email _had_ said to stand up for himself – and he sure as hell wouldn't be able to sober.

"Latvia? What are you doing here?" Russia asked as Latvia stumbled into his office. Behind Latvia stood Lithuania and Estonia, quivering as if their lives depended on it. Ukraine looked up from her spot of the window and nearly burst into tears at the state Latvia was in.

"I'm here to tell you to stop fucking harassing me," Latvia slurred, glaring at Russia. Ukraine burst into tears and Lithuania fainted in Estonia's arms.

"LITHUANIAAAA!" Estonia cried out in utter horror.

Russia's face darkened in anger. "What did you say to me?" he asked calmly, although everybody in the room could hear the anger behind it.

"FUCK OFF COMMIE. I DON'T WANT NONE OF YOUR SHIT ANYMORE!" Latvia screeched, waving his hands about madly. "From this day on Latvia doesn't need any of _your_ stupid help so you can just leave _me_ ALONE!" And with that, he stomped away. Russia looked confused, Lithuania was still unconscious, Estonia was on the verge of fainting himself and Ukraine was sobbing for the loss of Latvia's sweet innocence.

It was that day when the country of Latvia became a superpower, having defeated the country of Russia for the first time. It grew to become even more powerful than America and every country in the world wondered how the hell such a young and small nation could grow to be so powerful.

Sadly though, Latvia never grew any taller than his original size. And that always was the bane of his existence.

* * *

**A/N: Aww yee it's a crack version of omake four x] I apologize for not posting this yesterday - I was so busy writing _Rent_ [and moping how it's not getting enough love] that I totally forgot to upload this! **

**Review or become one with Latvia, yes?**


	19. Omake Six

_Dear Awesome Advice,  
_

_Korea keeps grabbing my chest and won't stop no matter how many times I tell him not to do it. It keeps getting weirder; he was turned into a girl recently and it was really creepy when he grabbed my chest. Please tell me how to stop him from doing it again, aru.  
_

_Yours truly,  
_

_Desperate for Advice_

Gilbert cackled evilly. He could have fun with this one.

_Dear DfA, _

_Introduce him to Ukraine. The moment he tries anything on her, he'll feel Russia's wrath. He'll never bother you again. _

_Peace, _

_Awesome_

_

* * *

_

China wrung his hands nervously as he watched Korea walk up to Ukraine at the next world meeting. Sure, he found the boy annoying as hell [even in girl form] but did he really want Russia to get him? What if Russia seriously hurt the poor boy? China bit his lip.

"Hello!" Korea said enthusiastically, startling the older woman. "I'm the Originator of Everything! You can call me Korea!" he said cheerfully. Ukraine smiled shyly.

"Hello Korea. I am Ukraine," she introduced, extending her hand out. Korea stared at it curiously. She retracted her hand, feeling confused.

"Your breasts are mine!" Korea exclaimed.

"W-what?" she said in confusion. China watched in horror as Korea began to reach towards her voluminous chest…

"NO!" China howled, running towards Korea. Korea turned around in confusion. "DON'T TOUCH HER!" he exclaimed, slapping Korea on the back of the head. "Are you stupid aru? Do you want her brother to hurt you? Apologize right now!" he scolded. Korea rubbed the back of his head in confusion.

"I'm sorry that your breasts belong to me," Korea said and China resisted the urge to hit himself repeatedly with his wok.

"U-um… that's alright?" Ukraine said in confusion. China could see the tears appearing in the girl's eyes – she didn't like feeling so confused.

"Do not cry aru. Korea is just a stupid boy who says stupid things. Do not take his words to heart aru," China said kindly. Ukraine wiped her eyes and smiled at him.

"T-thank you," she said uncertainly.

"Sister! We must leave!" a voice said from afar. China stiffened as Russia came into view, Belarus trailing not too far behind. Ukraine blinked and after bidding farewell to the two males she ran off.

"I didn't know breasts could make noises," Korea said in awe. China hit the back of Korea's head again. "Ouch – aniki what was that for?" Korea said, hurt.

"For saying indecent things. Now come – we're going home," China said impatiently, dragging Korea away. Korea beamed at him.

"Is aniki jealous that Ukraine's breasts are mine?" he asked. China flushed.

"No of course not aru. Why would I be jealous of such a stupid thing?" China asked. Korea beamed at him.

"You _are_ jealous! Don't worry aniki – your breasts will always be my favourite!" Korea exclaimed, groping China's chest area. China sighed in resignation.

Getting Korea to stop groping his breasts was impossible. So China decided that he would just stop trying.

* * *

**A/N: This is the last omake I have I'm afraid. I was supposed to post this yesterday but a friend told me about "My Immortal" - that really terrible Harry Potter fanfiction. I found a link to the story and started reading it. It's so lolzy. Ah man, I hope I'm not as bad as that Tara chick. **

**I have the next chapter finished and am writing the ending right now. Hopefully the next chapter will be up on Saturday so stay tuned for that ;D **

**Review or your breasts are Korea's. **


	20. The Confession

"Hurry up," Ludwig said strictly. Gilbert scowled, jogging to catch up to his brother's long strides.

"I'm coming – slow down, will you?" Gilbert demanded in annoyance. Ludwig glared at him, never slowing down.

"You are in no position to argue with me," Ludwig retorted.

"I don't see why you're so pissed – I help you out with your problems with Feliciano," Gilbert grumbled.

"You also made him go crazy," Ludwig shot at him.

Gilbert shrugged. "Yea well Feliciano's been trying to tell that he loves you for ages. At least I got him to say it," Gilbert replied. Ludwig chose to ignore him. "Besides, brothers are supposed to go to each other for advice, aren't they? I'm almost hurt that you decided to try an anonymous advice column rather than ask your older awesome brother for help," Gilbert continued. Ludwig's stomach clenched guiltily but he made no comment.

The two brothers walked into the meeting room. Rather than mill about until Ludwig called order, Gilbert quietly took his seat as Ludwig walked to the front of the room. The other nations fell silent when they saw him.

"I know today's meeting was to deal about the current global issues but something has come to my attention that I'm sure you all would like to hear about. Prussia, if you will," Germany said, motioning to the Albino. All eyes were on him as he joined his brother at the front.

"Uh… hey," Prussia said, slightly unnerved by the unblinking sea of eyes.

"Hi Gilbert!" Italy said cheerfully, waving at him frantically. Prussia waved back, grinning. Germany cleared his throat.

"Oh right. Uh… so my _bruder's_ making me do this… you know Awesome Advice?" he asked. The other nations nodded, still confused as to why Gilbert was up there in the first place. "Yea well... it's me," he said. "I'm Awesome Advice." There wasn't any point in trying to get around the issue. He might as well say it outright.

There was a silence as the rest of the nations processed this information.

"You! You made Hungary hit me with a frying pan!" Austria said in indignation. "And told me to enjoy -" he froze, turning bright red. He gave Prussia a death glare. "You good for nothing ass-" he began to say before being interrupted by Romano.

"You made that bastard dress me up like a tomato?" Romano yelled in horror. "And you told me to act like my stupid little brother so that the tomato bastard would like-" he paused, blushing furiously. Italy pouted.

"Ve…but I liked when you were acting like me!" he protested.

"Belarus nearly killed me thanks to what you told Russia to do aru," China said angrily.

"And me!" America added.

"You're the one who like, told America to dress me in that totally uncool style?" Poland exclaimed. America pouted.

"I didn't think it was uncool," he said quietly.

"My God I should've totally guessed," Poland continued, glaring at Prussia.

"You told me to hide Switzerland-san's guns?" Japan blurted out in horror. Switzerland turned around to stare at him. Japan gulped. Whoops.

"What? You did this? But I trusted – you – guns – you told me to trust him!" Switzerland yelled at Prussia. He turned back to Japan. "You will pay for your dishonesty!" Switzerland yelled. Japan looked terrified. Liechtenstein leaped to her feet. It was her cue to step in.

"Brother, I helped him hide your guns too!" she exclaimed. Everyone stared at her in shock. They had all supposed she was an innocent girl who loved her brother a lot. Switzerland stared at her in horror.

"Why?" he asked. Liechtenstein sighed.

"You're too trigger-happy for your own good… it was getting embarrassing," she said quietly. Switzerland blushed.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he demanded.

"I have! You never listened!" she exclaimed.

"Wait does this mean that you're the one who told that Sealand kid to ask my sister to have his babies?" Netherlands said suddenly, interrupting the two siblings. England looked horrified.

"You! You told the brat to ask me where babies come from didn't you?" England yelled, angry. "And you made me bloody make-out with the frog in front of everyone!" he exclaimed, turning a bright red. France smirked.

"I knew it was you," he informed his friend. "Nice try attempting to be Russia," he added. "You almost scared me – _almost_."

The yells were steadily becoming louder and louder as each nation attempted to give Prussia a peace of their mind. Germany glanced at his brother, who, to his shock, was _smiling_. What was Prussia planning?

As the yells finally began to die down, Germany called for order. The nations all glared at Prussia, who was still smiling.

"Now that everyone has said what they wanted to say… do you have anything to say for yourself?" Germany asked. Prussia's smile grew and he nodded.

"Duh," he said, clearing his throat. "Hey guys! I just wanted to say, wow – you guys are so fucking nice, aren't you? Austria – I helped you pay attention to your wife and helped you get laid and you call me a good for nothing asshole? Too kind, really," he said.

Eyes turned to Austria as he squirmed awkwardly. After Awesome Advice told Hungary to use her frying pan on him, he _had_ been paying more attention to her rather than the piano… The fact that Prussia told him to enjoy… _that_ had been rude but then again, Austria should be used to Prussia's comments by now. He blushed slightly.

"And you? Romano? Yea, so I told your boyfriend to dress you up like a tomato while you were sleeping. So? You should've have been sleeping at a meeting _and_ Toni has a point – you do look like a tomato. And did you know how creepy it was seeing you act like Feliciano? You think that that was humiliating right? You think I'm a horrible person for telling you to do that right? Yea, I guess I am – I'm a_ terrible_ person for helping the person you care about the most realize that he likes the you just the way you are – even though you're a little asshat," Prussia said. Romano opened his mouth to retort angrily but realized he didn't know what to say.

"And China? Yea ok I admit it – I totally found Belarus chasing you the funniest thing ever. I'm not gonna lie – I told Russia to do that just so that I could get a good laugh out of it. But hey, you're still alive so you can't really be mad about that," Prussia said casually.

China stared. "It was still scary aru," he muttered to himself, shooting the Belarusian girl a look. Belarus was sitting beside Lithuania, finding the fact China had been terrified of her slightly amusing. A small smile was on her lips, making her look less dangerous.

"Besides – I helped you work on your relationship with Japan," Prussia continued. "I'm practically a saint for all the help I've given."

China bit his lip; Prussia _had_ been the one who told him to talk to Japan and become closer to his younger brother.

"And Poland? You're a freak. But you already know that, I've told you that a lot. And don't girls like experimenting with different styles? There you go – now you know that the Biker Chick look is not for you," Prussia said shrugging. Poland frowned at 'freak' but had to agree that Prussia had a bit of a point. "Besides, I helped you get that bitchy secretary fired _and_ get the blame about your nail polish incident away from you. You should be thanking me." Poland blushed; Prussia had a point about that.

"You know… the Nordics are pretty awesome dudes. I helped them all out and none of them have yelled at me yet because they actually _get_ that I helped them out. I got Denmark and Norway together, Iceland to call Norway 'brother', Finland to not be as creeped out by Sweden, _and_ it's thanks to me that Iceland's making friends outside of Scandinavia. So you know, you guys rock," Prussia continued, flashing them a grin. Finland glanced at Sweden curiously, the latter sporting a faint blush.

"You thought I was creeped out by you?" he asked quietly.

"Y'u alw'ys look sc'r'd of me," Sweden muttered in embarrassment. Finland smiled at him.

"Well at first I was but after a while I realized you actually really sweet," Finland told him and Sweden's blush deepened.

"Hey wait! Does that mean when Awesome Advice told me to lose the next drinking contest I had with Prussia and England you were telling me that? That's cheating! You owe me that 50 bucks I gave you for winning!" Denmark protested. Norway's right palm hit his face in embarrassment. Only Denmark would realize such a thing.

Prussia rolled his eyes. "No way man – I won that fair and square," he informed the Dane. "Anyways – England. I don't think you have any right to be angry because I got you together with France. Yea ok so maybe the making out thing was uncalled for – the only reason I told you to do that was so that it could embarrass you. But you still can't be mad at me for that – you humiliate yourself everyday," Prussia told England. England turned purple and opened his mouth to speak before France put his hand on England's arm to calm him down.

"What about my guns?" Switzerland demanded, standing up and shooting an accusatory finger at Prussia. "You told Japan to hide them away from me!" he exclaimed.

"With good reason. Seriously bro – you need to calm down with your guns. You're like a girl on PMS – the moment something pisses you off it's all I'M GONNA SHOOT YOU WITH MY MASSIVE GUNS NOW PEW PEW PEW – and then you're all oh Liechtenstein are you ok? I'm such an awesome brother bwahahaha! No wonder Liechtenstein decided to help Japan with hiding your guns – that's pretty embarrassing. Maybe if you didn't try shooting the entire world every time someone pissed you off just a little bit people wouldn't try stealing your guns and hiding them away from you. It's a bad sign when a girl that likes you has to get your little sister to take all your guns away so she can actually approach you and not fear getting shot," Prussia countered.

Switzerland was sorely tempted to shoot the Prussian asshole down before realizing he was proving what Prussia had just been saying. Grumbling to himself he sat back down, not making eye contact with anyone.

"Oh kudos Japan for always asking me for advice – you're awesome," Prussia added as Japan flushed. Japan certainly was embarrassed. He hadn't realized he had been asking the reckless, wild Prussia for advice. "And America? Is Belarus still out to murder you? No, am I right? Who's the reason behind that? _Me_. Honestly, you claim to be a hero and all yet I'm the one who ended up saving your ass," Prussia said to the American. America frowned. As much as he hated admitting it, Prussia was right – after he had told the Belarusian girl that he was dating her older brother, after chasing him around with a knife – she hadn't bothered him since.

"Uh… Mr. Prussia…?" Lithuania said quietly. Prussia glanced at him, almost surprised at the 'mister' Lithuania used.

"Yea?" Prussia asked.

"T-thank you for what you said," Lithuania said quietly, glancing at Belarus, who was sitting beside him. Prussia grinned.

"Now _this_ is an awesome fellow – you're freaking welcome!" Prussia said exuberantly. "Anyways, England – you need to control your freaky little brother. I just played along with his whole 'I want a baby thing' – how was _I_ supposed to know that he'd _actually_ go up to some girl and ask her to have his babies? I know I'm awesome, but I can't see the future!" he said. England flushed.

"I'm going to have a talk with that boy after this meeting," he muttered to himself. France patted England's arm, feeling sorry for the little boy in the sailor suit.

"Russia? You're welcome. America should be thanking me too – since your little date was my idea," Prussia said. America turned to Russia, who blushed. Had the hamburgers and… ahem, _sleepover_ really been Prussia's idea? Had the albino _really_ resolved their relationship?

"Hey Netherlands? Yea I made you yell at some little kid – but at least you're not as angry about FIFA now are you?" Prussia said. The Netherlands had to agree; he was still pretty pissed about the whole thing but he no longer wanted to rip the stupid Spanish man into pieces.

"No," he muttered, looking away. Damn that Prussian for making logical points!

"Oh hey Belgium – congrats," Prussia said suddenly, winking at the Belgian woman. Belgium blushed, glancing at Switzerland [who was still in a funk over the whole gun thing]. She supposed that it really was all thanks to Prussia that she and Switzerland were now together.

"We should totally go drinking again," she remarked, grinning as Prussia started looking flustered.

"Uh… maybe," he said, before turning back to the group. "So basically what I'm trying to say is, I fucking helped you all out in some random way, didn't I? I helped your relationships – hell, I _gave_ you relationships. Whenever you guys had a problem you came to Awesome Advice and _I_ answered your emails. Sure I might've humiliated you as well but hey, what else does an ex-nation like me do all day? It's not like I can watch _porn _24/7. End note – you all should be fucking worshipping the ground I walk on because without me none of you would be where you are right now but _no_ – you choose to rip into me like I'm some sort of slab at meat and _yell_ at me like I'm goddamn Satan for making your lives wonderful and problem-free," Prussia said furiously, glaring at all the nations who had been yelling at them just a few minutes before. They shifted in their seats awkwardly as Prussia gave them an angry glare. "A last piece of advice from Awesome Advice – when someone awesome like me helps you out – the normal thing to do is thank them – not attack them." With that Prussia stormed out of the room and away from the other countries.

Gilbert smirked as he walked away from the meeting room. That had been a grade A+ _awesome_ dramatic storm-out-of-the-room-after-saying-a-memorable-speech exit that Gilbert made. Soon enough someone would come running after him [preferably Loveless Friend, yelling words of adoration to the Prussian] and beg him to return so they could all offer their sympathies. Gilbert paused at the elevators and turned, fully expecting to see that runner nearing him.

There was no one.

Dry. Real dry. Obviously those countries hadn't realized yet how much Prussia had helped them – he ought to give it a week or so until the fact finally sunk into their thick skulls.

And with that, he walked into the waiting elevator and exited the building.

* * *

The next day, Prussia was receiving emails of apologies from many nations. He grinned, leaning back on his chair, Gilbird cheerfully peeping on his head. Now _this_ was more like it. Sure, he'd rather have them all worshipping him and have all the pretty women hand-feed him wurst and have Loveless Friend sing his undying love for the Prussian as Austria played the piano but hey, this was just as good.

A suddenly chiming sound brought Gilbert out of his reverie. He clicked on the new email on his inbox, expecting it to be yet another sorry nation begging for forgiveness.

_Dear Awesome Advice, _

_I think it's time to tell the boy I like how I feel about him. How should I tell him? _

_Sincerely, _

_Loveless Friend_

Really? Loveless Friend was _still_ not about to admit who he was?

_Dear Loveless Friend, _

_Dude I know for a fact that you like me. Everything I've told you to give to your crush you've given to me. Why don't you just tell me already?_

_~Gilbert_

The response came three minutes later.

_Dear Gilbert, _

_Meet me at the park in a half an hour._

_Sincerely, _

_Loveless Friend_

_

* * *

_**A/N: So I'm sitting with my laptop, reading fanfiction when it suddenly hits me that I should've posted this chapter already. Sorry for the delay - I totally forgot x] **

**Alas, the next chapter shall be the final one and then an epilogue. I'd tell you when it will be coming, but I still have to finish writing it xD IT SOUNDED BETTER IN MY HEAD *sobs***

**I wish I could've found some way to make this longer but for the life of me I couldn't think of anything. Ah well, the first few chapters were around this length anyways. **

**Reviews make me write the ending that much faster. Oh and if you haven't, remember to vote on the poll on my homepage! :D**


	21. GODDAMMIT, FINALLY!

Gilbert looked around. After receiving that email only 15 minutes ago, Gilbert had closed his laptop, gotten changed and ran out of the house. This was _it_ – he was finally going to find out who the hell Loveless Friend was! Gilbert's stomach churned nervously. What if Loveless Friend was some creeper like Russia? Well, not _really_ Russia since Russia was in a happy relationship with America but still. Gilbert shuddered. He hoped he could run away really fast in case that happened.

Now that he was at the park…Gilbert looked around again, strolling around the park, narrowing his eyes at the random nations who were here and there.

"Hello Gilbert!" a voice said cheerfully. Gilbert whirled around to see Liechtenstein and Iceland sitting on the grass, eating what looked like liquorice. Dammit. Gilbert had thought it was Loveless Friend.

"Hey," Gilbert said, walking up to them.

"What are you doing here?" she asked curiously. Gilbert shrugged.

"Fresh air… needed some exercise – you?" Gilbert asked. Liechtenstein beamed at him.

"Me and Hinrik decided that today was a pretty enough day to just sit about and eat liquorice," she replied. Gilbert glanced at Iceland, who nodded at him slightly.

"Thanks," Hinrik said quietly. Gilbert grinned.

"You two have fun," Gilbert said, beginning to turn away.

"Oh wait! Do you want some liquorice?" Heidi asked curiously. Gilbert didn't really like liquorice to be frank but he couldn't resist Heidi's innocent wide eyes.

"Err… sure," Gilbert said, taking the smallest piece he could and popping it into his mouth. He waved the two teenagers goodbye and walked away.

Back to Loveless Friend. Gilbert looked around. He couldn't see anybody save for Netherlands and further away from him, Belgium and [a blushing] Switzerland. Gilbert reckoned Netherlands didn't want to hang out with his sister and her boyfriend who once tried shooting him. So why was he there? Unless…

Oh _God_ no. Netherlands was a nice guy and all but Gilbert really, really, _really_ didn't want him to be Loveless Friend.

Netherlands glanced around and met eyes with Gilbert. He smirked and raised a hand in greeting. Gilbert waved back as Netherlands turned back to what he was doing – which seemed like he was feeding bunnies or something. Gilbert blinked. Weird.

Gilbert checked his watch. It had only been 25 minutes since he had received the email from Loveless Friend. He walked over to a nearby bench and sat down, taking Gilbird out of his hair.

"D'you know who Loveless Friend is?" Gilbert asked it. Gilbird stared at him.

"Piyo!" the bird said. Gilbert sighed, placing Gilbird back on his head.

"I didn't think so," Gilbert said.

It was a rather beautiful day, nice and warm with a soft breeze blowing. Gilbert closed his eyes and smiled as the breeze brushed his face and through his hair [annoying Gilbird, who was trying to stay comfortable on Gilbert's head]. Even if Loveless Friend didn't come perhaps he'd spend the afternoon on this bench… it was rather comfortable and it was such nice weather…

"Gilbert?" a voice asked. Gilbert's eyes opened in surprise.

He let out a sigh of relief. "Oh it's just you," he said as Matthew gave him a confused smile.

"Of course it's me – who else would it be?" Matthew asked, holding onto what looked like a leash.

"Uh nobody. Just expecting someone. Why are you here?" Gilbert asked. Matthew shrugged.

"It was nice outside and Kumakiku needed a walk," Matthew said. Gilbert glanced at the bear, which looked like he was attempting to drag Matthew away. "Heel Kumajiji!" Matthew exclaimed in exasperation.

"You do realize that that's a bear right?" Gilbert asked. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"Of course I do. But Kumakuma needs his walks too," Matthew said. Kumajiro turned his attention away from trying to run away to pounce on Gilbert to paw at Gilbird curiously. "Kumatata!" Matthew exclaimed in horror as Gilbird let out a squawk and flew off. Kumajiro bounded after it, Matthew no longer able to hold onto the leash. "I'm so sorry about that – Kumatino usually has better manners than this," Matthew apologized. Gilbert laughed.

"No worries," he said. Matthew still looked horrified.

"But your bird—"

"It's alright – let's go find them, ok?" Gilbert asked, standing up. The two began walking in the direction Kumajiro had run off in. Gilbert looked around anxiously, desperate to see any nation who might possibly be Loveless Friend.

"I think Kumatintin went that way… Gilbert? Are you listening?" Matthew said, glancing at Gilbert, who was looking in a totally different direction.

"Hmm?" Gilbert asked. "Oh yea – ok," Gilbert said. Matthew frowned.

"Are you looking for something?" Matthew asked.

"I was supposed to meet up with someone but they haven't arrived yet."

"Oh – who?"

"I don't know."

Matthew stared at Gilbert. "What?" he asked in confusion. Gilbert sighed.

"Long story."

"Is it your secret admirer you were so adamant on discovering? To the point of turning me into a girl?" Matthew asked. Gilbert chuckled.

"Yea. Hey Matt? I'm going to tell you a completely hypothetical story ok?" he said suddenly. Now that everyone knew he was Awesome Advice, he could just explain the full story about Loveless Friend to Matthew and see whether or not Matthew knew. In a purely hypothetical manner, so that Matthew wouldn't make fun of him for not being able to figure out who the hell Loveless Friend was, of course.

"Um… ok?" Matthew asked.

"Ok – remember it's completely hypothetical alright? So um… there's this guy named Ludwig and-"

"I thought this was hypothetical."

"It is! Anyways, so Ludwig decides that hey, why not start an advice column?"

"What's it called?"

"Uh… Herr Schtick's Wurst Advice."

"Worst advice?"

"No wurst. Like the food. Anyways, Ludwig gets this email a few days later from some guy… Friendless Love."

"Friendless Love."

"Yea. And it's all 'I really like this guy and don't know what to do' and Ludwig's craving pasta because he ate it all so he's like 'You should get them some pasta. Go ask Feliciano for some' and the next day he receives a package in the mail. Do you know what's in it?"

"Pasta?"

"Pasta! So he's all 'whoa what?' and before he can figure out who sent him the pasta he gets another email from Friendless Love and he tells him to get his crush a present and a few days later he gets a present!"

"What's the present?"

"Uh… a stick."

"A stick?"

"Yea – like Herr Schtick. So Ludwig's pretty surprised that some random person likes him. So he tries to figure it out. He asks Feliciano who asked him for his pasta in the past day and decides that his secret admirer must be Elise, Lars, Alfred… that Cuban guy, Arthur, Francis or Elizaveta," Gilbert continued. Matthew frowned.

"Why them?" he asked.

Because they were Gilbert's suspects when he had been trying to figure out who Loveless Friend was. "Because they were the ones who asked Feliciano for pasta," Gilbert said. "So they're the suspects. Anyways so Ludwig decides that he has to figure out which one -"

"Wait. You're forgetting the biggest suspect," Matthew said. Gilbert stared at Matthew.

"What are you talking about?" Gilbert asked. Matthew shrugged, a rather mischievous smile growing on his face.

"Well from what you're saying, Ludwig tells this person… Friendless Love to ask Feliciano for pasta. So automatically everyone who asked Feliciano for pasta in a certain time period is Friendless Love," Matthew began to say.

"That's what I've been trying to say-"

"But what about Feliciano? Just because Ludwig said in the email to ask Feliciano for some pasta, doesn't mean they had to ask. What if Feliciano had been the one who sent the email in the first place?" Matthew asked, his smile growing.

Gilbert frowned. That made sense but when you paralleled that to Gilbert's case that would mean that…

Oh.

_Oh_.

"Gilbert? You alright?" Matthew asked as they continued to walk through the park, not really looking for their pets anymore. Gilbert glanced at Matthew briefly before blushing. Oh _God_ how could he have not realized that – that _Matthew_…

"I'm fine," Gilbert said awkwardly. They could vaguely see Kumajiro run off to the right far in front of them. The two turned in the path to follow him in silence, neither man talking.

How could he not have realized it? It was so _obvious_. Gilbert glanced at Matthew, who was squinting his eyes, trying to see where Kumajiro was running. Had Matthew _always_ been this cute? Matthew glanced at him.

"Are you sure you're alright? I've never seen you this red before," Matthew joked, grinning. Gilbert blushed harder. Why did Matthew have such a nice smile? Why didn't Gilbert notice this before? Well ok, he _did_ notice it before – once upon a time but… he thought that he had forgotten all about that crush! Gilbert thought he had gotten over Matthew – had he _liked_ the Canadian this entire time? So much for claiming he didn't need love…

"I need your advice on something," Gilbert said quickly, looking away from Matthew. Matthew laughed.

"Is Awesome Advice really asking _me_ for advice? I feel so honoured," Matthew joked. "But sure. Shoot," he said.

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "What if you really liked a good friend of yours and at first you thought that he didn't like you back so you gave up on your crush but then you _did_ find out that he liked you and that you actually never really got over your crush? How would you tell—mmff!" Gilbert said, startled as a pair of lips pressed against his own, muffling his next words. Gilbert stared into Matthew's violet eyes, very surprised, before kissing Matthew back.

Gilbert had honestly expected Matthew to taste like maple syrup. Or pancakes. Or both. But… Matthew tasted minty. Gilbert pulled away from Matthew to stare at the Canadian in the eye.

"Why didn't you tell me you liked me?" Gilbert asked, blushing faintly. Matthew blushed as well.

"I thought it'd be more fun to tell you through Awesome Advice. I heard you mutter that you were good at giving out advice and put two and two together. Besides… I didn't know if you liked me back," Matthew added quietly. Gilbert pulled Matthew closer and grinned.

"But how did Elizaveta know? She _was_ the one who told me someone liked me," Gilbert asked, remembering Elizaveta's cheeky grin and the request for pictures. Matthew smiled.

"She saw me emailing you and wanted to know who I liked. I made her promise not to tell you," Matthew added. Matthew decided not to tell Gilbert what he had agreed to do to make Elizaveta promise.

"And why did Netherlands keep giving me weird looks?" Gilbert demanded. Matthew laughed.

"Lars is one of my closest friends. I told him ages ago about you – Alfred too," Matthew replied. Gilbert looked astonished. At least that explained everything. Gilbert blushed.

"You must've found it funny when I told you I thought Lars or Alfred liked me," Gilbert grumbled. Matthew smirked.

"Really funny," Matthew replied and Gilbert buried his face into Matthew's shoulder in horror. Matthew smelled really nice, like the outdoors and pancakes. Gilbert rather liked the smell.

"Piyo piyo!" a voice chirped. Gilbert looked up to see a blur of yellow before Gilbird landed on his head.

"I guess you found your bird then," Matthew said and Gilbert grinned.

"I see your bear over there," Gilbert pointed out, nodding in a direction behind Matthew. Matthew swivelled in Gilbert's arms to see Kumajiro padding away into the bushes, most probably to curl up into a ball and fall asleep in the shade. Matthew turned back to Gilbert and they smiled at each other awkwardly.

"This…is weird," Matthew said finally, blushing. Gilbert laughed.

"Yeah," Gilbert agreed. They fell back into a silence. "Can… can I kiss you again?" Gilbert asked hopefully. Matthew burst out laughing.

"You don't have to ask," Matthew teased. Gilbert frowned before leaning in and kissing Matthew deeply.

Matthew smiled into the kiss. He had liked Gilbert even _before_ the two of them became friends and… he never really expected that one day he'd find himself kissing the Prussian. Remembering something, Matthew wrapped an arm around Gilbert's waist and pulled his Blackberry out of his pocket with the other. He quickly opened a pre-written text message and pressed 'send', sliding the phone back into his pocket, focusing back on Gilbert. Matthew closed his eyes blissfully, feeling the sun on his back and Gilbert's hands on his back.

Today was a good day.

* * *

Elizaveta patted Kumajiro's head absently. Such an intelligent bear… Elizaveta really should thank him later for leading the happy new couple right to her very bush.

Elizaveta dabbed at her nose daintily with a handkerchief that Roderich had so kindly given her. Elizaveta was happy that Gilbert finally managed to find some love – perhaps now he'd let off of harassing Roderich and she wouldn't have to hit him with her frying pan [even though it was kind of fun]. But really, she was happier about the fact that he was finally giving her some good pictures.

Her phone buzzed gently in her pocket. Elizaveta ripped her gaze away from the couple [who were kissing rather _enthusiastically_, much to Elizaveta's glee] and flipped open her phone to see a text message.

From Matthew W:

_Here's my part of the deal. Thnx for not telling Gilbert that I liked him. _

Elizaveta smiled and closed her phone, putting it back into her pocket and raising her camera. Snapping a few pictures she noticed Matthew open his eyes again and glance at her bush curiously. Elizaveta sat up and waved at Matthew cheerfully before ducking back down. She saw Matthew blush and – Elizaveta had to stuff her fist into her mouth to hold back a squeal – grabbed Gilbert's ass teasingly. Elizaveta took more pictures, beaming widely.

Oh yes, today was a _good_ day!

**The End.**

**

* * *

**

**A/N: AND SO, LOVELESS FRIEND IS FINALLY REVEALED. I swear, this sounded better in my head - this was actually one of the scenes I had in my head ever since I first started the story. Gaah I can't believe this story is over already. It seems like a few weeks ago when I decided that hey, I'll start a story about Prussia where I get advice problems from my readers and use them in the story. And now look where I am - over 100 reviews and at least 20 chapters. And with pairings I would've never considered before this x] I've gotten reviews from some of y'all telling me how I made them start shipping certain pairings but truth is - SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME. x] **

**Thank you so much everyone who has reviewed, faved, and story-alerted this story. You warmed my heart and certainly boosted my confidence in my writing skills. The epilogue for this shall be up this Tuesday. The poll will come to a close on Monday so make sure you get your votes in if you haven't yet! I'll also give y'all a preview of whatever story I'll be writing next. Hint - I think I might be starting two different stories ;D**

**I love you all and thank you again for sticking with me the entire course of this story! Maple cookies for everyone! ^^ **


	22. ZE EPILOGUEEE

A few months later Gilbert was Skyping with Francis and Antonio in the bedroom he and Matthew shared. Gilbert no longer lived in Germany with his brother but with Matthew in Canada. It took a bit getting used to the cold weather but hey, at least he had a hot Canadian to warm up with.

"How is my dear _Mathieu_?" Francis asked curiously. Gilbert grinned.

"Mattie's been awesome. Did you know he's one of the freakiest hockey players of all time? I'm serious – I think I was shitting bricks just _watching_ him beat the crap out of that other guy," Gilbert said. Francis and Antonio laughed.

"Gilbert sounds like he's in love, _non_?" Francis said teasingly to Antonio, who nodded fervently.

"Si!" Antonio agreed. "Where is our Gilbert and what have you done to him?" he teased. Gilbert flushed, glaring at them through his computer screen.

"Fuck you," Gilbert said. Francis and Antonio gave him eerily similar smirks.

"BASTARD WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE COMPUTER?" a voice howled in the background. Francis and Gilbert rolled their eyes and Antonio smiled sheepishly.

"Nothing Lovi~! Just talking to Francis and Gilbert!" Antonio said. The other two heard Lovino swear in Italian. Antonio turned back to the webcam. "Sorry _amigos_ but I have to go calm Lovi down – I'll talk to you both later ok?" he said. Francis and Gilbert bid farewell to the Spaniard before he signed out.

"You're really ok with me and Matthew?" Gilbert asked after a silence. Francis smiled at Gilbert through the webcam.

"_Bien s__ûr!_ I can't help but feel relieved that my darling Mathieu and my best friend have both found love! And you said that nobody could ever fall in love with you," Francis said.

"Frog what are you doing on the computer?" a voice said from Francis's end. Gilbert grinned.

"HE'S WATCHING PORN!" Gilbert howled. Immediately Arthur's red face came into view.

"_What_? You bloody pervert I-oh. It's you," Arthur said, rolling his eyes at Gilbert's grinning face. Gilbert waved at him cheekily. "Where's Matthew?"

Gilbert shrugged. "Making lunch. I suppose cooking is a trait he inherited from Francis huh?" Gilbert said, laughing as Arthur's face turned redder. There was something about taunting Arthur that was just too amusing. Funnily enough, harassing Arthur was how Gilbert and Alfred bonded – and how Alfred ended up approving Matthew's choice in a partner.

"But of course," Francis agreed, expertly dodging Arthur's hit.

"Get off the computer," Arthur growled. "You're wasting the day away talking to that idiot."

"Oi 'that idiot' can hear you, you know!" Gilbert protested. Arthur smirked.

"I know," Arthur replied. Gilbert stuck his tongue out at Arthur in retaliation. Francis sighed at their antics. At the sound of Francis's sigh Arthur turned to look back at Francis. "Now are you getting off the computer or not?" he demanded.

Francis smiled slyly. "What's in it for me if I do?" Francis asked. Both he and Gilbert laughed at Arthur's almost purple face.

"J-just get off of the computer you wanker!" Arthur exclaimed. Gilbert saw Arthur's hand extend out towards the webcam and suddenly Francis's screen went dark. Gilbert rolled his eyes, signing out of Skype. It was probably all for the best – the last thing he needed was for Arthur and Francis to get freaky and forget that the webcam was on.

As Gilbert surfed the net, he wondered idly where Gilbird was. Probably somewhere with Kumajiro – the two had formed a strange friendship back when Matthew and he had first started dating.

A chiming sound interrupted Gilbert from his thoughts. Blinking in surprise Gilbert opened his email. After the whole Awesome Advice thing, Gilbert hadn't really gotten much mail. Gilbert wondered who it could be.

_Dear Awesome Advice,_

_I have this boyfriend and I think he is cheating on me. We never really talk anymore because he is always with that laptop of his. I really hope he's not cheating. I would be very, very, very, VERY upset._

_-Maple Syrup_

Gilbert gaped at the email.

"I take it that you've read it?" a voice said from the doorway. Gilbert looked up to see Matthew standing there, a mug of coffee in his hands.

"I'm not cheating!" Gilbert exclaimed. Matthew laughed.

"I know. I just wanted to freak you out a bit," Matthew replied, walking over to his boyfriend and sitting down on the side of the bed. Gilbert shut his laptop and put it on the table nearby, pulling Matthew closer to him. "I made you some coffee," Matthew said, handing the mug to Gilbert.

Gilbert kissed Matthew lightly on the cheek. "Thanks," he said in appreciation, taking a long drink from it. He could see Matthew smirking at him. "What's so funny?" Gilbert asked.

"Nothing…yet," Matthew said. Gilbert stared at him suspiciously. He took another sip from the mug and it slowly dawned on him that the situation felt oddly familiar.

"You didn't…" Gilbert said quietly. Matthew's smirk grew. Gilbert put the mug down beside his laptop and looked down. "I have boobs," Gilbert said, looking up to stare at Matthew. He could feel his hair growing longer.

Matthew pulled out a little bottle and waved it in front of Gilbert's face. "I borrowed it from Arthur. It's my revenge for you turning me into a girl before," he replied. Gilbert made a noise of indignation.

"But that was technically your fault!" he – or rather, _she_ exclaimed, her voice taking a higher pitch. "If you had just _told_ me outright that you were Loveless Friend, I wouldn't have had to resort to turning you into a girl so I could figure out _who_ was!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. Grinning rather lecherously [almost looking like Francis now], Matthew leaned in. "You make a very pretty girl you know," Matthew remarked casually, kissing Gilbert's collarbone. "I wonder what it'll be like having sex with a female Gilbert," he added.

Gilbert grinned, pulling Matthew closer. "Let's find out," Gilbert said, kissing Matthew.

**The End of The End.**

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**A/N: I SWEAR, WHEN I FIRST STARTED WRITING THIS I TOTALLY DID NOT INTEND FOR THEM TO START HAVING SEX AT THE END. Does anyone else think it's uber kinky for Matthew to have sex with his boyfriend that he turned into a girl? **

**But gaaah _Awesome Advice_ is finally over! I was supposed to post this yesterday but I was busy D: Ah, after all these months I'm almost reluctant to post this. *sobs* Thank you all for everything!**

**Now... on to the next story. I think Gilbert turning into a girl at the end of the epilogue is fitting because in my next story, he _is_ a girl. **

**Without further ado, here's a sneak preview of _I Left My Heart With A Canadian_! [I thought the other name was way too long for a title]**

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**_"LIZZIE!" a voice suddenly cried from out of nowhere. Gilberta barely had time to react as a blur tacked Elizabeth to the ground. _

_"Whaa-oof! Al? Get off of me!" Elizabeth cried out as Gilberta watched a rather scantily clad girl hug Elizabeth tightly. "AL!" _

_"You still have such a funny accent," the girl said standing up as Elizabeth got up to her feet and shot her a dirty look. Gilberta hardly thought the girl could talk – she had one of those drawling accents that made Gilberta think of cowboys, Brokeback Mountain and Hannah Montana. The girl suddenly glanced at Gilberta and her jaw dropped. Here it comes… "Whoa! Are your eyes real or are you wearing contacts?" the girl asked eagerly. Hadn't she ever heard of albinos? Gilberta had a feeling that this girl was the type to believe anything you told her. _

_"Yea they're real – I got them when a radioactive sheep bit me and now I have super powers," Gilberta said casually. The girl's eyes widened. _

_"Really?" she asked, squealing. Gilberta was almost amazed at how stupid the girl was – she actually believed Gilberta's story? _

_"Is this chick for real?" Gilberta muttered to Elizabeth who sighed in response. _

_"Sadly, yes. She is. Al – don't listen to her, she's just kidding. She's an albino and albinos generally have reddish eyes." Gilberta glared at Elizabeth. _

_"I liked my explanation better," Gilberta muttered to herself. Elizabeth heard and rolled her eyes._

_"So… are ya gonna introduce me to your girlfriend or what?" the girl asked finally. Gilberta growled. Why did everyone automatically assume that she and Elizabeth were dating? Gilberta. Liked. Guys. She had had 4 boyfriends in the past year – not girlfriends – boyfriends! It was infuriating and she blamed Eli for all the accusations. _

_Elizabeth had turned a bright red in response. "What? She's not – I mean – urgh, never mind. Alyssa, this is my friend Gilberta. Gilbert – this is my idiot cousin Alyssa," Elizabeth said, motioning from each girl. Alyssa wrinkled her nose. _

_"Gilberta?" she asked. Of course of all things to comment on the chick would comment on Gilberta's rather awful name._

_"Named after a great-grandfather, pleased to meet ya," Gilberta said coolly, extending her hand out for Alyssa. Alyssa made a move to shake Gilberta's hand when Gilberta's cell phone rang. "Hello?" Gilberta said quickly, secretly pleased she didn't have to shake the hand of Elizabeth's weird cousin. _

_"Gilbert! Where are you?" Antonio's voice said from the other line. _

_"Hey Toni… SHIT. I almost forgot – I'll be there in a few!" Gilberta said quickly before Antonio could rant at her. Gilberta turned to Elizabeth, who was giving her a rather curious look. "That was Antonio – I totally forgot I was meeting with them this morning – I'll see you later at English or something!" Gilberta said, already running off before Elizabeth could say anything._

_"Don't go and get yourselves expelled on the first day!" Elizabeth called out warningly. Gilberta turned around and smirked at Elizabeth._

_"Because you'd miss Francis if ya couldn't see him everyday right?" Gilberta said teasingly before turning back around and running towards the parking lot. As much as she would love seeing Elizabeth's furious look she had to hurry._

_Antonio was a peaceful guy and all but the moment you made him waste time in meeting his precious girlfriend he was a monster. A monster Gilberta really did not want to meet. _

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_**So how about that hmm? Interesting? Something you'd like to read? I sure hope so. But like I said in the last chapter, I'm going to attempt at writing two stories at the same time. **

**And so, onto the sneak preview for my _other_ story, _It's Bloody Early Evening!_ **

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_"Whoa, Arthur – Francis is giving you the look of death right about now," Peter said, stating the obvious. _

_"What did I do to him?" I asked. _

_"I don't know. I've never seen Francis look so mad before," Kiku murmured. _

_Lovely. Just lovely. My first day at school and I've already pissed off one of the school freaks! What next –run over a teacher with my truck? _

_Ring! The bell sounded, signifying the end of lunch. I blinked and stood up, realizing I hadn't eaten anything yet. I hastily stuffed my sandwich into my mouth and silently followed Kiku and Peter out of the cafeteria. _

_"How are you able to digest that?" Peter asked in horror. I know my sandwiches don't look very appetizing, but it was no reason for him to imply that my sandwiches were disgusting! They always tasted delicious to me. I pretended not to hear Peter's question. _

_"What class do you have next?" Kiku asked me. I swallowed quickly, nearly choking. _

_I frowned. "Err… history I think," I said, not very sure. Kiku nodded. _

_"As do I. Come, I'll take you there," Kiku said, leading me in the opposite direction than where Peter was going. We bid farewell to the boy and made our way towards the history classroom. I was looking rather forward for history – I always found it interesting and considered myself a bit of a historian. I knew Britain's history inside and out. _

_"Mr. Provence? We have a new student," Kiku said to the teacher as he entered the room. I wished he hadn't done that; it brought unnecessary attention to me. Kiku, Peter and Michelle oddly hadn't commented on my eyebrows but I knew that the moment it was noticed I'd be made fun of. It wasn't something new for me but… I didn't want to beat up another kid and get into trouble again. _

_"Do we? Ah yes… Kirkland is it? Yes, I was notified by the office that you would be in my class. Come in and introduce yourself," Mr. Provence said, motioning for me to come in. I did so, glancing into the class as I did. There were your regular teenaged students sitting at the front of the classroom, pixies sitting together in a group at the back, unable to be seen by the rest of the class – presumably the teacher as well. _

_That's when I saw him. Sitting near the back, his legs propped up on the table, was Francis Paye. He did have a certain flirtatious charm to him; I noted as he winked at random girls in the classroom and beamed at their reactions. He was obviously very popular with the ladies – and the men – because after all, who could resist those entrancing blue eyes, that soft golden hair and the stubble that lined his chin, making him look like he just woke up gorgeous one day? _

_I froze. Did I just think that about another guy? Another guy, who seemed to have a certain hatred for me? I shook myself mentally and focused my gaze on the wall. Evidently he hadn't noticed me yet. _

_"Err. Hello. My name is Arthur Kirkland. I just moved here," I said awkwardly, looking around the classroom. No one seemed to be listening, most just staring at me with a vacant look. My eyes fell on Francis again. This time however, he had noticed me. _

_It was definitely hate in those dark eyes that I saw, shining fiercely at me. But there was something else too. Something like… fear? I smiled to myself. To think that this boy would be scared of me was just as laughable as the thought he'd have a hatred for me. _

_"Welcome Mr. Kirkland. You may take your seat," Mr. Provence said, sitting down at his desk. I glanced around for Kiku but noticed he already sat down next to another student. There was no empty seat left. Except for one next to Francis, who wasn't paying attention to me anymore. I gulped. Would I really have to sit next to him? _

_"Mr… Provence? There are no more seats," I pointed out, in an effort to avoid sitting next to Francis. I half-hoped that he'd notice my discomfort and make me pull up another chair beside Kiku but half hoped that I'd be put beside him… _

_"Yes, there is, there's one right there, beside Mr. Paye," Mr. Provence said, pointing to the seat on the right of Francis. It was a peculiar feeling. My heart sank in disappointment yet my stomach lurched in excitement. A part of me wanted to sit next to him, find out why he hated me so much. The other just wanted to stay clear of him. _

_"Thank you sir," I grumbled, walking towards the seat as if it were my impending doom. _

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**Did you like? Not like? Ah well, I suppose I'll just have to find out when I post the first chapters for both stories. Stay tuned for them because I have no idea when I'm going to post them x] **

**Thank you all for your support and reviews/favs/alerts and I love you all ^^ You're all freaking awesome!**

**~Awesome**


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